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#63878 07/04/01 11:12 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 7
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hi..i'm broken hearted =*( Went through a bad breakup with my live-in boyfriend. We've lived together for about 8 months and known eachother for 2 years. I don't know what happened. He just started to change. He stopped spending quality time with me. He's a health freak..so he eats healthy and worksout almost everyday. If I put a piece of chocolate in my mouth he would shake his head. He used to tell me I was so beautiful but once we lived together he made me feel so ugly. He constantly criticized my hairstyle, clothes, what food I ate, etc etc. I love to bake, and I love chocolate too. One time I had bought a cake baking set so I could bake a cake and surprise him with it. Instead of him coming home to a smile that I had baked a cake, he gets upset as to why I would make such junk. He really hurt my feelings. There was this diary I would write in whenever things went bad between us and one day he read it, which was fine by me because finally he got to read what I've been going through and feeling, but when I ask him about what he thought about my feelings in the diary, he says "It's all not true." Also he would go out with his friends till the wee hours and he wouldn't give me a call or nothing while I'm at home worried sick to the point where I need to take sleeping pills to help me sleep. And when he finally does come home, he acts as if nothing's happened and gets upset because I'm upset. I had no friends and had no family where we lived but he did. But instead of him spending time with me, he would rather spend it with them...and would tell me "I'm sorry that you don't have friends but I do." I can also tell that he is very much influenced by his mother's thinking because he is so very materialistic. One day his mother came up to me and gave me this lecture saying "a woman must look beautiful for her man because if she doesn't, he will look at other women." Now what is your oppinion about that? I'm a very simple girl...I'm very casual and not at all high maintenance as they would call it. He is very much into brand name clothing and material things while I'm into the small things in life. One day we were out at the movie theatres and he commented on this couple in front of us, he said "look at that girl, she is dressed all bummy while her man is dressed up nice." I couldn't believe what he said. He broke it off with me a couple of months ago because he said he couldn't take it anymore. I don't know what he's talking about and would like some advice. I am so very broken hearted because I loved this man so much. I thought he was the one. But I don't know what happened. I don't know what I did wrong. Please give me some advice or suggestions. thankyou. <BR>

#63879 07/05/01 06:57 AM
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Now aren't you glad that you found this out before you were married? I still don't see why some people think that living together is such a bad thing! At least you find out what the other person is really like. Apparently that is what happened to you and your live in bf. Don't think of this as a bad thing (easy to say, right) think of it as a learning experience. You will find someone that is more like you and not so into himself. Chin up!

#63880 07/08/01 10:43 PM
Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 104
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Hang in there!<BR>I agree with Giggles here...you found out what life would REALLY be like with him. Be broken hearted...that is okay. <P>Take a look at the feelings here....you seem to be saying you used to feel better about yourself before you lived together. For whatever reason he didn't treat you with such criticism before living together (or you didn't notice). Now you've gotten a taste of the true him...and if it is mostly criticism, then of course you will start to THINK this is your fault and that YOU'VE done something wrong. Criticism wears people down and makes them think less of themselves all together.<P>Usually the critical one is trying to change the other by making remarks about eating, looks, dress, etc. <BR>Now that you are exposed to what he values, to his judgements...you should ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship that wears you down so much. Someone that loves you might be critical because they think they are helping you, but what they do not realize is their criticisms hurt. If they knew the magnitude of the hurt, they would not do it. His non-acknowledgement of your feelings says a lot. There is no listening on his part. Just because you do not like what another is feeling doesn't mean those feelings don't exist and can't be heard.<P>You're likely a good strong person with different values and morals than he. Don't let him confuse you about your goodness. His perspective is not necessarily the right one just because you are in a relationship together. In my opinion, his judgements are a reflection of his values and priorities, and breaking up is for your own good. Feeling good about yourself comes from within you. Be careful to rely on someone else to fill that feeling for you. <BR>My advice is spend time telling yourself what you like about you and what you have to offer someone who is willing to receive it. That person will come along and you will know it once you get to know him.<P>...and by the way...I love chocolate too...and my husband loves it when I bake for him.


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