How can we negotiate when my husband can not give up anything. He has kids. I have to "help" with his kids whether I want to or not. When it comes to him doing for me, he only does things that I do not want. He will cook for me, but I am not hungry. Or he will clean my room and I do not care if it is clean or not. The things that I want, time and money from him would be taking from his kids. (He is in school and does not have much of either.) I know that he does all that he can. But I am not happy because I am not getting what I want. I want him to give me what I want. I give so much more than him. I am feeling like this is unfair, but there is not much that he can give up that would make me happy. Can there be a compromise here?

When you married him, what were your expectations? Did you and he discuss his commitments to his kids? What changed that makes you less happy than you expected to be?<P>What about his school--how much longer is that?

When I maried him, I expected him to take care of me and be sure that my needs were met. Before we married my family did just that. Now it is his responsibility and he wants me to lower my standards and I am not going to do that. For example I would have to live in substandard housing in order to live somewhere that he can afford.<P>Before we married he told me that all he wanted is for me to be a role model for his kids. He said that his kids and I would not have to interact. He said this in response to my lack of interest in his kids that I had expressed to him before we married. Now he is saying that he he thought that I would change because I love everybody else's kids. But his kids are not everybody else's. And I do not treat them as if they are. Being a role model means just being myself, not much involvement. <P>Before he would try to do as much as he could to help me. Now he treis but my expectations are different now that we are married. I expect him to give me his all and I give him my all. I am giving him my all, but he gives me what he has left after his kids. This is not fair to me. His kids do not live with us.<P>He has until September with school. I will have at least two years with school. But I make 3X more money than him. I am very dissatisfied.

Your expectations are different now that you are married? I think that is a very common source of stress in a marriage...that one person goes into it thinking "OK, this isn't perfect, but it will be better once we are married." It doesn't happen. If anything the things that caused small ripples b4 marriage cause major waves afterwards.<P>He will always have major commitments to his kids. Yes, he/you should be able to negotiate and carve out time for you and his kids...right now that is very hard because of his school. But even when that stress ends, he will always have major commitments to his kids...and that DOES cause stress. If that is not something you can live with, maybe it is time to let go.<P>