I realized this morning that one of our major lb's occurs first thing in the morning and sets the mood for me the rest of the day.

My husband has a sleeping disorder and it is very hard to get him to wake up in the morning (he can not wake up on his own). He has to get up to go to work, to have a healthy meal before work to get his shower and spend time with the kids. But I find myself getting angry everytime I try to wake him up. The only way I can get him moving it seems is if I have an angry outburst. I tried gently waking him up and he does for a second but quickly goes back to sleep.

Does anyone have any suggestions that could keep us from agruing first thing in the morning.

-hereforus

<small>[ October 11, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: hereforus ]</small>

All I have to say to you is grow up. Read some of the other posts here and then reflect. Most of the posts here are about true issues. Lucky you that this one little issue seems to upset your whole day. Try living with a cheating spouse or the reality of divorce etc..

In a nutshell - "Grow Up".

That response was a bit harsh.

Understanding that this "trivial" thing may actually be a prelude to something major, I would say do whatever it takes to get it resolved. I know I snore to beat all, but my wife has learned through time to deal with it. I do sleep with my head turned opposite to her so that she can't hear it, but it is called compromise - I sleep facing the other way and she deals with my snoring. Not a bad deal!

Sorry if what I said seems harsh - but it is a small issue all she has to do is just get him up -not a big thing - no need for an argument just realize what has to be done and then get passed it move on for the rest of the day. My one daughter was like this when she was in her early teens I went through it every day for about four years. It didn't wreck my day I moved on. Small issue there are more important things to deal with than this!

I am sure there are a lot of people in this forum that wish this is ALL they had to deal with including myself!!!!!!

Hey, Red!

You are understandably upset and bitter about the situation in your own life. But that does not in any way give you the right to criticize someone else for what is difficult for them.

If you don't have anything helpful to say, then stay off this lady's thread. You are totally out of line.

Hereforus,

The not waking up issue was one for me and my H. for a while. One conclusion I came to was that it wasn't worth it for me to be upset and to be carrying the burden of waking him up.

So we (I) came up with a deal. In our case, it was that he was trying to get up earlier than me, but never woke up to hear his alarm. So I told him that I would turn his alarm to snooze ONE time. If he didn't wake up to turn it off the 2nd time, I was turning it OFF.

This left him with the responsibility for waking himself up.

In your case, your H. has a condition. Okay. Let him figure out waht needs to happen so he can wake up. It isn't your job.

Read Boundaries in Marriage, adn GOOD LUCK!

Hi,

I hope I can help. This was an issue in our marriage for a long time too. My husband is an extremely deep sleeper as is one of my sons. My M-I-L would say, "oh that's just how they are...his Dad was always late for work too."

For a long time I felt it was my responsibility to HELP. I didn't want him to lose his job or get reprimanded at work. So I would begin the day first gently trying to wake him, then eventually get totally ticked and throwing shoes at him or spraying him with a water bottle, yelling, anything to wake him.

This of course is unacceptable behavior.It set an awful tone for the day. I felt that he didn't much appreciate me for getting him up whether it was a gentle wake up call or not. I gre to resent this job.

Finally I knew this wasn't my job. He was a grown man. I let him know that I wasn't going to be waking him anymore due to the stress it caused everyone.

He overslept quite a few times, yelled at me for not waking him, but I reminded him of his own responsibility.

What a relief to finally get up without having to deal with that. He has learned to get up on time and I have learned that it isn't my job. I will occassionally give him a nugde, but it works out much better.


What kind of disorder does he actually have???? Maybe he should consult a physician or two...

Wow I thought this thread was dead and haven't checked it.

Red3069 I'm really sorry about what your going through and I sincerely hope things work out in your favor. But, if you would have read my other thread under emotional needs you would know that my marriage is having real problems, in fact my husband almost moved out Sunday at my urging. I hope that you would not expect someone to run away from this board because the problems in their marriage do not seem as horrible as yours. You can't tell what all is going on in someones marriage from one post. I contemplated if I should I even respond to you because you are obviously having a bad day.

Telly and SheWill : My husband has narcolepsy and can not wake up on his own. The only thing that can get him up once he is asleep is to go to the bathroom. One method that I've tried that is not working is to have my toddler try to wake him up. My toddler can wake him up easier but he is not as nice about it as I would be. I know I should let him take resposibility for this but I'm afraid that he will just sleep through his whole day and eventually get fired. I'm a SAHM so his job is our only source of income.

What I was hoping from this thread is to find someone that has had success gently waking someone up with a sleeping disorder and find out what they did. This conflict regardless of how trivial it may seem does set the mood for the whole day. He's angry at me for waking him up and I'm angry because I had to yell at him to get the job done. It starts out as "honey it's time to get up" and ends with "get your but out of bed!" Which I know is a love buster and I want to correct this if can be. I've run out of ideas.

Thank you for your posts,
-hereforus

Okay girls - just to show that I have a heart and remember in one of my responses I said my teenager a few years back had a big problem getting up, this is what I did. I turned on her stero - full blast - her music so it would not prove too annoying and then I started to tickle her. Guess what it worked and basically we both started the day with laughter not anger. Try that if that doesn't work I would strongly suggest that there could be something medically wrong which needs to be checked out. Notice I said medically wrong!!!!!

Hereforus...Have you tried something alittle more...uh...sexy or sensual for both of you to start your day? Okay, please dont take offense but what if...just what if you were to slide your hands under the covers and stroke him around his stick and berries...Alot of men wake up with that morning piece of wood ready! So maybe get him aroused in order to arise. Pleasure him for a little while (or finish what you start that works well too)...tell him that you'll finish what you've started after he gets home from work!! Then enjoy each other each eve <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Just another perspective, but then again its all I think about as Im entering my prime.
ruby

Red3069 My husband has Narcolepsy, he was diagnosed over a year ago but has had it for years, maybe since he was born he's not sure. It is a sleeping disorder where the urge to sleep is extremely irresistable. He can sleep through almost anything. He's on Provigil to help control his urge to sleep.

Ruby It's so funny that you should give me this advice. Because I actually did it this morning before reading your post. After trying to wake my H for over a half hour. I put Blues Clues on in the living room to distract my son. And it worked like a charm. It's funny you should also mention about entering your prime. I too am in the same situation. My Poor H only needs it 2 times a week, I told him I would like it 3-5 times a week but it seems like the more we do it the more I want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-hereforus

well what a coinkydink!!! Good on ya...and good on him. Have fun with that and milk it for all its worth!
ruby