Hello all,<P>I posted here earlier in the year. My wife had an affair with a friend of mine for about two years. In May, she led me to believe that it was all over, and we were actually making significant progress in our recovery. <P>This past Tuesday, I found out that she has been in constant contact with the OM all this time. I feel like a am even further behind than I was in January upon discovery. Does this EVER stop? <P>When I confronted her with her contact, she denied everything until I called the calling card company with the card she had been using and obtained the telephone numbers she had been dialing. She called him twice that day even!<P>After that, she admitted everything. I asked her what her intentions were, and she told me she was going to call him to come and get her. She has been deceiving me all this time. I feel so low today, I just don't know what to do.<P>My children and I are devestated! <P>Funny thing, though, after all this time, she would never even consider any of the Harley methods, and when she came to visit us the other day, I asked her to read "Surviving an Affair". She is now on page 24.

Easy does it <B>scanman</B>...<P>Catch your breath...<P>When you say "she told me she was going to call him to come and get her"...<BR>...do you mean she is leaving you???<P>You know you have my prayers...<P>You've done a good Plan A (through what you've done in "recovery")??? right?!?...<P>You've worked on the other 2 rules (Time & Honesty(or so))??? right?!?...<P>You've worked on POJA??? right?!?...<P>If things happen fast...<BR>...come frequently back to the forum...<BR>...post... and ...post...<BR>...vent... and ...vent...<P>Plan B may be in the offing...<BR>...but don't let your mind race too fast.<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>She left that evening. She took the majority of her clothes and toiletry items. He drove the 2.5 hours to get her and she left us. <P>She is now back at the house caring for my youngest while I am at work, as she recently was injured.<P>I have done a very mediocre plan A, in retrospect. I mean, it looked good to me at the time, but now I am not sure.<P>As far as time and honesty, on my part, I could only guess at what her most important emotional needs were, and the biggest one I could come up with was communication. I have made a huge effort to be a very attentive listener, but looking back, she was gradually pulling away.<P>The POJA was never discussed, as she never acknowleged that the Harley methods were anything but "#%*&". <P>The only hope that I see is that she actually picked up that book and started reading it. My sincere hope is that she will see enough of herself in the John, Sue, and Greg saga that she will realize that perhaps the Harleys know what they are talking about and the survival of our marriage is possible.

scanman...<P>It sounds like you really never made it to recovery... <P>Is she home (living, sleeping etc.) in the house with you???...<BR>...if so... so full out on the Plan A!<P>How much contact is there now?<P>If your W does or doesn't get it...<BR>...it doesn't matter...<BR>...just be true to Plan A... growth!<P>If she is heading out some time soon...<BR>...then consider Plan B.<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>She is home for now, though the majority of her clothes are at his house. She is back to sleeeping on the couch and Plan A is in full force.<P>I am not sure what you mean by "How much contact is there now?", but if you mean with the OM, well, after I found out about the phone business, I told her and him again that I will not fund nor subsidize any contact between them and that he is absolutely not to call my house again. He then went out and got her a cell phone that she wears 24/7. I asked her not to expose our family to her contact anymore, that it is no longer a secret, and am in no way asking her to be secretive, just respect the family and go somewhere private if she must talk to him. <P>She has been fairly good about that, it is just so hard though, when we are sitting around with the kids, laughing or trying to have family time, and her cell phone rings. She immediately answers or if she misses the call, goes outside and calls him right back. It is at those moments I feel my wife slipping away from her family.<P>I think somewhere inside her she sees that her method of fixing our problems have not worked and perhaps it is time to consider other means. She is now on page 38 of Surviving an Affair. <P>Thanks.<P>

scanman...<P>page 38...<BR>...a little more progress... <P><B>PTC</B> from <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>!<P>Your not ready for Plan B...<BR>...are you?!<P>Patience my friend...<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>No, I am not ready for Plan B yet. <P>The other night, I resolved myself to the fact that I am up against not only my wife's inablilty to see through the fog, but the OM's as well. Behind it all is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, the feeling of love.<P>It was then that I decided that I would make the necessary changes in my Plan A to either succeed or know beyond any doubt that the failure of my marriage was not due to my not doing everything in my power to fix it.<P>I have resolved to not yell and not plead, no matter what. <P>Last night, she did not feel well and layed her head on my leg for a moment, looked up at me and said, "I have to make a call in a few minutes", meaning she needed to call the OM on the cell phone that he bought her.<P>I tell you, that was a difficult moment for me, but I just smiled and said, "I understand". <P>Patience is the key, you are right. She is on page 44 now!<P>Thanks Jim, you are most kind.