I have been married for 4.5 years (together 7.5). For the past 3 years I have been severly depressed and severly neglected my wife. I was withdrawn, didnt show love, and at times was very snappy. Various medications didnt work and I worsened. April 30th my wife wanted to separate and I had to hospitalize myself. This was the best decision ever...I found the perfect medication and I found to modify my thoughts via cognitive therapy. I feel better than I have in years. My wife is very angry and resentful and I cant make her understand that I did not mean to act how I did. She belives, with the assitance of her parents, that it would be best to not be with a depressed person. Before our depression we had a wonderful relationship that was filled with love. Now that I am out of my depression (still improving day by day), I am filled with all the love I ever had. However, I cannot seem to reach her. I wish I could somehow explain to her what she means to me and what our marriage means to me. I have read the good docs areas on states of marriage, love busters, how to survive a depressed spouse, and how to handle conflict and reabuild marriage...I liked them so much that I copied them and sent them to my wife. I even bought the doc's book and sent that to my wife. But, I still cannot seem to break through.....
<BR>I love her very much. She loves me too. How can I convince her that divorce is not the best thing. What can I do now? Any ideas?
<BR>email me if you like. dlsmith@arkansas.net or my wife *************
<p>thanks.
<BR> <BR>[Note: This message was edited by Steve Harley]

ds,
<br>I am living with a spouse who has depression. For four years I have lived with his moodiness and all else that goes along with it. I was to the point of leaving when he finally got help and has been better for about a month. My feelings of resentment are still there. Just because he is better now I can't help but think that things will go bad again. My thoughts on this are that it took four years for our marriage to get to this point and it will and should take some time to correct. Give her some time. Time to see that you are indeed better. Don't try and force her to see it though, the more desparte you seem the less likely she is to think that you are better. I wish you luck.
<p>Steph

What does one do when depression is sucking the life out of the other spouse? When the depressed individual has receeded into some sort of fantasy world where only moving to the islands, or winning the lottery will solve all life's problems? My husband is in such a state, and I'm lost as to how to help or what to do. He's unhappy with our home, even though it's beautiful, he's unhappy with his job, yet won't take much action to correct things or find a new one. We were married under the stated idea that we'd have children, but now he's not sure and won't committ one way or another. He's generally a very good husband and when he's happy he's wonderful to be with. He does not abuse me physically or verbally, but frequently I'm stuck in very tense silence.. it's killing me and I'm very concerned about spending the rest of my life mentally battling someone who will never find happiness or contentment with the now.

TooBlue,
<br>Please see that your husband gets the correct help. Talk to friends and family about a group letter or talk....all of you should let your husband know how much you care about him and love him...tell him you are worried about him and you all believe he needs to seek help. Have an appointment made for him to see a psychiatrist. Attend the visit with him and let him know that you love him and do not think any less of him because he is depressed. Remeber, he may not like what you do now, but I believe that once he is better he will appreciate it. I know that I would have if my wife had done something like that rather than letting me suffer for three years.
<br>take care
<br>Dion.

TooBlue,
<br>Please see that your husband gets the correct help. Talk to friends and family about a group letter or talk....all of you should let your husband know how much you care about him and love him...tell him you are worried about him and you all believe he needs to seek help. Have an appointment made for him to see a psychiatrist. Attend the visit with him and let him know that you love him and do not think any less of him because he is depressed. Remeber, he may not like what you do now, but I believe that once he is better he will appreciate it. I know that I would have if my wife had done something like that rather than letting me suffer for three years.
<br>take care
<br>Dion.