Hey all!<P>I've been coming here for quite some time now, just lurking pretty much. I have read the Give and Take book. I have taken the Questionaire with my spouse. I have done alot of things.<P>I don't claim to be the perfect Husband, and I often end up Love Busting without even knowing it. It's really hard to be consious about certain things that you're spouse needs. It's true, I tend to be selfish. But, the infidelity I can't handle. Don't get me wrong, I do try to work on my wife's needs as she pointed out in the questionaire but I guess I didn't please her as she wanted.<P>She ended up leaving a month ago. At first it was because she didn't love me and loved someone else (someone whome she had an affair with a year ago), then she said it wasn't me and it was that she needed to get away from the house and the she still wanted me, now she doesn't want me and wants the other man, then tomorrow it will change. Okay, I'm tried of this crap.<P>I've lived a month without her now, and know I can ge along without her (day to day living things - cooking, cleaning, etc). Although, I have found her a place to stay (one of my relative's bachelor house behind the main house). And I have been spending my weekends with her and the kids. At first she wanted to work things out, although now she wants to talk to the other man whom she had an affair with a year or so ago (we've been on Plan A for about a year).<P>But, if she continues to have contact with that man then I feel that *my* family shouldn't help her and should have her packing. Is this wrong of me to ask? I also wish to not have contact with her at all. I'm too stick of this crap to care about her. I'm plain pissed off. She knows it, because I let her know that yesterday. Sure, I may have Love Busted, but damnit I was mad. There's only so many years of this a man can take. Even that's too much.<P>So, would it be wrong to move to Plan B and have her packing? That would royally piss her off because it will put her on the streets. But, I don't want to have to visit my relatives which I do on a daily basis an know that she's back there probably chatting on the phone with him. You know what I mean? I think it's disrespectfull.<P>Am I being too harsh? I feel that I need to give her a choice, back on Plan A until we can work out the living situation and get a new place of our own, or Plan B and she can just figure things out on her own. Of course I love her and would like her back, but I can't live with this on a day to day basis. You know what I mean?<P>Although, Plan B will be hard beause we have a 3 year old son whome I have custody of. And, I really don't want my son near that other person.<P>What do you think? Advice is welcome. Thanks!!!

<BR>Well, you have Plan A'd for a good long while, and now it is probably Plan B time. That means you meet none of her emotional needs....so she will have to find another place to live if one of those needs is a roof over her head. <P>Plan B is no contact EXCEPT where children and finances (and I don't think this includes accomodation) are concerned, so you should work out a visitation scheme for your child...one in which he is dropped off somewhere mutually agreed, she goes so you don't have to see her at all, and then you pick up your child. <P>Does that help?<P>Sorry you had to wait so long for a response....some of the other boards are quicker. You could post this in General Questions II, if you'd like more advice.

So Plan B is the way to go it seems. It's interesting though that now she's working alot more to be more affectionate and stuff like that. I got her interested in reading anti-divorce books. She picked up one from the Borders bookstore the other day. I guess that's a start. Then again, she's probably doing this only because that guy is in Louisiana (visiting family she said).<P>I also told her about my quest on self-learning when it comes to meeting her Emotional Needs. I don't know, in a way her new interest in our marriage seems kind of phony. Also, I'm being heavily influenced by others when they tell me that multiple affairs (with same person) should not be forgiven. Once maybe, but not twice or three times. That was my mother's advice. Is mother always right?<P>At this point, I already have learned that I can do fine by myself. It's been over a month that I've lived on my own. Although, I'm terribly lonely. Part of me toys with the idea of dating again, but most of me just doesn't want to hassle with it. It's too much work, and almost impossible since I still have feelings for my wife. Then again, I wouldn't be looking to jump into anything. I just want to fullfill one of those needs that men always complain that there's not enough of, if you know what I mean. I know, this is an idea I should just erase from my head because I'm not ready and probably won't be for a long while.<P>But now it seems I have to go through everything all over again. The resentment and everything. Those things that Harley talks about that goes on after the affair. I thought I already went through that I didn't want to do it again. I tried to sweep it under the rug so that I wouldn't think about it, but it's not always helping. Nor is it the right thing to do.<P>Well, we'll see what happens. I'm interested in saving the marriage so we'll see how it goes. If she still keeps talking to him. Then it's deifnately Plan B mode.

"I'm being heavily influenced by others when they tell me that multiple affairs (with same person) should not be forgiven. Once maybe, but not twice or three times. That was my mother's advice. Is mother always right?"<P>YES

So basically, what your'e saying is that she's right? As if you couldn't make that any more clear.. LOL<P>Don't know what to say. I mean, maybe both of you are right. But isn't this forum here to learn how to forgive and forget? Or, is there a limit to how many times you can forgive? I'm not sure how it all works.<P>I've read here that some poeple here had numerous affairs yet still manage to fix their marriage. Is there a time to throw in the towel? When do you know it's that time? When do you know that the relationship is just too unhealthy to keep fighting for it?<P>I'd love to hear some insight on all that, or maybe some pointers on where I can find the answers.

Hi tired: My wife is on her second affair we blew the first one. We both thought we were the only ones who could have ever felt that way. My wife is still seeing the other man but said she has more hope for change now than she die 8 years ago. Just found MB this spring. A little late. Keep trying> I believe in love and family so that is what I fucos on. My wife lives in the present and this is cruel but to her one fling or orgasam seems to be worth years of pain. I do not get it but that is life. Stay strong and good luck.

allicat,<P>I hear ya and feel your pain. Hang in there, and I'll do my best to do the same. <P>