Re-Edited for Christmsa Eve & Christmas Day<P>Lyrics of a song to get me though a day without my kids... <P>I still pray that my girl... could find her way home...<BR>----------------------<BR><B>Old City Bar</B><P>In an old city bar<BR>That is <I>never too far</I><BR>From the places that gather<BR>The dreams that have been<P>In the safety of night<BR>With its old neon light<BR>It beckons to strangers<BR>And they always come in<P>And the snow it was falling<BR>The neon was calling<BR>The music was low<BR>And the night<BR>Christmas Eve<P>And here was the danger<BR>That even with strangers<BR>Inside of this night<BR>It's easier to believe<P>Then the door opened wide<BR>And a child came inside<BR>That no one in the bar<BR>Had seen there before<P>And he asked did we know<BR>That outside in the snow<BR>That someone was lost<BR>Standing outside the door<P>Then the bartender gazed<BR>Through the smoke and the haze<BR>Through the window and ice<BR>To a corner street light<P>Where standing alone<BR>By a broken pay phone<BR>Was a girl the child said<BR>Could no longer get home<P>And the snow it was falling<BR>The neon was calling<BR>The bartender turned<BR>And said, not that I care<BR>But how would you know this?<BR>The child said I've noticed<BR>If one could be home<BR>They'd be already there<P>Then the bartender came out from behind the bar<BR>And in all of his life he was <B>never that far</B><BR>And he did something else that he thought no one saw<BR>When he took all the cash from the register draw<P>Then he followed the child to the girl across the street<BR>And we watched from the bar as they started to speak<BR>Then he called for a cab and he said J.F.K.<BR>Put the girl in the cab and the cab drove away<BR>And we saw in his hand<BR>That the cash was all gone<BR>From the light that she had<BR>wished upon<P>If you want to arrange it<BR>This world you can change it<BR>If we could somehow make this<BR>Christmas thing last<P>By helping a neighbor<BR>Or even a stranger<BR>And to know who needs help<BR>You need only just ask<P>Then he looked for the child<BR>But the child wasn't there<BR>Just the wind and the snow<BR>Waltzing dreams through the air<P>So he walked back inside<BR>Somehow different I think<BR>For the rest of the night<BR>No one paid for a drink<P>And the cynics will say<BR>That some neighborhood kid<BR>Wandered in on some bums<BR>In the world where they hid<P>But they weren't there<BR>So they couldn't see<BR>By an old neon star<BR>On that night, Christmas Eve<P>When the snow it was falling<BR>The neon was calling<BR>And in case you should wonder<BR>In case you should care<P>Why we're on our own<BR>Never went home<BR>On that night of all nights<BR><B><I>We were already there</I></B>.<P>(Copyright 1996… Atlantic Recording Corporation)<BR>----------------------<P>I think most of us are...<BR><B>...never that far...</B><P>{For my beloved... I missed you this Christmas Eve and thank you for a hug Christmas morning.}<P>Jim <P>PS. Comforting responses from the earlier posting are still very meaningful to me...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited December 25, 1999).]

Jim,<P>I know exactly what you are trying to say, I think. I would dread every Christmas because I knew that Val would want to stop at every tree place in a 25 mile radius looking for the perfect one. We would be out for hours and hours looking, comparing and waiting for the "one" to jump out at her. I considered this torture.<P>This year my son and I found a tree at the first place we stopped. I thought that if my beloved would still be with me I would have traveled to the ends of the earth for her tree now. <P>We were setting it up in the holder, another problem in the past, trying to get it straight. I hated that too. She would have me under the tree forever making sure it was perfect. Once again, I would stay under there turning the damned screws for days if she was here with me.<P>We had always put the lights, garland, and balls on together as well as decorated the house. This year starts a new tradition.<P>I don't have any "sappy" lyrics as you call them. Only "sappy" memories. That and I don't think there is anything sappy about how we feel.<P> <P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

NSR,<P>That was so lovely what you posted. I'm crying now. But please don't feel bad. I'm <BR>just a sucker for things like that and a sentimental fool as well.

Jim,<P>My heart goes out to you my friend, you are in my prayers daily. Not only you but also your wife.<P>Holidays are supposed to be a time to celebrate. It's very difficult when our worlds have been shattered by this cruel thing called adultery.<P>Keep in mind it is a time for great celebration. This is when we celebrate the birth of our Savior. He told us with him living in us through the Holy Spirit we are never alone. Sometimes it's hard to have faith especialy when it is something yuo can't physicaly touch. The peace I have inside knowing God is with me, knowing He will not put more on me than I can handle at one time, helps me put my shoes on everyday and do his bidding.<P>How the people who vowed to love us can be so cold is beyond me. I do know this, when my head hits the pillow each night and I close my eyes and all I have is me, I do so with a clear concience.<P>One of the first things my shrink told me was anger and hurt are born out of love. I don't know exactly how that applies to you, it was comforting to me.<P>In Gary Chapmans book Hope for the sparated, he tells us how to pray for our spouces. This is his prayer: pray for the specific work of the Holy Spirit in the life of your spouce. Pray that God will effect a deep sence of guilt for his or her sin; that He will impart a genuine awareness of what it means to be righteous(right); and an understanding of the reality of judgement to come upon those who don't repent. Such praying is in what we know to be the work of the Holy Spirit. God will answer that prayer.<P>How our wives respond to that is up to them.<P>The fickled finger of fate have a funny way of getting us to change. As hard as it is to accept for spme reason God has allowed this to happen to us. All I know is more will be revealed.<P>Robin has always been the light person on our tree, fortunatly she was here to do it this year. I can empathise with how you felt. I don't think I could have held back the tears.<P>Love God, yourself, and your children, let there christmas carry you. I imagine they miss there mom too. I hope and pray her guilt over them can break through whatever it is that keeps her destroying her family.<P>Keep the faith, God always gives us what we NEED.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Did you get my email?<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jim,<P>With a tear rolling down my cheek, let me share something I read yesterday in the book, "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom (page 40)<P>"Life is a series of pulls back & forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even though you know you should never take anything for granted.<P>A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And, most of us live somewhere in the middle.<P>Sounds like a wrestling match, I say. A wrestling match, he laughs. Yes, you could describe it that way.<P>So which side wins, I ask. Which side wins? He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.<P>Love wins. Love always wins."<P>We all must remember that, Jim. Love always wins. <P>

Jim,<P>Thanks for the lovely lyrics. So, your W is the lights person....well, my H always did the lights and I alwasy did the decorations alone or with the kids.<P>This year I have a 15 foot tree - it is HUGE! I have a two-story den with a 20 foot ceiling. Only put white lights on the tree - no decorations - to symbolize love and hope.....The tree is BEAUTIFUL!<P>New traditions this year for us all......<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

My new tradition started today too. O let the the kids decorate everything and let them puts things where they wanted. It is their holiday now.<P>I did see some stress in them, in that my daughter wanted to put up a live tree too. We always had a kids tree(artificial0 in the family room, and a live "formal" tree in the living room. That is too much work for me alone plus stbx took the "formal" tree decorations for their/her tree. It made me sad trying to remember where things went so thats why I let the kids do what they wanted.<P>Then my stbx came to take my daughter shopping. I asked her about the mortgage money and she said that she had bought Christmas gifts for YOUR KIDS and the bills were already there. She said she would pay me next month what she could. I told her we would be divorced next month. She said she would give me what she could. I told her to forget about it.<P>I could just feel the anger welling up and getting ready to come out. She is working full time, has someone paying half her rent and utilities, so where is all her money going? She can afford to go on vacation next month, although I imagine his mommy is paying for that. Her bills can't be more than $600/month and she has to bringing home about $2000/month.<P>This is the second time in two days she has said something about the kids being MY kids.<BR>I wonder what's up with that?

I posted this originally when Iwas putting up my Christmas tree with the kids 2 weeks ago...<P>It's now Christmas morning...<BR>Christmas promises... maybe in the New Year... <P><B>Merry Christmas to all.</B><P>Jim

Okay, I am now technically crying. <BR>Nancy