I have read Give and Take and Love Busters, and it is frightening how close Dr. Harley's examples come to my marriage. Unfortunately, we didn't get this information when our relationship started. He has been Love Busting since we were dating, and I didn't have enough self-respect to stop it. He did meet most of my emotional needs then, though. But when we got married, and even more after our daughter was born, his Love Busters REALLY came out of the closet. It has gotten to the point where I have started bad Love Busting habits too, and I am now in complete withdrawl. We are in the middle of the divorce process, but he wanted to try and work things out, so we are going to counseling now. The problem is, he will admit at one point that he has been abusive to me, but then the next time we have an argument, he pulls all of the abuse back out of his hat. His reasoning is that I am not meeting any of his emotional needs, and I am constantly attacking him (even when I am following the rules about calmly discussing feelings -- he still sees it as an attack). I am at a place where I don't give a damn about meeting his needs until he learns to quit tearing me down and abusing me. I have been told by friends and family that he is a classic abuser and will never change. At what point do I call it quits? Can he change? And even if he does, have things gone too far for us to get back to where we loved each other? I apologize for the length of the post, I would really appreciate input from anyone who has gotten through this type of situation.<br>Thanks, Meg.

Al I can say is don't give up yet. Stick with the counseling and things might work out. If he continues to be abusive then it might be time to end it or a least seperate for a while giving hime time to work it out. A marriage takes a lot of work from both partners. My marriage is in a similar situation but I feel only time will tell. Good luck.

Meghan--I know how you are feeling from a similar experience. Yes, there is hope. The fact that he wants to go to counseling is the best sign that he really cares. Stick with the counseling!!! After almost 3 years of counseling, my husband and I are climbing back uphill in our marriage. Its been difficult and emotionally painful.Yet, things are getting better. There has been progress. Our daughter is almost 4 now. She will be better off having both parents stay together in the long run. Both of you must take responsibility for your actions. Draw close to God right now. Without my relationship with the Lord, this would be well over. God loves you and has a plan for you. Connect with other people. Also remember,love is a choice. Make the decision to love and the feelings will follow. I'm right there with you!!