Hello im new to this so let me tell you my problem.My wife and i have been together for 7 yrs married for 4. Things had started to go wrong about 2 yrs ago. We would argue about problems i was doing. It would get better for 2 weeks and then go back to normal. I would verbally abuse her and it was all about me. We would always do what i wanted and never what she wanted to do. We played alot of games against one and other and we never talk much. Finally we had it out and it started to open my eyes alot but for 3 weeks i was doing to work and she was giving me the cold shoulder. She said that she saw alot of improvement but she didnt really feel like trying any more. So we decided to seperate. I moved in with my parents and could not leave her alone for one day. I came home and told her i needed her and my house but she did not want to be with me or talk to me. She packed up her stuff and left. Its been only 3 weeks now but i want to start working on things. I have felt like the scum of the earth and know alot of the things i want to start doing but she still wants nothing to do with me. She told me that we would talk in 2 weeks and still have a week to go but i dont what this to end. I hear from some poeple that she doesnt want a divorce but she makes hints that she does and i dont know how to take that. I still love her and want to be with her i dont know if she does.I want to start conseling but i dont know if she wants to or not. Every time i do something or say it seem that i am making her mad and she think its a game but i dont know how to show her thats its not. She has giving me alot of chances and so have i and all i want is one more cause i know what i was doing wrong and what to prove it to her and i. This pass month all ive been doing is laying around and crying. I cant eat or sleep. I just want advise from all types of poeple of what to do or how to do things. the way i look at it is every day i dont see papers means to me that there still might be hope. She told me that she DOES NOT KNOW if she could fall back in love with me and i just want one shot at it. I dont talk to friends because they are her friends as well. So i am all alone with nobody to really talk to or that has been here before. What do i do or what should i do to start takeing steps to work on my life and marriage.

Ace, welcome to MB. You've come to the right place for help! Be encouraged.

You have taken the first steps--you are looking at yourself honestly and examining how you might improve. You are recognizing the depth of your love for your wife and how unhealthy your relationship has been in the past.

Now, it's time for two things. A--some self-care. Get out and walk or swim or something--anything to get you off the couch crying. It's good to grieve but don't let it overtake you or become self-pity--that will not attract your wife to return to you.

And b--ask your wife if she would consider going to counselling with you. (I hope that's a possibility for you--sometimes money is a problem.)

It sounds as though there has not been any unfaithfulness as far as affairs--did I read that right? That is a major bonus but the verbal abuse must end. That won't likely happen without professional help.

Don't give up--perhaps you can look at this as an opportunity to start over and build a better M(arriage) than you've had thus far. I hope your W will give you a chance.

I'm sure others will be along to welcome you and give their words of encouragement and share their thoughts with you soon.

Thank you for advise but there has been an affair . i didnt put that in because i thought that didnt matter to this promblem. but she did cheat on me 3 yrs ago. she said she did it cause she was informed that i probably did. But i have been faithfull to her and i stayed with her because everyone makes booboo's. but in a way i wish i had because i would always bring it up in a fight so i could win. i dont know if that would have worked or not knowing that we both messed up and that would that. she still feels that i have but i told her i would take i lie dectetor test to prove it. sometimes i think i should just say i did so that would not be a issue anymore in our life.

Ace, I'm so sorry to hear that there is even more pain in your story.

Please don't ever wish you had been unfaithful. I was--and it's the stupidest thing I ever did--a thing I can never undo--but at least it's in the past and lots of lessons learned, etc.

You are the bigger person because you forgave her. I am so sorry it seems like history is repeating itself. My hunch is she is blaming you for an A because of her current behaviour.

Will she go for counselling? If not, could you go on your own for now until she is ready?

So sorry for this sorrow being yours.