Welcome <B>Turtle</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you...
<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>First off... your wife(W) <B>is</B> having an affair!<BR>We call it an Emotional Affair(EA)...<BR>and it could trun to a Physical Affair(PA) if you don't address it!<P>The first step recommended is that you start on what we call <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...and do so until you read everything reasonable at this site<BR>...starting off at my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post.<P>Run out and get the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> and read it.<P>Stay at this forum and post/read/ask a lot!<BR>You are not alone!<P>At some point in time, you must "deal with her "virtual" infidelity"!!!<P>You say "...Do I confront her and ask her never to email this guy again?..."<BR>...that's a good question...<BR>...after a short time in Plan A... (maybe a week... maybe less... if she is moving to fast...)<BR>...insstead of "forcing" her to stop...<BR>...sit down with her...<BR>...let her know you wish to be <B>honest</B> with her...<BR>...let her know you understand their are problems you believe exist in your marriage...<BR>...let her know there are <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> she has not gotten and you may be missing too<BR>...and that you'd like to work harder on making it a better marriage<BR>...and that you would like to seek counseling<P>...she will have figured out by then... that you know about the e-mail.<BR>...if she hasn't figured it out... tell her gently(non-judgmentally)...<BR>...let her know the e-mails hurt you... but your love for your W is strong enough to work on the marriage.<BR>...let her know you feel these e-mails are a <B>very</B> serious threat to your marriage<P>...and...<P>...be prepared for the worse...<BR>...she may say all the bad things a wayward spouse(WS) could say... check out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/000985.html" TARGET=_blank>50 signs your spouse is having an affair (All found on this board)</A><BR>...then get ready to work even harder on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>You've said... "How do I deal with my own sence of betrayal, since I feel I'm spying on her?..."<BR>...you've not betrayed her one bit...<BR>...you are being faithful to her...<BR>...and keeping both her and your vows solid!<P>Until you get the book, which I highly recommend... here are a few quotes from it... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Plan A: Avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html" TARGET=_blank>angry outbursts</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html" TARGET=_blank>disrespectful judgments</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html" TARGET=_blank>selfish demands</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3403_annoy.html" TARGET=_blank>annoying behavior</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>dishonesty</A> (i.e. <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!) at all costs. (page 75 of SAA)...<B>and</B> at the same time, if your spouse would let the you, you should try to meet your spouse's most important <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> (page 77 of SAA) that is...<BR><OL TYPE=1><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3305_aff.html" TARGET=_blank>Affection</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3310_sex.html" TARGET=_blank>Sexual Fulfillment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3315_conv.html" TARGET=_blank>Conversation</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3320_rec.html" TARGET=_blank>Recreational Companionship</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3325_hon.html" TARGET=_blank>Honesty and Openness</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3330_att.html" TARGET=_blank>An Attractive Spouse</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3335_fin.html" TARGET=_blank>Financial Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3340_dom.html" TARGET=_blank>Domestic Support</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3345_fam.html" TARGET=_blank>Family Commitment</A><BR><LI> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html" TARGET=_blank>Admiration</A></OL><BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>To better understand these unmet <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... printoff a copy of the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4110_emndsq.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs Questionnaire</A>...<BR>...and being honest with yourself...<BR>...see where you may be falling short...<BR>...and where your W may be falling short.<P>Please, please read through my <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>Welcome</A> post first...<BR>...get the big picture...<BR>...then get moving on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>!<P>You really are not alone!<P>I have to add one more thing... there was a great post just made this morning... read it...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000201.html" TARGET=_blank>What I've learned (very long)</A>…..Beerman2…..6/17/2000<BR>...and learn early on!<P>One more site worth getting (possibly... if it isn't going to be a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>) to your wife is .... <A HREF="http://www.wildxangel.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.wildxangel.com</A> <BR>It's titled "Dangers of Online Relationships / What They're Not Telling You - Or How to Read Between the Lies!!"<P>
<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited June 17, 2000).]