^ bump ^

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by NSR:
[QB][/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been married for years to a man that has a drinking problem. He is abusive to me and the children. I would like to hold out hope for us but I have to say it is fading fast. He is telling me that is going to seek help. I am not hopeful of it. I would like to be but some how I am just not. I am ready to leave but willing to see if he will seek the help he needs. Please pray for us.

^

Ok, here I am:

* Male: 53, Spouse: female, 40
* Betrayed Husband
* 13 1/2 years marriage, lived together one year
* known her for 17 years, knew her parents for 19 years
* pre-discovery was Nov. 6, 02; knew December 23, 02.
* length of affair? She says since 1/25/02. Gut and cell phones say longer, she denies.
* PA/EA, who knows really? She doesn't want to talk about it. Says I don't need to know what happened and she has no explaination of why it happened.
* second. I was the first during her previous marriage to "possessive, abusive, nut-case." We became active during my "seperation" from my ex-wife of 18 years. (She did not want children, I did. (18 years waiting for something to happen and finally realized if it was to happen, I had to make it happen.)
* Currently trying to find out what, where, when, why, how about affair. Both hurting, I seem to be working on it, she seems to want it to go away.
* Living together.
* OM is divorced after 18 years of marriage. He left kids and wife to live with our neighbor. Has lived there 4 years. Just married her September 02. Was still meeting my wife after his marriage (in fact two nights before wedding and then one day after return from honeymoon.)
* OP is neighbor and friend. His spouse been neighbor over 10 years and close friend.
* one week MB forum
* one child, boy, 7 years old (adopted)
* he is with us
* he has formal education in vocational areas, I have post-graduate work and am certified to teach college classes. He works out, I read and write. MW well proportioned figure and keeps herself fit and trim. HW is very muscular and overweight.
* We have talked divorce. Both do not want to end marriage.
* She won't talk and "can't remember". I want the details of how, when, where, why. I have very active imagination and details rest the imagination.
* Death threats from HW toward MW. Both afraid of what she might do. She is "nut case". He is wimpy around her.

I am a full-time mother of 2 boys, ages 31/2 & 51/2. I work part-time as a medical professional.

My husband had an emotional affair that developed into a brief physical affair. Both he and OW say that only kissing and fondling occurred, and I believe them. OW is his former co-worker. Affair developed when working on extended project together. I felt so sorry for his late hours, stress, etc. Duh!

OW seemed to be everything that I wasn't---beautiful (hair and nails done, gorgeous clothes, etc.), new, exciting, and without pre-judgements.

My H and I have had many problems in the past, mostly due to his furious temper and verbal abuse. Now that he is on Zoloft and doesn't act like a maniac, I was supposed to be ever-loving and grateful. Instead, I became bitter after years of verbal abuse and embarassments involving family (he actually punched his brother during a family visit). H is a GOOD man, and medication and counseling have let his good side shine through while burying the beast within. He comes from a long line of verbal abusers.

H admits that idea of OW having no history with his "former self" and making a "clean start" was unbelievably attractive.

OW is an attractive, professional, divorced mother of 1 son-age 6. After a brief physical encounter, she told H that she couldn't break-up his marriage, she was a Christian and couldn't make "bad choices," etc. However, she continued to work with him alone, gave him small gifts, talked to him about personal topics, etc. It seems only too obvious that she didn't want to be the "bad person," but she DID want the attention and adoration that my puppy-dog H provided.

D-Day occurred March, 2002, after A beginning October, 2001 and physical encounter occurred December, 2001. Physical encounter occurred when I was driving through a snowstorm with my children en route to H's family for Christmas visit. H had to come later due to "work." While I was trying to keep van on the road, H and OW made a date for dinner and ended-up at her condo for night of "making-out." D-Day happened when I confronted H regarding lack of interest in sex, lack of interest in home matters, coldness/aloofness, etc. He confessed interest in OW. Over next week, he confessed all.

I couldn't eat or sleep well for a month. I was obsessed with OW and "stalked" her hallway in workplace in order to get a glimpse of her. I was discovered, but not confronted. Instead, OW called husband to report my activities. OW and husband, who was supposed to be re-committing to our marriage, met to "hash-out" the situation. H professed desire for OW, OW said she could never have a relationship with him, H returned home to hold a sobbing wife and console me with promise that A was, indeed, over.

OW called me on the phone 6 weeks after D-Day to apologize. She actually had me believing that she had made a terrible mistake, it was a "friendship that went too far," A was contrary to her Christian beliefs, she was so ashamed of herself, etc. OW led me to believe that low self-esteem d/t ex-H's PA led her to respond to my H's interest. Only later did I find out that the little slut had her own ongoing PA/EA when SHE was married with another married man. Her profession of "not knowing how this all occurred" was lame attempt to portray herself as "good person who made a bad decision."

H and I are in counseling, marriage is working, children are happy, kitchen has been re-modeled, and I still feel miserable. I soar to heights of bliss and sink to depths of despair at a moment's notice. I trust husband is not cheating, but I don't trust his willpower, heart, etc. I know that my bitterness and resentment helped to drive H to EA, but his past abuse drove me to my bitterness. Life is so unfair.

I'm trying desperately to banish feelings of paranoia, low self-worth, body hatred, etc. While marriage, in some ways, is better than it's ever been, I still feel like a shadow is over my heart.

trixiep

I may already have this somewhere here, but am a little lost, so will try again.

H revealed affair 12/7/02
had begun sept. 02 with Mfriend from church
emotional distance in our M long time
3 children (10, 6, and 3 1/2)

H said wanted to make marriage work, couldn't live without seeing kids every day and didn't want to go to hell

6 days after she called he talk (not the agreement) they continued to talk until her H found out and revealed it

Gave H ultimatum, no contact or leave. I DESERVE MORE! He says he wants to make it work and will have NC. Want to believe so bad.

plan to re-evaluate in June on family vacation whether we are being able to grow closer together and whether his feelings for her are still as strong as now.

Worried what I am going to do to survive if he can't move past his love for her (my need) and if we cannot regain that romantic passionate love for each other (both of our needs)

Feel selfish for not doing whatever is best for children in spite of whether I am ever loved or happy again

Robbin

vv

^

My husband and I just attended the Marriage Builders Seminar and we are already making improvement! This makes me so happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Married 3 years with one adorable toddler. This is my first marriage and my H's second.
We decided to go to MB Seminar because we were fighting all the time and we were becoming miserable. There was not a day that went by where one of us said or did something to hurt the other and our arguments were becoming more and more verbally abusive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . I was becoming afraid that I would soon want to leave the marriage. My hope is that we can work on our problems and rediscover the love we truly have for each other.

Our marriage is certainly not in the worst shape, from what I'm reading on this BB. We should probably feel lucky. However, we both felt that we needed to do something to prevent our marriage from slipping away from us. So far, so good. But then again, we only came home from the seminar TODAY! This is just the beginning....

Here's my story:
I've been married 11 years (together 15). We have 2 children. He's 43 I'm 41. He confessed his affair on Jan 4/2003. The affair went on about 11 months (the last 7 months were spent trying to get out....with many threats).

He went to counseling for 2-3months before coming to me. He came to me with great remorse and sadness. The affair has ended. I don’t think he has ever done this before. He is willing to do anything and everything to get our family back. We have 3 young children. He tells me he has been emotionally lost for 2 years, which I believe & know is true. He has just not been himself. He has not only been distant from the kids & me but also from his family & friends. We have been through a few big changes in our life.

For the last 6 months, before he told me, our marriage had been going so well. He will also agree with me. He said home was like a haven, no more threatening phone calls, and no more lying to the OW so she wouldn't tell me. He was trying to find a way out so we could work through this.

He became desperate and finally decided to try counseling. It helped him build the strength he needed to be honest with me. He wanted to get through Christmas before he told me. Fortunately for me, the counseling helped him to be prepared for what was ahead, and to work on his weeknesses.

He has taken full responsibility for what has happened, and has asked nothing of me. He makes no excuses, he is not defensive, and he is not shutting down or running away (all things he uses to do with problems in the past). He is trying desperately to work this out. I know he still loves me. He is now devastated by what he has done to our family and me.
He also set up counseling for both of us, which we have been going to. Our counselor has great hope for us. She says we are strong, sensitive and committed. She is helping us a lot.

I find it amazing how 2 people who had such a wonderful life, with everything going for them could somehow find them where we are today. Yet, sitting in front of the counselor, listening and talking, I realized it wasn’t so perfect, We were both ignoring signs, pretending everything was O.K. As much as I would like to say I didn’t see all the signs, I did. But that’s easy to say now.

The pain when he told me was unbelievable. He had always been my rock, this strong, honest man thatI loved so much. And, now he hurt me so much. That day is still like a nightmare.... I still can't really believe it happened

I love this man very much, and I have always been committed to him. It was so sad watching him going through this (I thought I would/should be the only one sad and hurt). He has been physically ill with guilt and remorse. I found it hard to watch him cry and not hold him. He doesn’t expect me to, but I feel his pain too.

I have little doubt about his remorse, or how willing he is to work on this. I really believe in him and in us, however I realize now I have not always make good judgement choices in the past, and I am also afraid to trust myself and trust him. I really want to get past this.

Hi
Married 5 years
Im 14 weeks pregnant with first child
Im 29 H 24
Im Military H contractor
Irratating habits he has is going out till 5 in the morning drinking with friends on friday and sleeping all day saturday so we have little to no together time till sunday.
Second year of marriage H went out of town for 3 days with friends smoked pot (He knows Im totally against it) and slept with 6 hookers
I forgave him blameing myself for lack of sexual intamiancy.

I developed a drinking habit with friends and with out friends to associate with his drinking.

With in 6 months of his confession of infadelity I passed out from drinking one night with 2 other friends and came to with one of them on top of me. I did not consent to this so I stopped him. Told my H but mostly blamed myself for allowing to be in that drunken state with a male.

With in another 6 months H admitted to sleeping with other hookers in same town that we were in. I forgave him again.

Moved to another country and husband slept with a non hooker once and admitted to it after I confronted him with it. This was the third time and I was more emotionally detached to him. I was in the withdrawal stage and wanted a divorce. I commited an email/cyber infadelity and then became close to a work partner during this time. This closeness did not result in sex but infadelity was commited between us. I didnt tell my H. about the work partner but I did tell him about the internet. My H. didnt want a divorce so he promised he would stop drinking smokeing and spend more time with me. I didnt divorce him.

A year has passed since then and his habits are still the same as the second year we were married. I still have not told him of the work partner and do not tell him because of his request of me not to. He has stated cheat on me but dont tell me please several times. He works out of town but travels appx 3 hrs to come back home to me every day. He goes out on fridays still and comes home at 5, which leaves me feeling left alone and curious as to his being faithful to me. I confronted him on this, he states he wants his life with me and his own life aswell. When he goes out he rarly tells me or even knows where he is going. I have stopped drinking to the point of drunkeness since the time of the incident I have included above.

I love him still but his secret life is killing me. I feel I cannot make him want to spend time with me but lack the communication skills to effectivly tell him. I wind up yelling at him instead. He says Im perfect and he doesnt deserve me but yet he refuses to stop living this unknown life. Here is my profile.

I'll try to make this as brief as I can without leaving out important details...

Married 10 years with 2 wonderful children at the time 6 & 2.

Met OM at work - he became my new boss. He immediately started complemently me on my work ethic and attention to detail. This progressed over the next couple of months to become more personal. He began talking to me regarding his W and their "horrible" relationship.

He asked me for advice because I "was such a strong person and had my life in order". I began "helping" him with his marriage. This unfortunately became a EA. We were talking in the break room (with my H permission). Then he "didn't feel he could talk to me there, because of all the people coming in and out".

He asked if we could go to my van and talk more privately. I knew inside this was inappropriate, but wanted to "help him" and I thought I would be strong enough to stop any advances.

Thinks progressed from there - eventually, he said he didn't feel comfortable talking in the parking lot due to the security cameras. So we left the parking lot to a movie theater parking lot (we worked second shift getting off work around 4am).

We spent a lot of time talking. Eventually, he made a move and due to the strong E ties, I didn't resist. He knew how fast he could push me, so he took things slow. Just like we cook a lobster. GOD!! HOW STUPID I WAS!!

Things became physical within a week or two and within 3 months of meeting him, I was sleeping with him. Unfortunatly, my husband traveled out of town periodically which opened up more opportunity.

This is an area we struggle with because my H wants to know if I planned any "rendevous". I can't bring to mind a picture of doing so, although with the strong emotional connection, I don't see how I couldn't have.

Anyway, the EA/PA continued for about 21/2 months with my emotions becoming stronger for him every day. I came to a point that I had to make a decision between him or my H. I decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my H, but didn't know how to end the PA.

I know if I ended the PA, the EA would go to. I didn't know how I could cope with life without it. I spent the next 21/2 months trying to severe the EA. I eventually told him it was over and I was committed totally to my H. He hated me for it and turned back to drugs and continued ruining his life.

At least my wasn't totally ruined. I spent the next 7 months trying to determine how I could tell my H something that would hurt him so badly.

Well, someone called and left a message on the machine that told him for me. I admitted to everything telling him all the details I could. Knowing that he would probably throw me out due to his beliefs on divorce and his right to.

He decided instead to try to forgive me and work things out. We are now 5 months into recovery. Some days are good, some are not. I will try to figure out how to update this as I can.

30 days tomorrow....but I should start at the beginning.

7+ years of marriage and I always felt we had a fantastic, strong life-lasting relationship. We have 1 S and are careers have had their ups and downs, but had been going very well. Somewhere along here things began to get weird. I can't even say when. It's like my S was pondering today. "Which came first the chicken or the egg?"

I don't know if things got weird becuase of the A or if the A occured because things got weird. This question drives me crazy.

Anyway, the past year and a half I have felt pushed out of H's life. Conversation was limited. No real connection between us. Different incidents where he could not be reached...just lots of things in looking back that I realize now I should have zeroed in on.

The truth is that I would confront him (lots of LBs) we would talk he would say something cryptic or something fairly logical and, either way, I would go on. But it kept happening more and more. I must have said on several occasions that H could have a secret life and I wouldn't even know it, but I couldn't be surprised because I felt like I didn't know him.

Then, on May 29th, just 2 days after a long talk where he said all the right things again, H went on a day trip for business. I was busy w/work and my Mom watch S. He as asleep so I stayed there. Kept phone with me sure that H would call. Didn't. Came home to find him asleep in S bed. Asked when he got in...reply "Don't know". I was furious...how do you not know!!! Then he said had a good time, it was dark.

Next couple of days, more conversation[?] more cryptic replies, more stuff that doesn't add up.

Sat. May 30th Running errand, pass H on way home. But why is he on that street? Ask H nonchalantly when I get home...another bogus response. He watches TV.. I get ready for work. it keeps eating at me.

Finally I call him into my office and start talking. This time I talk about me. how hurt I feel by H giving lip service to my concerns and then continuing to shut me out. How I know there is something and it is okay but he really has to tell me. That I can deal with anything but I need to know what I am dealing with...and on and on. Soft voice, gentle words, prodding him to tell me the truth.

H is saying nothing. covering face. I sit on floor in front of him and hold him...still talking, still begging for him to say something.

He said he couldn't tell me. That it was bad. My heart is breaking, but I can't let it go now.
Just then, one of my trainees shows up. I had forgotton that I was taking her with me. I hadn't even showered. I tell H to wait for me in bathroom. I answer door, ask her to wait and get in shower.

I am showering, asking for truth. And then it comes. H had an affair. "Okay when and how long" I am expecting a couple one nighters. No it was still going on and had been for TWO YEARS!!!!! I thought I was going to collapse. I kept asking questions...he is giving me answers. I got out of the shower shaking. Wrapped in robe, I asked trainee to go do the job, I couldn't. She looked confused but said okay.

I am so thankful that she was there. I couldn't go ballistic and had to keep it together. The time that it took to get her on her way allowed me to think and process what info I had and decide how to proceed. By the time she had left I somehow had managed to keep the calm that I had been forced to display while she was there and we began to talk.

I asked everything. I finally asked what do YOU want? H was confused. I asked if H wanted to keep both of us. If so then we could be a marriage of show...and I would find someone for myself (and I meant it when I said it) He was still confused. Then I realized I couldn't live that way and finally said, "You have to choose. Me or her." Without hesitation he said, "you".

Okay, now what. More questions. Truthful responses. Questions that I didn't want to ask, but did to test his truthfulness. Made him call OW to end it (with me sitting beside him).

Couldn't get through till next day...went with him to her house. Sat in car while he gave her the news. Would have preferred a different scenario I think, but that is the way it was.

The past 30 days have been a series of ups and downs.

H has had no contact, except in passing in vehicles...small town it is inevitable. I have gone from moments of obsession for details and sleuthing on my own to reveling in our renewed closeness. OW checked herself into Mental health ward for a few days...H felt guitly.

H owns bar where OW was a patron...she has not shown up there since DDay. H has promised to call if she does. This week I asked that he call me before he has any contact with her if she comes in. H doesn't think she will.

After rolling along pretty good, I have had a couple of bad days...don't know where they are coming from. Just can't seem to stop the spiral sometimes.

So 30 days...feels like forever. But still not long enough.

^^ bump for a long weekend ^^

Female
My age - 55 Husband - 56
Betrayed
Married 34 years
Knew spouse 2 years before marriage
20 months since discovery
Affair 3 years+ Affair was both physical and emotional
To my knowledge only 1 affair
Currently in Plan B
Living together since confession
The other person is divorces twice, met in snack shop
Divorced has been talked about
Following principles of MB
Number of months on MB Forum - 5 days

2 children - 30 and 33
Physical Custody - N/A
No other children involved
Counseling - Only with each other - Would like to see counselor but WS refuses
I am on anti depressants - Effexor
Mid-Life crisis involved
Alcoholism not involved
There has been no STD or abuse
Husband was suicidal
No Gay/Lesbian issues

Here goes......
I have been married for 2 years.I have been with my h for 6 years. 2 weeks before our 2nd ann, he moved out.
Reason. He did not feel like we were growing, did not know what he wanted,& said he was not in love with me anymore.
My h is 45 & has all the signs of a mid-life crisis except OW, espically depression.
Our relationship has been a emotional rollar coaster since.We speak almost daily, he says he loves me daily, & has began to go to church again,but we are still separated.
My husband makes less money than me & said he left because of financial reasons,& now he is unable to pay his rent.More Depression.
I have a strong spirituality & have decided to stand in my marriage.

Okay...

so much has changed since I first started posting that I'm dumping this entire message. It just doesn't fit anymore.

<small>[ November 11, 2003, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: TooTired4Words ]</small>

So here is my story. I met my husband when I was 15 yrs. old and he was 25. We worked together and things started out as a friendship. We spent time talking after work, and for hours at night on the phone. This led to spending Saturday afternoons together, then evenings. I was much more mature for my age and did not find myself comfortable with peers my own age. I had a few friends that were at least 8-10 years older than me.

1996: I graduated a year yearly from high school, a month after my 17th birthday. I had enough credits and high enough grades to do this. I was so ready to get on with my “life” and I never really felt like I fit in at high school. I was in a big hurry to get out of there. The next month after graduation I found out I was pregnant. The boyfriend was now 27 and now we lived together.

At first I was so happy. I thought: that my family life (with my mother and step-father) was so f***ed up, but now I have a chance to start over and make a “new family” and we will all be oh so happy and live oh so happy ever after. What a friggen’ joke! Playing house with him was so lonely. I tried to go to the community college, but quit. I never really had any friends before, and now what 17 year old wants to hang out with me…pregnant and playing house?

1997: We bought a house, had a baby, and started a family. He was (and still is) the most wonderful father I have ever met. If he could have breastfed our daughter, I think he would have. He did everything for her. But still I was so lonely. Almost jealous of the attention the baby got. I felt empty.

Then he proposed. I always thought he did it mostly because of his family…you know it is a SIN to have a child out of wedlock? She was a [censored]. And we are living in SIN!! They are such hippocrates (living in those glass houses too). I accepted his hand in marriage 9 months after our daughter was born. I remember standing at the altar on our wedding day thinking I was so lucky that I was able to marry my best friend.

Then we drank. It was what we did. He drank a lot when I was pregnant. There were many late nights that I waited for him to come home, drove by the bars, even going in to pull him home. After the baby came I felt it was “my turn” to go out. I thought if he knew how sh*tty it felt to be up waiting for your spouse to come home he wouldn’t do it to me…WRONG. Now we just took turns going out with our friends for late nights.

Then I was a drunk, in an empty marriage, too young and too old at the same time. I slept with anybody that would have me. Trying to fill some kind of void. Before the birth of our second daughter 3 years later I had maybe 4 one night stands (all involved alcohol). None of these were at all emotional affairs. I can honestly say they meant nothing to me, and I don’t even remember their names.

2000: Now we have two daughters and a HUGE drinking problem. We drank everyday. I drank at home, alone. I drank to celebrate. I drank to punish. I drank because I was happy, mad, horney, bored. We drank together, it was the only time we had any fun. Our second daughter is 6 months old…I am pregnant again…and in the 6 months I have had another one night stand. My H is totally unaware of any of these affairs.

2001: Our third daughter is born.

2002: 12 months since the youngest daughter is born and no one night stands, but now it is worse. I somehow meet and start talking to this guy. The details of all of that don’t matter. What does is now I am in an emotional affair…I really like him. “He understands me, he listens to me, he loves me…” all of that crap. Now it is physical. 4 months go by and I find out that this OM has done this before with many many other married women…some kind of “serial” adulterer…is there such a thing, anyway and I find out he is stalking me. Driving by, pictures, numerous obsessive phone calls, etc. Thinks me and kids are leaving H to be with him. I break it off with him in Oct. 2001 (a total A of 4 months).

H and I are now not drinking. He is suspicious of some of my behavior of late night drinking with the OM, and not coming home on occasion. H is starting to question my excuses. I admit to my drinking problem but not to any of the EA or PA I have had. H does not admit to having a drinking problem himself. I go to AA meetings, he goes to none. Still though, he does not drink, comes straight home after work, and seems a little more interested in me. I am back in college now, thinking that was the void I needed to fill.

2003: Nope, more emptiness. Another EA with a man from the gym, this leads to PA (obviously). Previous OM (the stalker) still drives by, takes pictures of me with new OM and attempts to tell H. H believes my side of story (sorta) and the PA continues for another 4 months (a total of 8 months with this A). Around this time is when I decide that an abortion would be the best way to handle my most recent pregnancy. The baby was H’s (OM had vasectomy) and H still does not know. I am sure there is no hope for me now.

I KNOW IT IS A LONG STORY

Four months later and immediately another A. This time it is much worse. A much stronger EA (physical too). H and I are so distant it is so easy to be so close to someone else. I almost wanted him to find out so he will divorce me so I can be in a “real marriage” not the fake-just-for-show one I was in. H does find out, December 17, 2003. I tell him I am not happy and we attempt MC, but I do not stop seeing OM. I know DUH! I just keep lying to H to have my cake and eat it too. I got so good at lying and he got so good at believing me. But his family was still hating me for 7 years ago “trapping” him into marriage and when told of the recent events went on a vendetta…following me, photographing me, etc.

2004: I file for divorce. It is real real real real bad now. I bring our three children to OM house frequently to “play with OM’s kids.” Now H is fighting me for custody. Getting worse, he is tape recording all conversations and hiding video cameras in our house, etc.,etc. I tell you: divorce attorneys are scum. Three months of this hell and believe me I don’t know what happened…I WOKE UP, I realized I needed professional help. I was depressed, suicidal. I finally admitted that I needed help for the sexual abuse I endured as a young girl. I went back to God. I went to confession. I felt so relieved. I knew that even if my H hated me and things were never repaired, I would always be loved by God, and I gave myself permission to love and respect myself again! I was forgiven by God, now I had to forgive myself.

3/2004: H and I started talking. I told him I was no longer seeing OM, I realized how damaging it was for our children, that even if he still wanted the divorce, I still wasn’t going back to OM. And I meant it. I need major work on myself, professionally. Told him I was sorry. Offered any information he wanted. He listened. He cared. I love that man and explained that I want a real marriage, happy one. He told me he didn’t want me to go through this alone. THAT’S RIGHT he wanted to help ME through this child sexual abuse thing. At this point we are still divorcing.

Then in court one day, during a recess, his attorney comes to my attorney and me and tells me that H wants to reconcile! We are continuing the case to see if reconciliation is possible! I was so happy, we cried, and hugged, and cried. His family was there and all got up, told him to “have a nice life” and left. We have not seen them since…except for when one of his sisters called to inform him she wanted repayment of $$$ she loaned H for attorney fees.

Today I feel like our marriage is stronger than ever. I feel like I have my best friend back. We are making time for us as a “couple,” we are a united team in parenting, and we have gone back to church. But we both have many questions on how to deal with certain things. We have already been doing a lot of things discussed here at MB, even though I only found this site a week ago. So that makes me feel encouraged. Now that I have told my story, where should I go to post some of my questions? Are we in “recovery” yet? Help!

You can start your own thread to ask questions -

AS for recovery - how do you feel about it, it looks as though you are beginning recovery but it will probably take about two years before you feel things are for sure. Can you go that long?

SS

SS:
First of all, thank you so much for reading my story. It is the first time I have ever put it all out there in writing and it was extremely scary. A hard slap in the face. I had to take complete stock of my life and complete accountability for all that has occured. Have never done that before. Of course a lot of the details are missing that I am sure probably account for more than I am willing to admit.

As to your reply about recovery possibly taking two years...and can I wait that long...definetly. I am willing to do whatever it takes, for however long it takes. I have made many changes already in my/our lifestyle to aid in regaining not only some form of trust back, but also in communicating better.

I will begin posting some of my feelings now...probably under the "Just Found Out" and "Recovery" both seem to apply.

I know it is unrealistig to ask "when...or how long...etc." So I will just ask this..."It does eventually hurt less, right? Can I ever expect the hurt to stop completely?"

Again, thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />