My wife and I after almost 16 years of marriage have seperated. Reason for the seperation was that my wife wanted some space and breathing room to figure out what she wants in her life. There has been to much stress in her life and stated that I was suffocating her with to much love. Also that I was too possesive with my love towards her and with that on top of a recent bankruptcy filing and numerous medical bills due to my back injury was too much for her. She has the 3 children with her (ages 14, 13 and 11). My feelings have been hurt before but this took me by suprise and really has torn my heart in two. She states she still loves me and this is not a divorce. To me it feels like it and would like to see my wife open up to me. Question is How do I get her to open up to me? How do I deal with this? I have an appointment to see a marriage counselor and she has agreed to see the counselor too. I would like to be with my wife and kids again. How do I go about proving to her that I can give her the space she needs and how do I go about letting her know that I would like to discuss our marriage in a neutral place without upsetting her feelings or making her feel guilty? I have been apart from her as of today 53 days but it feels like a lifetime to me. What to do?
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This may seem like a harsh reply, but hang in there! I am in asimilar situation, but I can give you some feedback simply as a woman.
<br>I was suffocating for many years, willing to move out and unable to. I DO love him -- and did, and new I did love him. Well, he was taking my desire defensively, and I never did it -- somehow, we were lasting. I did it another way around -- was pulled into an affair -- still loving him, but desperately willing to leave the cage, knowing I would return there -- but in need for a "vacation". What I got later -- his affair, and being now thousands miles away from him. With the full and grown-up understanding that he is the only man I loved and love, that I need and want him back most of all on Earth -- and knowing I don't want to live under the same roof. As far as the same roof is concerned, he has the same wish -- if I could only knew the rest...
<br>Let her be where she needs to. It's not malignant. If you trust her, you should understand her and her need and right for space. If you don't trust her -- well, then there is nothing to talk about. But don't try to take a revenge -- then the circle closes, and it's such a mess... Please, understand what she is trying to tell you.And this is NOT a female-female solidarity: I did not tell you my husband's poin of view: I went through him regaining his freedom to a full extent. And I respect and recognize it.