This is a long one but here it goes…. D-Day happened six years ago when my daughter was 4 months old. My WH went back and forth between the OW and I. He was my first love and I was very foolish….and I was not about to let the OW have a happy ever after with my WH. So I kept accepting him back. I did go through the broken hearted pain and anguish that accompanies the discovery of an A.
I think my WH was used to having two women fight over him. When one of us got mad he just turned to the other and would be taken back. He got to keep the two women he wanted. It wasn’t until a year after the A that the OW got pregnant. It was then that I bowed out gracefully. I had no contact with WH. I think this scared him and he left the OW (pregnant and all) and came back to me.
The problem was that he never put back what he took away. What I mean by this is that he never gave back the love and attention I needed to feel loved by him. To feel secure in our relationship and to feel like an attractive, vibrant woman. My self esteem was shot to s*** and I did not feel sexually attractive. So when it came to sex I was not there emotionally. He noticed this and our sex life eventually became non-existent. Before our sex life became non-existent I opened up to try to tell him that my emotional needs were not being met and the consequence was that his physical needs were not being met. Not out of selfishness but because women need to feel love to make love (Dr. Gray) He finally told me that he was not the type of person that was able to provide the loving attention that I needed. I accepted this unwillingly, but I knew that this would come back and bite him in the a**.
You may be wondering why I am writing this after six years. Well three weeks ago, I found an email to him from another woman. A co-worker who he was having an A with. His response was that I was not satisfying his needs in bed. I told him that he was not meeting my emotional needs, but that does not make it okay for me to go out and have an A. What is especially bad about this A is that he works for the apartment complex that we live in and the OW works in the office, so they see each other every day. I exposed the A from day one. I confronted the OW at work (she was by herself), asked her why and said my peace. I told he I was going to tell her H. She asked me why was I going to do this to her kids. I told her because she was doing this to mine. (she knew of me and my kids,12, 5 and 11 months) She said she was not going to see WH anymore. I thanked her but not before knocking her on her [censored]. I exposed them to their boss. Who is working on getting on of them transferred.
The help that I need from you guys is that I can’t figure out what to do next. I am not a broken hearted fool. I feel more disappointed in him than anything else. I am not angry, hurt or neurotic.. just disappointed. We still love each other. I just feel as if I can no longer be his lover. His friend but not his lover. Right now I am using my head not my heart and I wonder if this is enough to save this marriage. Shouldn’t I feel wounded? I can easily walk out of this relationship without so much as a by your leave. Yet, I feel sorry for him and for the children. Yes, we have tried to work on it. Somedays, it good, but some days, I could care less. I don’t feel I can trust him, and It means nothing for me to try. Except for the A, his an exemplary person and father and you would never think he was the type to do this.
Should we move to a different place and have him get a different job? Should I move with the kids? Should I try? Should I give up? Shoudl I tell the OW's H? (If I tell the OW's H my WH boss said she would have not choice but to fire the OW and my WH...I dont want to bite my hand to spite my face because we really need his income)
P.S. This first OW, recently emailed my WH to tell him she still has feelings for him and also sent him a very sexually explicit email. (He showed me this because he does not like her becuz she messes with his visitation schedule when it comes to their daughter) My WH and the second OW have no contact…supposedly. So, you see, I have a lot of issues. Help!