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#65000 07/08/98 10:44 AM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 2
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Posts: 2
My wife left me 5 weeks ago. She said she needed time to get herself together and wasn't happy. We have been married for almost 12 yrs, and I thought it was going fine, until she sit me down and said she was unhappy. She said I never showed her enough affection. During the first week of our separation, I feel apart and couldn't stand the thought of losing her. She has stated a couple of times that she didn't want me to consider this the end. So I'm hoping we can get back together. I love her more than life it self, and have been trying to deposit love units, but she isn't very receptive. The first couple of weeks, I saw her three times a week, but I would want to talk about getting back together and working on things and she kept saying she wasn't ready. She also said she felt drained every time I talked about this and went home depressed again. This past week, I've been leaving her alone for the most part besides some email and phone calls. I've been sending flowers, cards, and love poems through email, but nothing has happened yet. Should I continue to leave her alone or try and talk to her again?? I am madly in love with her and realize I've hurt her by not meeting her most important emotional needs, but I'm more than willing to try and show her as much affection as I possibly can if I only get a chance too. Please help me pick the best road to getting my wife back.

#65001 07/09/98 12:49 AM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 2
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I am experiencing the same thing as you. My wife asked for a seperation because I was suffocating her with to much love and that I went overboard proving and showing my love for her. Every time I would see her and ask her how she felt about our marriage she would completely turn me off. Stating if I couldnt wait for her to get things straight in her mind she would actually file for divorce. My best answer for this is to bite your tongue, stop sending flowers and notes. She knows that you love her but has to make up her mind. Once she sees that you can stop and live your life she will come around. Hope this helps

#65002 07/16/98 07:23 AM
Joined: Dec 1969
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What you are going through is hauntingly similar (same years married, recent stresses etc.. see my posting in the "negotiating in marriage" section) to what I have been dealing with.... except it has been going on for over 5 MONTHs with me now. I've tried every one of the avenues you have mentioned with absolutely no positive result. The harder I tried the worse things just seem to get. She seems to be doing everything possible to bury our past together and has given me not even a shred of hope to hold onto except a vague "I'm still thinking about it." I wish I knew the right answer... right now I'm finally trying to give her all the distance I can... not even contacting her when she asks me too. I told her that I'm trying to show my respect and love for her by giving her time and distance to think. In the mean time, as incredibly hard as it is, I'm tryng to rebuild myself so that there is something attractive for her to come back to. I don't know whether this will work or not... but I do know that nothing else I tried has. She certainly knows by now how much I love her and I can't think of anything else I can say or do that I haven't already. Perhaps you could SUGGEST that she visit this website? I wish you the best... I know exactly how badly it hurts and how numbing it all can be. It seems incredible to me that someone who supposedly loves you knowingly inflict so much pain! Give her space... stick it out and let us know what happens.

#65003 07/21/98 12:16 AM
Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 26
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It seems to be all the rage now for people, especially women, to want to change or leave relationships. I know many people who have had this happen in the last year. My own situation has been going on since last summer and it has gone from devastating to OK to sorry to good and now I'm back to devastating. My topic is in the infidelity section.
<br>In regards to the rest of your situations, there is a suggestion in this site to cut off all contact and thus feel the reality of her choice. You should remember that a man who seems desperate doesn't help a woman want him. I am still coming to grips with this. I had it beat when she wasn't seeing "him", but now that he's back and I have to share her, I am back on Zoloft and trying to beat it again.
<br>I am certain of what I want and I keep telling myself that since she doesn't know what she ultimately wants yet, she will see what changes I can continue to make to fill her needs, and that will make me much more desirable in the long run. The tough part for me is dealing with a competitor who can offer her the excitement of new love. I am still scared to death that she will leave for good, but I think that when she is cut off almost completely from what emotional needs I was fulfilling, she will value them more (hopefully).


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