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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 4
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mybush6 Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 4
My husband and I have been together for 10 years now and married for 6. He left at the beginng of last month, saying that he was no longer happy in our marriage. I questioned him and he told me that there was no one else and that he still loved me. He also told me that he knows without a doubt that I love him. He's just not happy.

We have had some problems with my family and I think that has a lot to do with his leaving. Also, in the past year I've taken several trips with some of my girlfriends. He has know told me that it really bothered him that I had went. Since the first trip last June, we really started having more problems.

Slowly, we both started shutting down. He has told me that if he had to make a decision right now he would file for a divorce. I have asked him to give us some time to see if we can work things out and he has agreed.

I want to make him happy again. He feels that he's giving me more than enough chances and just doesn't know if things will ever change. I've prayed everyday since he has left for God to bring him back home. I love him and want our marriage to work out.

Is there any advice that you can give me to help bring him home? My best friend keeps telling me to give up and move on. But I believe that as long as there is love there is hope. I want to put our marriage on the right track. Please help if you can. I just need to know what I can do to turn his heart around and have him come home.

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 401
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 401
Mybush,

I'm sorry to hear about your turmoil. There are many posters in Emotional needs who may be able to give you some advice in this area. A few questions, however, while you consider posting your question there:

Has your husband considered/agreed to MC (marriage counseling)?

Are there any children involved?

Are either of you in individual counseling?

Meanwhile, hang in there.

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 482
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 482
Dear Mrs. Bush,

It sounds like you took the trips with your girlfriends without his enthusiastic endoresment. So was this a violation of POJA?

What other violations of POJA are there?

Have you asked for forgiveness, and proposed a plan for avoiding future POJA events? What about arranging in advance what extras you are going to provide, to obtain your husband's enthusiastic support?

Have you read the 10 areas of marriage that MB recommends taking 3 or 4 areas and doing well? What areas have you been focusing on? Are these the areas most important to your husband? Have you asked your husband for his wish list? Are there items on your wish list that you feel he has unfairly denied? Have you cleared out those feelings? What items are on your husband's wish list that he has not shared with you, and how can you create a safe, listening atmosphere so he will let you know, what he has not yet told you? I have posted a recommendation for listening under Pan A /Plan B., Hopeful98 28063, TIME FOR PLAN B, 8-3-03.

What opportunites do you now have to make deposits in his love bank, that will give you credit?

Have you tried to sit down for lunch or coffee, and discuss what changes he wants, and what you are willing to change?

You mention that your family was a problem, but you do not detail the changes you are willing to make to solve the problems. Have you detailed to your husband what changes in the way you will handle your family differently in the future? Have you gotten your famiy on board with the changes?

Best wishes

Quiper,
Married 28 years, and still struggling

<small>[ August 07, 2003, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>


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