smur

how are you???

been spending a lot of time over at idiotville... A2 is being very very difficult so I took IC/MC advice and let it all go throught to the keeper right now...though it hurts a bit I have to admit... but what will be will be.

He seems very much to be on a rollercoaster of anger silence anger silence then sudden bouts of contentment......very hard to pick him and you are never sure who you wake up to..... the grinch or happy Jack......... oh well.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I hope things are still going well for you & H and that recovery is better and better....missed posting to you..... when do you get back home?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm puking all over the place but Saltines help a lot,,,, and showing more than I thought possible........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Man I am crying at such silly things, kids shows, news, movies, can't beleive it.... once upon a time I swear you could cut my finger off and I'd only blink..big tuff country girl....what a wuzz .LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Can't watch Bambi with the young nephew.......... I cry all the way through.... oh you stop laughing at me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Oops the grinch is IN.... sigh deep breath smiley face on and see what s going on... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> there look ok???

I'll certainly catch up later or just email me...bye sweets

Hey AW!

Yesterday was the first day I looked at MB in a couple of weeks, I've been really busy, so I guess thats a good sign... But I'm back home <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> !

I got back to Sydney a week ago and I've been busy seeing friends and rellies, moving house, eating a lot, starting back at my old job...oops, I guess I am already starting posting from work..

Also H and I seem to be slowly improving. We had quite a bad patch about 6 weeks or so ago, and I guess we still have a fair way to go to recover properly, especially since right now everything we're getting used to being in Oz and old jobs and house etc again. At the moment we seem to be able to discuss things a little more. I guess I'm cautiously optimistic. Also almost all of our friends here seem to have babies or young children, and I can see H is affected by them and loves being around them, so I think thats a good sign... I am waiting for the day when we are recovered enuff to have that conversation... Who knows, maybe he'll beat me too it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm sorry to hear that things are tough with A2 right now. Is it that the war has caused so much anger and frustration in him, that now its being directed against anyone around, and stirring up memories ? So you're kind of doing a Plan A? Sounds difficult, what with all the pregnancy hormones floating around. Great that Idiotville is there for some light relief! Wow, the baby must be pretty healthy, if you're showing already!!
Good to hear from you again, and hope things improve for A2, for your sake as well!!!

Hey AW,

How are you going? Still feeling sick? How long does that stage last for?
I sometimes check our Idiotville, though I haven't posted for a while, cos its sort of time consuming to catch up if you miss it for a long time. Are things still going well for you and A2?

Sometimes it seems that almost nothing happens for longish periods of time and then everything happens at once! Its that way for me anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Today is kind of a worry day for me... maybe I'm premenstrual. I just found out that my friend who I work with back here is pregnant.. somehow being surrounded by great happy preggers couples is kind of triggering for me at times! You're the exception of course <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm finding that back home, its easy for H and me to fall back into old habits of not talking about our R so much, and tending to spend a lot of time out together with other friends and family, and not much time alone with just the two of us... I don't know if its conflict avoidance on both our parts. I think we are talking about our R a reasonable amount, but its also just getting the opportunity to, when you're in the right frame of mind. I like the idea of MC for a few reasons, but one them is just that it at least gives you a set regular forum to talk and listen to each other's feelings, and sort out conflicts. I would gladly pay for that, though H says he thinks its really expensive and wouldn't be so helpful, so he doesn't want to go. He thinks we're going ok just by ourselves. Hmmm... Maybe I'm just on a downer today, hopefully better tomorrow.

Take care and hope A2's well too

Hi Smur

well I am feeling somewhat better coming onto the 12th week and the end of the first trimester...thats when you are usually sick, though some poor women are sick for the WHOLE pregnancy though its rare.

Saltines helped a lot, and there are drugs you cna get but I never like taking anything when pregnant, even if I should <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> lol

A2 and I are .. well ok I suppose you would call it. No discussions on R at all, but thats probably asking way to much right now. Hes just really getting some control over his PTSD and not too talkative about much of anything.

I think right now he just wants to let things go as 'normally' as possible, enjoy 'life' free from someone wanting to shoot at him, and let like happen to him. You know just go with the flow. So I'm happy as possible around him and our SF has started to be a LOT better - at least I'm feeling a whole lot better about it and he says hes ok too - just in time for the horny trimester 2 heh heh heh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I still feel the other shoe will drop eventually and he'll be agro over he affair - of course - and the real roller coaster will start. Just not sure if this happens in the 3rd Trimester or with a new born how I will handle it, guess I will just have to.

Yes it does seem we have long 'as is' status periods then 'wham' it gets better or worse and you sit there stunned asking WTH happened???

Happy and preggers...how oh how I wish zi could truly say there was no shadow over us at this time!! but I guess you do the crime you do the time as they say. Its both wonderful and a real comfort and hope for he future and a terrible burden that saddens me. That side of it sucks !!
It really confuses me at times.

You know it might be such a good thing for you to start going to a MC or IC yourself first and then see if H will eventually go as well. A2 hardly ever turns up these days and seems amused by the whole thing....... dont ask me why, its not funny to me.... I guess part of his behaviour overall.

It really helps to have a neutral formal forum to discuss the really hard bits and our MC/IC is really good at getting to the nitty gritty. Yes costs an arm & a leg but I think is worth it.

I still cant help feeling so stupid for getting involved in the first place. For all the IC & MC work and understanding what happened and why I decided this or that, it still sounds just plain dumb.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I still cant help feeling so stupid for getting involved in the first place. For all the IC & MC work and understanding what happened and why I decided this or that, it still sounds just plain dumb. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can so relate to this!! Some days I just feel embarrassed. Almost none of our friends or family know, mainly because H didn't want anyone to know, but now when I think about them knowing, I can't imagine how I would explain it since it just strikes me as completely inexplicable and silly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Granted, there were problems in the R that needed a lot of discussion and new ways of dealing with things, granted I was resentful about various things... but still, now when I look at it, I think - What could have been so bl00dy difficult about telling H that! Why the h3ll did I avoid it, build up a block about it to the point where it overshadowed my love for H, and then be ready to jump into bed with some OM just because he made me feel good about myself again.... You don't need to answer that, I sort of know the answer and its not pretty! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm glad you're nearing the end of the morning sickness and its getting better. I can see what you mean about A2 needing some 'normal' time, he still has his own things to get over. It must be a bit disconcerting to have him thinking the MC is amusing... it sounds like he has really distanced himself from a lot of things. I guess you have to when you've got people shooting at you and its literally life and death. Other people's worries must seem a bit trivial for a while.
It'll be completely different once the baby comes, I guess, since it is once more a matter of life and death, in this case, a new life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, I might take up your idea of going to MC by myself. I was a bit hesitant because my IC in Japan told me that when he saw just one partner start 'couples counselling', the other S very rarely joined in later. He said he saw successful 'couples counselling' when they made the decision to go together. But I guess I need to make sure i stay on the right track as much as I can, so maybe its the right thing for me.

Well done not letting A2's frame of mind get you down, you're doing well with that!
Good to hear your news!