<BR>WELL I DIDN'T GET MUCH RESPONSE FROM MY FIRST INSERT SO I THOUGHT I'D TRY AGAIN WITH AN ABBREVIATED VERSION OF MY SITUATION.<BR>#1) ME AND MY WIFE HAVE HAD MAJOR PROBLEMS IN OUR 20 YR. MARRIAGE. <BR> A) INFIDELITY ON MY PART BEFORE MARRIAGE DUE TO HER DECIDING TO QUIT AFTER TWO YEARS UNTIL WE WERE MARRIED... ONE YEAR TO GO BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED SO I SAID NO AND WENT OUT AND FOUND OTHER SOURCES. WE GOT BACK TOGETHER BUT NEVER RESOLVED ISSUE... IT GREW BIG AND NASTY AND I DIDN'T SEE IT .<BR> B) PARTIAL INFIDELITY ON MY PART 7 YEARS AFTER MARRIAGE DUE TO OUR HAVING VERY BAD PROBLEMS FROM NOT RESOLVING A) AND IT LEADING TO GUESS WHAT...NO SEX AGAIN SO I AGAIN WENT OUT TO FIND OTHERS BUT COULD NOT DO ACTUAL ACT W/ ANOTHER LADY BECAUSE OF MARRIAGE. <BR> C) INFIDELITY (TO SOME DEGREE) ON HER PART AT WORK.<P>#2) WE HAVE HAD A MAJOR PROBLEM FOR LAST THREE YEARS... SHE WENT BACK TO WORK AFTER BEING A HOUSEWIFE AND MOTHER OF THREE AND HAD AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR (THAT'S THE EXTENT SHE WILL ADMIT TO BUT I FEEL AFTER CONFRONTING GUY THEY WERE MUCH MORE THAN THAT, IT WAS HER MARRIED BOSS AT A DEPT. STORE) SHE ASKED ME TO MOVE OUT FOR AWHILE TO SORT HER SELF OUT. I DID AND STILL WAS PAYING ALL BILLS, BOUGHT HER NEW CAR ETC. WHILE VISITING KIDS I OVERHEARD HER TELLING HER BEST FRIEND ON PHONE THAT SHE COULDN'T LIVE W/O "HIM" AFTER PROMISING ME FOR PAST 6 MONTHS ,(WHILE I WAS LIVING IN A HOLE TO AFFORD TO STILL PAY BILLS FOR HER) ,THERE WASN'T ANYONE ELSE. SINCE THEN I MOVED BACK IN AND WE TRIED TO MAKE IT LIVING TOGETHER AGAIN FOR A YEAR BUT I FOUND OUT THAT THE "GUY" WASN'T TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER STATE LIKE SHE HAD TOLD ME AND THEY WERE STILL "INVOLVED". SHE WOULDN'T WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP AND WAS IN A FANTASY WORLD ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE W/ ANOTHER MAN, PHYSICALLY AND LIVING W/ ETC... AFTER A YEAR I TOLD HER TO WORK ON RELATIONSHIP OR MOVE OUT ... SHE MOVED OUT. <BR> SINCE HER MOVING OUT (1 1/2 YEARS AGO), I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING EXCEPT LEAVING HER TOTALLY ALONE... WE HAVE HAD BEST SEX EVER THROUGH THIS ALL BUT IT IS EMPTY FOR ME... NO LOVE FELT FROM HER TO ME. SHE HAS BEEN CONTINUALLY TELLING ME SHE FEELS GUILTY FOR NOT GETTING BACK W/ ME AND IN THE SAME BREATH TELLS ME THAT SHE IS EVENTUALLY GOING TO FIND THE MR. RIGHT AND SO I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T WAIT AROUND FOR HER. <P>I DO LOVE MY WIFE AND ALWAYS HAVE BUT I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM DEALING W/ HER AND OTHER PEOPLE THAT WON'T CONFRONT AND DEAL W/ PROBLEMS AND EXPECT ME TO LET PROBLEMS HANG IN LIMBO FOR EVER W/O RESOLVING THEM. I HAVE BEGGED HER TO GO TO COUNSELING FOR 10 - 15 YEARS BUT SHE REFUSED SAYING THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT THEM TELLING HER SHE WAS WRONG OR WHAT TO DO. I WANT TO MAKE IT WORK BUT I AM VERY ANGRY ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED ... SO MUCH SO THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE SAYING THE **** WITH IT. WHAT CAN I DO TO TURN IT AROUND WHEN I TRY SO HARD TO GIVE HER ATTENTION AND SHE RETURNS IT BY REJECTING ME AND TELLING ME ABOUT THE EXCITING GUYS PAYING HER ATTENTION WHICH SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T EVER WANT TO DO W/O AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE I'M IN AM EMOTIONAL HELL<P>WHAT DO I DO?<BR> <BR>DOUGLAS

Douglas,<P>I'll probably annoy you with this, but I suggest that you repost your question over on the "infidelity" board. There's a lot more traffic over there, and you'll get responses.<P>Please turn off your "Caps Lock"---it's hard to read, and it's considered shouting. I've got a crying infant here, or I'd try to give you some help. <P>I sympathize with your plight. You might want to take a look at the article on the front page of this website, about Plan A and Plan B. You'll probably want to try a similar approach.

Dear Douglas<BR>Well, first, I have to stop laughing so hard, K is really funny with the large caps.<BR>It seems to me that your W has moved on and your still holding on. Won't it make sense for you to do the same? If she does not want to get back with you, and she tells you about these other men and it's been 1 1/2 years already??? Do you think you are living on hopes and dreams??? What have you learned int he past 1 1/2 from all of this? It seems to me that your anger is still there and nothing is resolved. I would suggest you go to therapy for yourself. Get rid of that anger. The anger will kill you and you'll never be able to move on. Even if you did get back together with your W, that anger would still be there and happiness will never be in your future either alone or with her.