I guess I'm in for quite a roller coaster ride in the next few months. This morning my H e-mailed me from the office about taking a few days off from work so we can have some fun and meaningful time together. I told him that was great, and that I really loved the snuggling in bed that morning, and that I loved him. I also tried to gently (If there is any way to do it) remind him that he needed to let the OW know he would not like any more contact with her, and that he would not be paying her any more money. I wanted to be a part of this process, as delineated in the MB site, and it was the important first step before I could go off on a romantic holiday with him. Then I sent him an e-card, since it is National Hugging Day, and he sent me a cute one back. I was looking forward to lunch together, since he gets to come home everyday for lunch.<P>At lunch, almost no conversation on a personal level. He had nothing to say to me afterwards, and never could look me in the eye the entire time. I gave him a neck and shoulder massage. Before leaving for work, he gave me a big hug, but it was one of his "formal" hugs, like he was required to do it but his heart wasn't in it.<P>I just got on to my e-mail this afternoon, and he's making demands of me to lose weight, setting goals for me, and wanting to know what my plans were to terminate my obsession with food. I don't know where he's been in the lst few weeks, but I've been exercising my brains out daily, and I've successfully lost 15 lbs. in the last month.<P>Am I being overly sensitive, am I being overly insensitive to him, or is he playing me for a fool again and avoiding cutting it off from the OW?<P>And when do I/we get to switch to the recovery group?<P>JP

jungle_princess,<P>You're doing good...<P>Why don't you post (on your fridge) on a sheet of paper your progress (weight loss) so your H can notice it. Maybe he can help you more gently!<P>The "no contact" letter is something to go for when 'you' think it's right... hopefully when he's in the mood to do some kind of reconciling...<P>Best Wishes...<P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jungle_princess:<BR><B><P>Am I being overly sensitive, am I being overly insensitive to him, or is he playing me for a fool again and avoiding cutting it off from the OW?<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Here is where you start working on the communication in your marriage... <BR>When all else fails, ask.<BR>Again, see if he will come to this site and join you in posting. Dylan (soulloss) and I have been here since sept or so, and reading each others posts has given us and insight into each other that might have been more difficult to acheive by just talking.<P>As for joining the revovery board, well, recovery starts now, albeit slowly. You have a rough road ahead, but at least you are on it. <BR>deut

Do you think your demands for no contact triggered his complaints and demands for you to change?<P>Okay, let's back up. How could you have handled the request for no contact differently? <P>Infidelity makes the pace and reasonabiity in a relationship turn topsy turvey and way out of wack. At the point of discovery the moods, interactions, blame, demands, etc. all are in a pot and boiling over, and it is very volatile.<P>The best thing for you is to try and stabalize you and physically get strong. At this point, don't over anazlyze everything that is happening. Sometimes it doesn't make sense. And be absolutely careful what you say. I sometimes think being drugged to the point of an inability to communicate or talk is a good idea at this point. (would've helped me for sure, anyway.)<P>Do you see how one little thing you do can cause a rage of unreasonableness? This is what the ride is like for a while. <P>Concentrate on managing you, and getting physically strong. Sleep at the right time, eat and exercise responsibly, take care of YOU physically right now. Your physical strength is what will help your emotions become manageable.<P>And don't say or do anything to upset the applecart at this time. Okay?<P>Big hugs to you. <BR>tnt

My husband, the betrayor, gently requests I continue losing weight. Sorry, but I'm a little too disillusioned and hurt to worry about what he thinks right now. His betrayal is about who he is, not who I am. I've got my own stuff to work on and weight is not a top priority. When does he give you a neck massage? Why must you try to make the bridge for him to come back? Didn't he betray you? How should he build that bridge? Definitely not be making demands...sounds like wall-building, not bridge building.