Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#402713 10/13/00 10:37 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 43
G
Gill Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 43
After much soul-searching (my problems are well documented in this forum) and sleepless nights, I decided to send my wife an E-mail about my feelings about her "dalliance".... Is this a LB? I don't think it is...<P><BR>I am reaching out to you with love in my heart, genuine feelings that should not be misconstrued as anything but wanting us together. I have been and will continue to be a man who loves you, listens to you and desires you. Let me love you and love me. Love me because I see the beauty in you and our family and want to keep it above all else. I'm still standing before you every day, arms open wide, waiting....<P>My needs are modest. Thay have always been. The things I cherish and desire are here. I see them every morning when I wake up and realize that I have what I need most. <P>If you love me, then reach for me....open your heart.....I won't hurt you.....this is too important to me....you're too important to me. Needing someone is not a weakness, it does not mean dependence...it means sharing something together ....a marriage , children, a home, happiness, sorrow....being there for each other.....loving one another....not holding back.....<P>If you cannot, summon the courage and tell me. There will come a time, if you don't love me, that this will be impossible to hide.

#402714 10/14/00 12:46 AM
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
N
NSR Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Gill...<P>I hate to say it...<P>...it(your letter) can be thought of as LB-ing.<P>Thoughts like...<P>"Love me because I see the beauty in you and our family..."... could be the thoughts she has about the OM.<P>"My needs are modest..."... implies her's are not.<P>"Needing someone is not a weakness, it does not mean dependence..."... true or not... it is not what needs to be said in a "love letter"!<P>"If you love me, then reach for me..."... your saying <B>she</B> has to do it herself!<P>"If you cannot, summon the courage and tell me..."... can be interpretted as judging her courage...<P>...all can be considered as LBs.<P>Check out the post by <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000436.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A letter for separated WS - seeking advice </A> as an example where there is less LB-ing.<P>Love letters need to show your strength...<BR>your independence...<BR>your self-reliance...<P>...not listing your needs<BR>...not listing your wants<BR>...not what is right or wrong<BR>...not educating your spouse<P>------------------------------------------<P>This is a hard time for you...<BR>...think through what I said...<BR>(I'm not saying I know it all...<BR>...just recounting 14 months of what I've seen on these forums)<P>Praying for you...<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

#402715 10/13/00 06:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 144
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 144
I would like to say that you reaching out to her is wonderful. But you need to inform her that you can meet her needs, and that you have chosen her. I would love to get a letter saying that my husband chose me, and that he loved and respected me. That what ever happens between us, I will never lose that respect. I would like it if my H. would write letters of encouragement, and building of trust, talking about my strengths and his strengths, and how we compliment each other and how we can build our dreams together. But H. chose to write those words to OW> Hang in there, expressing your desire for her, and your willingness to listen, encourage, comfort, and empathize will be evident to her soon. I will keep you in my prayers, and will check in later tonight and see how you are doing. Maybe, through this channel of support, your W. will see how loving, determined, and willing you are to be with her. God bless, Gn

#402716 10/16/00 06:37 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 43
G
Gill Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 43
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by snugglermi:<BR><B>I would like to say that you reaching out to her is wonderful. But you need to inform her that you can meet her needs, and that you have chosen her. I would love to get a letter saying that my husband chose me, and that he loved and respected me. That what ever happens between us, I will never lose that respect. I would like it if my H. would write letters of encouragement, and building of trust, talking about my strengths and his strengths, and how we compliment each other and how we can build our dreams together. But H. chose to write those words to OW> Hang in there, expressing your desire for her, and your willingness to listen, encourage, comfort, and empathize will be evident to her soon. I will keep you in my prayers, and will check in later tonight and see how you are doing. Maybe, through this channel of support, your W. will see how loving, determined, and willing you are to be with her. God bless, Gn</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Thanks for your kind words. The support I find among the group is an enormous help at a very difficult time. <BR>


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 905 guests, and 53 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5