My husband and I both had alcohol problems in the 1980's. I still drink upon occasion, like if we go out to dinner, but I havent been 'drunk' or had more than 2 drinks in...wow I cant even remember how long. I no longer consider myself as having a problem. My husband, on the other had is out of control with his drinking again. In the first4 years we were together, I never saw him drink more than two beers at a time, and he only did that maybe twice a year, but lately things have gotten out of control.
<br>It started with a beer or two after work, and progressed rapidly after that. He now drinks 12-15 every night. It is affecting our marriage, and it scares me. All he wants to do is fight when he drinks. Every little thing I say to him sends him into a rage. He has never hit me or been physically abusive, but the mental and emotional abuse are just as bad as being hit would be...possibly worse...these scars may never completely go away. Tonight he was drinking again and I asked him a question, he blew up and I walked away...I just dont have it in me to fight anymore. He has threatened to leave me dozens of times, but in the end he always stays. Tonight was no exception, he started to leave...and instead of begging him to stay, as I have done in the past, I told him that if he left this time NOT to come back. And that I was tired of his drinking. He tried to turn it around on me...saying things like "Well all you ever want to do is fight" I told him that it was his life...to do with it as he pleased...but I was tired of the struggle..tired of wondering if he was going to leave...or if he was going to come home after work. He stopped and thought...and went to the fridge and dumped all the beer down the sink. We talked and he asked me for a week to see if he could recover on his own. (He has been drinking steadily for 6-8 weeks now). I agreed. Was that wrong? Should I ask him to go to a recovery program? He would never go to AA...he thinks he can handle everything on his own...however...I have told him about this forum and he agreed to check it out sometime since no one here knows our real names. Some may ask why I would want to stay married to an alcoholic..well, I love him with all my heart. I have known him as a sober person, and when he is sober he is the most wonderful man in the world. He is sweet and kind, thoughtful, strong, my knight in shining armor. I know that he can get through this...no...WE can get through this together. But we do need additional help. Thanks for taking the time to read this...any advice or insight would be appreciated.

Jourdyn,
<br>My heart goes out to you. I think if he has been able to stop on his own before you are safe in giving him a chance but I would make sure that you set forth certain criteria for him stopping. It is apparent that even a little drinking leads to more and would probably be better for him to not have any. I mean to not have any in the house. I think also that you need to make it clear to him what you expect and don't make any threats you aren't willing to follow up on. If you plan on leaving him if he doesn't stop then let him know in certain terms and if he doesn't stop then you will back up your words with actions. I do believe that people can get better but he is going to need alot of help and support from you if he is not going to get it elswhere. Are you strong enough to be there for him? Good Luck!
<br>Steph

Steph,
<p>Thank you so much for your reply. I know that we should not have any alcohol in the house. I have even told our closest friends what is going on and that we will not be able to go out with them, and that when we have our famous BBQ's that there will be no alcohol allowed here. They are all very supportive. In answer to your question, YES!
<br>I am strong enough to help him through this. We have had an incredibly 'trying' marriage. We lost a baby almost a year ago, his father is terminally ill, his brother is also ill. He has seen me through my bout with depression, and we have remained strong throughout it all. I know that the weeks and months ahead of us will be equally trying, if not moreso. But I am a strong person, with a strong faith, and I know that we can make it through anything TOGETHER!
<br>Thanks again for your reply, it makes my heart smile to know that there are people out there who are so willing to help strangers. God Bless You.