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#62252 04/08/02 12:58 AM
Joined: Apr 2002
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Hello, I need some really good advice from a sound mind. I am 34 and married, happily married. I rencetly contacted an old friend. He was my first love. Throughout the years I have wondered what ever became of him, well last year I finally had the nerve to contact him, to my surprise I find out I still have feelings for him. He has responded that he is curious to see me, and I am afraid, that I will lose myself again. You see I was 18 when I met him, he made such a dramatic impression on me, it was beyond physical, though I never had that encounter. Is there such a thing as letting go, or do I see past this friendship, or is this a hindering tool to my successful marriage, I am open to any suggestions. Ora

#62253 04/07/02 06:41 PM
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If you wish to damage your marriage then continue
to do what you are doing. The fact that you sought out your old friend who had made such an impact on you tells me you marriage is not as happy as you claim.<p>Imagine how you would feel if your husband told you that he searched and found an old female friend he knew when he was 18 and that she is curious to meet him. He then tells you that this old friend made such a dramatic impression on him
that it went beyond physical even though they were
never physical. Your husband then tells you that he still has feelings for this girl and he is afraid that he will lose himself again over her.<p>I would have to ask you what your response would
be to your husband if he told you these things.
Have you told your husband your feelings or are you also hiding this from your husband.<p>I will repeat that you are disrespecting your husband by continuing this interaction without his knowledge. Clearly you have great feelings for this other person. If you wish to poison your marriage and alter your life then continue on your path. Again would you want your husband to do to you what you are doing? I wish you luck.

#62254 04/07/02 10:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
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I think you are looking for something that does not exist. That relationship is over and neither you nor he are the same people. I would not meet him unless your husband goes along and is completely in agreement about seeing an old friend. I think you are romaticizing the old flame---keep in mind-just as you have changed, so has he. It is true that 'you can never go home again'.<p>I suggest doing the Emotional Needs quiz on this site---perhaps it will help you define what you think you are missing in your marriage and give you a place to start rebuilding.<p>Bryan is right, you are playing with gasoline and matches here and it's probable that you will be badly burned.

#62255 04/10/02 10:13 PM
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I would suggest spending a day or so looking over the posts at "in recovery" or "general questions II" In those, you will find the pain of emotional and physical affairs and all of the havoc they wreak on marriages. It's tempting to get back in touch with people we used to connect with. I think though that it's too risky. If you are happily married, concentrate your attention there. Do some reading, find a mutual hobby, pray together, whatever. Just don't put this energy into another relationship.<p>My H's affair was with my former best friend. And it started with 'talking.' Believe me, the past 6 years have been pure **** because of it. Just not worth it. If this other man may meet one of your emotional needs, let your Husband know so he can beat him to it. good luck

#62256 04/15/02 12:49 AM
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Ditto the other posts, you stay away from the past before the future turns apocoliptic!!!!!!!
Please for goodnesssakes order "Love Busters" and "His Needs Her Needs" and read them before doing ANYTHING with this dude. Then after your H has read them also you will tell him of this as part of Dr Harleys plan that will prevent any further boo boos. By the way if you look up old flames out of idle curiosity, preytell what do you do for fun? Fist velocoraptors???? Good grief Charlie Brown you are killing me!
May God be with both of you both, and maybe a few guardian angels to boot.


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