I had a small conversation with my W about the cell phone that she is using to communicate with the OM. I asked her if she said the affair was over, then she shouldn’t be talking on the phone with him. She told me to give her time on the phone issue. She said she is slowly working on cutting it off and told me not to think about it that much. She said I have to trust her on this.<P>She is also working on healing herself. She told me that until she can forgive herself, she couldn’t work on us. She said she couldn’t even look into my eyes or look at me right now. She felt dirty in side and unworthy to me and had nothing left to offer. She is sick and tired of everything that has had happened. She wants to be alone right now and doesn’t want to hear about the OM or the affair. Lately, she has been listening to the meditation and relaxation tapes before she went to sleep. The last thing she told me was “you would know right away when you look at me that I’m coming around.” What do you think of this? Is it a symptom of withdrawal? Please advise.<P>OOOO<BR><p>[This message has been edited by OffOnOnOff (edited September 13, 2000).]

Hi, offonnoff,<P>Can you consult with the Harley's on this?<P>Reason is that I'm not the expert on breaking off affairs, since my H has never had an affair. He has a "Friend" with whom he shares everything, and up until a few months ago when I confronted him with the arithmetic that for the size of his phone bill he has to be averaging 2 hours a day on the phone with this "Friend". I think he may have a phone card now. His bill was to the tune of $300+ a month for the cell phone. Ad nauseum. But I am not an expert on EA's, since this relationship is not an affair. Lucky me!<P>So, back to the Harley's. Get a better opinion, keeping in mind that the caveat here is that I'm crazy, paranoid, evil minded and there has never been anything to worry about. The emotional connection between my H and his "Friend" has nothing to do with the fact that H won't touch me or kiss me.<P>Slowly working on cutting it off? Doesn't that hurt more? Like slowly working on sawing off a limb in the surgeon's tent at Andersonville? Like slowly cutting off a the condemned's head with an axe? Like slowly scalping a prisoner of war, or skinning them alive? You are the one she is torturing. Slowly my as**.<P>She's sitting on the fence. I hope an expert pops in here soon. Somebody who's been successfully through recovery and back into a state of intimacy.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Thank you Belle,<P>I agree with you that it hurts me more every time she talked to him on the cell phone. Sometimes I felt like she not only inflicted the wound, but she also twisted it again and again. It took almost 4 months since D-day for her PA to stop. And it’s been about 2 months since the PA stopped that the cell phone started. When I asked about the phone bill, she told me it was under his name and she paid him. She told me that she did not want to pay for it this month, because she told him she did not use it that much. I hope this will lead to a break up of the phone used. Stay tuned…<BR>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by OffOnOnOff:<BR><B>Is this a symptom of withdrawal? I had a small conversation with my W about the cell phone that she is using to communicate with the OM. I asked her if she said the affair was over, then she shouldn’t be talking on the phone with him. She told me to give her time on the phone issue.<BR></B><P>The unknown factor here is the possibility your wife may be telling the truth. She could be trying to convince OM everything should end and maybe he's threatening her and she's 'talking him down' to prevent a 'fatal attraction.<P>Just the same, if she takes too much longer, think about asking her if she has thought about mailing the cell phone to the OM to avoid further contact with him.<P>In my opinion, it can't be a 'symptom of withdrawal' because there is still contact even though it is via the cell phone.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.

Thank you AGoodPhrend.<P>That was a good point she might tell the truth about trying to return the phone. I also agree with you that EA is still on because there is still a contact via a cell phone. But the part that I referred to about the symptom of withdrawal was <B>"She is also working on healing herself. She told me that until she can forgive herself, she couldn’t work on us. She said she couldn’t even look into my eyes or look at me right now. She felt dirty in side and unworthy to me and had nothing left to offer. She is sick and tired of everything that has had happened. She wants to be alone right now and doesn’t want to hear about the OM or the affair. Lately, she has been listening to the meditation and relaxation tapes before she went to sleep".</B><P>I will wait for a while and will confront her again about the phone.<p>[This message has been edited by OffOnOnOff (edited September 13, 2000).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by OffOnOnOff:<BR><B>Thank you AGoodPhrend.<P>But the part that I referred to about the symptom of withdrawal was [b]"She is also working on healing herself. She told me that until she can forgive herself, she couldn’t work on us. She said she couldn’t even look into my eyes or look at me right now. She felt dirty in side and unworthy to me and had nothing left to offer. She is sick and tired of everything that has had happened. She wants to be alone right now and doesn’t want to hear about the OM or the affair. <BR>I will wait for a while and will confront her again about the phone.<P></B><BR>I see...her withdrawal. I understand everyone has different levels of strength in handling breakups. You are merciful and that is great.<P>I hope she becomes stronger soon and I'll shall include you in my prayers.<P><P>------------------<BR>Love hurts no one.