Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
S
SheWill Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
My H and I have had informal POJA's . Occassionally written. I think we definitely need to move to written for those "forgetful" moments.

I'm feeling frustrated and sad because I "thought" we had POJA'd about his computer use after hours. I like to go to bed a bit earlier than him, but am very uncomfortable with him being on the internet while I am asleep due to his past .

Last night he came home from work at 1:45 a.m. He came in and said Hello. I started to talk to him a little about his night since it is a new job. He gave me a hug and was on his way out.I asked him if he was going to take a shower or just change. He said he wasn't ready for bed. I said well just sit here and talk to me then. Or we can watch TV.

I ended up falling asleep. He was on the computer. I came out and mentioned our agreement. He wouildn't come to bed. I went back to our room pissed and then came back out at around 3 a.m. and finally he says.

"Are you ready for bed?"

I was going to do my old behavior and sleep on the couch but I came to bed.

This a.m. he stills says this is my problem, he's not coming to bed if he's not tired...

I'm at a loss.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
She,

What agreement did you previously come to?

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
S
SheWill Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
That he would stay off of the internet while I was in bed. This is when he used to talk to others and look at porn the most.. I also agreed to stay up later than I used to and spend time with him.

Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
She,

Is it possible he has an addiction to porn? And so can't keep that agreement?

If you think he can....regroup and renegotiate this. Somethings take a while to "stick". Help him come up with some alternative activities besides computer time for those nights he's not ready to go to sleep. He shouldn't have to sleep just cause you do....but that doesn't mean he can look at porn because he can't. I did put some agreements in writing . Is he now saying that he never agreed? or just that he doesn't want to?

Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
S
SheWill Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 292
I think at one time he WAS addicted to Porn, In my opinion he is still addicted to the computer regardless of the subject matter. I have offered many suggestions of what would be agreeable times of use. No follow through on his part for years. I like him to stay off after dinner to participate with family things...and then he could use it from let's say 8-11 pm, he agrees with some resistance and then will not follow through.

It's not like I can ground him like I do the kids!! LOL


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5