Has anyone out there had an affair? If so did you're spouse beg you to come back? When you did come back and finally identified all of the problems in order to fix the problems, did your spouse then reject you? <BR>this is my case. I was in a relationship, young. I love my husband with all my heart gave everything. But i didn't feel the love being returned. as a result, i had an affair. my husband found out about it. we worked through identifying our needs and how we could once again meet them to resolve our hurt and pain. I cam back into the reltionship reluctantly. but the momnent i gave my heart, he treats me like he did before i had the affair and now im suicidal again. i don't think i'll have antoher affair, but i feel guilty wand wish i could change evertything. Life never goes my way sometimes.

Welcome to MB. I'm very sorry you're in this situation, but this forum is a good place to find sympathy and support. Many of us have had affairs, and I'm sure somebody has better advice for you than I can offer.<P>If the experts don't jump in here within the next day or so, you might try posting to the General Questions board.<P>

You are not a loser for having an affair! {{hug}} Guilt seems to take hold of the ones who had the affair. I think that it normal. I believe if you didn't feel some sort of guilt you wouldn't feel sorry for the affair. There are reasons why you had the affair. I'm guessing mostly because you had emotional needs not being meet. I have found in my own marriage it is much easier to point out what's wrong with the marriage then it is to fix what's wrong. My spouse doesn't mind at all pointing out what's wrong. However, when it comes to really working on our marriage it's left for me to fix all of it by my self. Marriage is a two way street. It takes two people to have one, two people to make it work, and two people to see it crash and burn. I can understand your frustration. I can relate very well to what your saying. It's impossible to fix a marriage where only one is willing to work on it. I guess you can tell my marriage is a crash and burn. It's been smoldering for 11 years. I'm sorry I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. I wish I did. I feel your pain. But please don't blame yourself for all the problems in your marriage. Like I said it takes two to have a bad marriage. You take you share for the problems and your spouse should take a share also. I wish you the best of luck!

Thanks for your understanding words. You are right when it come to two people to make a marriage work. I don't know if you are the betrayer or the betrayed but i've learned one thing about making my marriage begin to work. <BR>First the betrayed needs to understand that it took two to make a marriage spiral down. (it has helped me immensely that my (H) has taken part of the blame for our problems and that he understood that my needs wern't getting met. But because of the gravity of my actions( the affair) i need to put more effort into fixing the damage that i have caused him. I wasn't doing that. I was trying to spread the hurt and the pain evenly. As a result, he pulled away, became angry and reluctant to try anymore. It was only when I truly felt his pain and showed him that i understood and made every effort to gain his trust that he was willing to come back into our marriage. Yes i had to gravel yes i had many tears and through those tears i always had it in the back of my mind that he was to blame for my affair. But as I help him recover from his pain he becomes more understanding to mine. and He takes part of the burden on his shoulders. <BR>It has been 8 months since he found out about my affair. It has been 3 weeks since we started to work on fixing our marriage. But it has only been 3 days since we've really tried to fix things and now i think we are really getting somewhere. 3 days ago I humbled myself so much that i would do antything to get him back. I have vowed to get him through his emotional roller coaster of pain due to my affair. It's hard to do this because all the time i'm thinking of the pain he caused me in the past. When he is over his pain, he then is more understanding and calm and more receptive to my needs. Because after all, how can he be understanding to my needs if his are not being met.<BR>I suppose what i'm trying to say is, if you give and are honest enought to tell the other person your needs(in a way that would not be offending) then your own needs will be met in the end. And In the end, i feel we can only both be winners. <BR>Even if i think that i am giving and meeting my spouses needs, it's not true unless what i am giving my (H)what HE wants and not what i think he wants. I can't assume what i want to give him will meet his needs, he has to tell me and then I do it. <BR>Maybe this is something you should try. Take a moment for a heart to heart with your spouse. Meet her needs unselfishly all the while letting her know your own. If she is not half bad, she will see your efforts and try to do the same for you.<P>