Our 1yr. anniversary is in 3wks. My husband told me last night that he didn't know what he wants in his future(including me). He resents me for changes he has made the last year,(he has gone from playing ball 4 nights a week to 2, and other sporting problems, he continues talking about buying another vehicle knowing we don't have the funds to do so, then in turn talks about wanting a bigger house, but won't take any measures to save money), he still acts as if he is a bachelor and doesn't relize he is married 99% for the time. He keeps telling me that I knew how he was before we married, but he isn't prepared to make any changes to make our marriage better. He still acts like a teenager and doesn't want to grow up. What can I do help him understand that its time to grow up and be an adult and to handle conflict like and adult, instead of throwing a fit?

Hi Trock,
<p>I can see your frustration about your husband's habits/activities, but don't know whether "maturity" is really the right word for the change he needs to make. (Yes, I would say he needs to make a few changes.) I say this because even though I like to think I'm reasonably responsible, I don't consider myself "an adult" or even "grown up".
<p> You don't mention if you and he communicate well or not. Will he sit down and discuss these concerns with you? (Have you asked him to in a serious, but non-threatening way?) The isue about buying the new vehicle should be simple enough to put into black and white - "we have X dollars available and the vehicle would cost X time 3". Not that this alone would bring about agreement, but at least it would be on the table.
<p>I have activities that I value that my wife has no particular interest in, but I try to do them when she is busy with something else. (I'd rather spend our free time together, rather than have her sitting at home while I'm out goofing around.) We try to schedule evenings or weekend days in advance so that the other partner can arrange an activity with our friends, or whatever.
<p> The real reason I responded was because I wanted to say that what I think you're looking for is more responsibility from your husband, not to make him "grow up", I think there's too many people out there who have ceased to be fun because they've grown too far up.
<p>I added this after doing some more reading:
<br>I was curious if, before you were married, you "supported" or even "encouraged" his sporting activities? If so, he may have thought that that's what you liked about him (among other things). In Dr. Harley's book, "His Needs, Her Needs", he talks about this percieved "change" by one partner from their courting bahaviour to their married behaviour. Another example would be if he took you to concerts and operas while dating, but not now. Do you think this is a factor?
<p>Val<p>[This message has been edited by V.]