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#456143 01/22/05 10:59 AM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
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mojoHi Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 3
its my first here, and even thinking about talking about it. i found out for sure 18mos ago that my man cheated on me, with my best friend, my other friends knew about it as well, even my family . i admit i suspected it was going on for quite awhile, but i guess, i didnt want to admit that they'd do that. i felt so betrayed by everyone, like a huge idiot, i still do.
i started a job where i was working till 10pm., there was not of time for us... and when there was he was too drunk, or "out", usually at her place( her hubby found out and left her while it was going on and i was told it was because of her increased drinking, i'd believed that!) all i knew then was that she was distanting herself from me( she was my BESTfriend for 13yrs, i've been with my man for only 3 yrs), then she wouldn't see me at all, making out that i was some kind of *****, even our other mutal friends wouldn't have anything to do with me and i couldn't figure out why, i thought i was going crazy. My man told me he didn't know why, even though he was seeing her while i was at work. I point blank asked him many time if he was having an affair with her, of course denials, and i didn't want to look stupid with possible false accusations. well then it blew up and i found out for sure they were. i came home one night, he wasn't home again, i called her house, she snapps that he's on his way home, and he was. that night he confessed to having slept with her only once a few months ago. ( i know that's a lie, it was many times) he has never confessed to more than that. we lived in a small community, her and the other "friends" made it very awkard for me to be anywhere other than in my own home. i still dont understand why i, the "victim", was so outcast. i'm still with him, at first mostly b/c i couldn't afford to leave, and on hindsight, i feel i chose the lesser of two evils. he is after all a man. we moved 400km away, where i know no one but his family, and have no one to talk to about this kind of hurt to. I still feel many times that i should just leave, but where, i dont have the finances, he's made me feel like an idiot, and refuses to deal with the issue. He says, it's over, deal with it and shut-up, he doesn't want me to make him feel guilty, drag him through the mud,..etc. i feel like my feelings just don't count or he cares how much that situation hurt me. it wasn't just him and some woman i didn't know, it was all my friends that betrayed me, i feel like i've lost everyone. thats why i decided to move away with him. its easier dealing with just him and not everyone else. 18mos later and it still bothers me, we're no further ahead and i feel stuck. sorry this is so long, its the first time i've vented.

#456144 01/22/05 12:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 2,457
Hello,

I feel so sorry for you. You were betrayed not only by your husband but all of your friends. It is amazing to me that what you read here is often people questioning whether they should inform a friend that their spouse is cheating. This is such a no brainer. If you would have been informed earlier you could have the ability to deal with it sooner and not feel like such a fool as being the only one who did not know later. Your letter is a perfect example of this.

Again I am sorry what you are going through. Counseling is a must. You have been married a very short time. Decide what is best for you in the long run. I wish you luck.


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