Hi everyone -<BR>I have been away too long - haven't been able to post ( computer and ISP prob's ) working, and a vacation with my husband.<BR>Things are great between us, we are very happy and recovering well.<P>My H has been busy though. He has got real tired of the X-OM's wife harrassing me, and decided weeks ago to get even.<BR>We have left the Om and his wife alone and have tried to move on with our lives, but the X-OM's wife still harrasses me.<BR>I have repeatedly asked him to drop it, ignore it, let it go, but he says he has had enough . <P>He hired a private investigator ( expensive, but he says, worth it )and found out the the OM had 2 affairs on his wife before me, something his wife does not know. He plans to show this proof to the OM and ask him to tell his wife or he will.<P>I am not happy about this, it will only stir up more trouble, yet he says it is his turn to do something, since he had asked for us to be left alone, and we would do the same to them.<P>I do not know what to do at this point.<BR>Any advice would be appreciated.<BR>

I don't know that there is anything you can do. I agree with you that it is not the best thing to do. You should be concentrating on your own lives, but I can see how the harassing behaviour would be annoying. <P>If your H is committed to doing this, you can't stop him. I'd just try to stay out of the way.

thanks Popeye -<BR>Yes, we are trying to concentrate on our own lives, I guess my husband is just upset that we have allowed them to move on without interference, and they have not done the same for us.<BR>I will stay out of the way on this one!

QOF,<P>I hope this isn't too personal but what type of harassment have you been dealing with from the X-OM and his wife? Is it phone calls and that type of thing?<P>Also why does your H feel that it's necessary to tell the X-OM's wife? Have you and he discussed this and his reasoning? Just thought I'd ask for a little more info and maybe you can get some better advice.<P>Mitzi

Hi Mitzi -<BR>My husband has asked me not to get specific on the type of harrasment, in case of legal trouble down the line ( if he chooses to press charges )<P>The X-Om's wife has always blamed me for her husband having an affair, thinks he never would have done this kind of thing if it weren't for me.She has told my husband that the affair is all my fault, and does not blame her husband at all. She does not have a clue that I was not his first affair, and it won't be pretty, with the proof that was uncovered - but he says he cannot stand another minute of her blaming me for everything - he wants her to know what a lying cheat he really is. Then he says, the focus will be off me.<P>I just want this nightmare to go away -<BR>why can't we just move on - why can't she let us live our lives now - the damage is done - I can't take it back - we have left them completely alone. I hate this.

QOF,<P>Are things between you and your H going good? Maybe for your H, it is a little bit of insecurity and that's why he feels it's necessary to tell the x-OW's wife. Trust could play a big part in this. <P>If things are good and you are well into recovery, I say, don't let the X-OW and his wife bother you. Just concentrate on your marriage and making it wonderful. (Unless the harassment is to the extent that you could prosecute)<P>Mitzi <P>

Hi Mitzi -<BR>Yes, everything is wonderful here, we have been recovering very well. We are happy, and I can say , our marriage is on its way to be the best it could ever be!<BR>I don't think security has anything to do with this.<BR>The X-OM has left us completely alone<BR>( he is afraid of what my H would do to him ) and has never bothered us since D-day.<BR>The X-OM's wife is another story.<BR>Maybe she thinks harrasment will destroy our marriage ( not a chance ) or she wants to get even for the hurt I caused her.<BR>Whatever the case may be, my husbands point is, he has left the OM alone, she needs to leave the OW alone. He needs her to stop blaming me 100% for the affair, and to stay out of our lives, as we have for them.<P>He says she will not stop until she is faced with the truth about her husband.<P>I do not let her get to me - but my H is tired of her and the harrasment, and has given her chance after chance to stop.<P>Thanks for your advice - I appreciate it.