Well, she told me today that she is thinking about going away for the weekend to be with the OM again! Test after test after test.....<P>She is communicating more with me now, which has been lacking since January. Her reasoning is, "Hey, I have nothing left to hide, so why shouldn't I just be honest with you" She is not sure if she is going, just getting me ready in case she goes.<P>Last night she said that on one hand, she has a man who tells her he is in love with her, and he has never given her any reason to doubt that(OM). On the other hand, she has a man who tells her he is in love with her, and she has wanted that man all her life, but he HAS given her a reaon to doubt it(Me). I just told her that I was sorry for her pain and conflict, and that I love her.<P>It looks like I am in for another long weekend. Not to sound too selfish, but I really hope none of my children want to go this time. I won't keep them from being with their mother, but deep down, it really hurts that my son went with her last weekend.<P><BR>

scanman:<P>Repeated trips to visit the OM were the toughest on my Plan A resolve.<P>How long will you go before switching to a Plan B separation?

I'm soooo sorry to hear this.<P>Kathi

In my opinion, having an affair has more to do with the lack of respect for your spouse than falling in love with the affair partner.<BR>The fact that you tolerate her behaviour with the OM would reinforce this opinion of you. The question you should ask yourself is what would your wife do if the shoe was on the other foot. Do you think that she would be lovey dovey while you were in contact with another woman. Of course, you can't force her to stop seeing this other man but you can set boundaries as to what you are going to accept. You need to get the relationship such as it is back on a equal basis. The only way to that is to give her the choice to either work on the marriage or leave and face the dissolution of the marriage. Will this be looked as a ultimatum by your wife. It may be but it will also make her see you as someone who will not accept her behaviour and will help her hopefully regain respect for you. This approach is detailed in the book called "Love must be tough" which I would recommend that you read. Best wishes..max