711,<BR> Sorry,didn't mean to take over your post!It just kind of took off on it's own.<BR> Actually,Mitzi and I were shooting for 100 replies.This ought to do it.I'll shut up now!<BR> --Murph

711, <P>I figure we can keep going just a little longer to make up for the Murph/Mitz saga. <P>Just popping in to say hi and say that I think this might be one of the longest posts in history <P>To sue, I thought a lot about what I wrote today, and I can see how I want different things now then what I wanted when I got with my first husband. I almost feel guilty for being mad at him for changing, when I changed too. Someone told me once, the secret of a good marriage, is learning to grow TOGETHER. My kids GodParents have been married over 30 years. They still hold hands in public My parent, married 29 years My grandparents..married 61 years. Now you know why divorce shocked the life right out of me. There are some people that can grow together. We just don't always find them the first time around. <P>To Mitzi, where is this post, I don't see it <P>

Hey we are over 100 replies. Amazing.<P>No problem Mitzi and Murphy. Enjoyed following your fun. I didn't see the other post either.<P>Hello, Lonelymom. Thanks again for all the great advice. If you ever decide to become a marriage counselor, let me know and make sure you practice in the Atlanta area. I will probably need another counselor soon if I end up marrying my first date. Just kidding everyone.<P>

I finally have something to say, but I'm afraid I'm too late. <P>I've been separated for over 5 yrs. I only had one possible relationship which started about 1 yr ago. I didn't feel right still being legally married and dating so I (painfully) ended the relationship. Now that I am almost divorced, I am looking forward to dating again. Do you think I need to wait the 6months after the divorce is final since I've been separated so long?<P>My problem is that I am in a business that takes all or most of my time. Since I still work with my stbx it would be difficult to date someone at work. I will say that I am choosier now that I've gone through this. I am afraid that it's next to impossible to find someone who will want kids, and be every thing that my stbx wasn't. (Just kidding, we're talking dating not making a lifetime commitment and there were one or maybe two good things about stbx.LOL)<BR>However, I will be much more aware of who I date and their values. <P>Sorry I waited so long to get on board. Maybe I should post this on Mitzi and Murph's thread... <p>[This message has been edited by AStrongerMe (edited June 05, 2000).]

Stronger Me,<P>I wouldn't worry about kids being a detriment. I did for a whil, but so far it hasn't seemed to be a problem although I realize that it is early. <P>In my divorce recovery group, there is a woman from town that has 4 kids and she said someone has been after her to go out and she is currently just separated, but soon to be divorced. So kids don't chase everybody away.<P>711,<BR>I had to laugh, when I picked up my date on Sun, she was watching a baseball game. After the date, we watched the end of the basketball game. She LOVES sports. I didn't know this before we went out.

711,<BR> You want 200 replies?Since this is a thread about dating(now,or in the future),let me throw a discussion topic at you.<BR> A lot of talk here about trying to meet someone to date.Obviously,single bars aren't the answer("What's your sign,Baby?").<BR> I was at my chiro's today,and he was talking about a date he had from an on-line dating service.He signed up with Match.com,and has had a few dates through them.<BR> I just wondered if these outfits are legit,and a good way to meet people.Other than my chiropractor,I don't know anyone who has used them.Some people I know think only losers(or psychos)advertise in them.<BR> Since this avenue for dating hasn't been brought up,I thought I'd mention it.Any comments? <P> --Murph

I have heard of a few people who have used them and gotten dates. And I have seen on some show on TV about them that a few marriages came about because of meeting someone online. <BR>I just have a real bad taste in my mouth about it since my X met his OW via the internet and chat rooms...yuk...<P><P>------------------<BR>Susan

I'll add to this thread and help get it to 200!!!<P>My stbx and I met on a blind date, and six weeks later ran away and married (way back in 1980 )... we had gone to a wedding that day and the couple had met on the phone: he was a vendor and she was a cust. service rep. <P>The Internet wasn't around, but look at these two marriages... both doomed to failure in people's eyes (man, you shoulda heard everyone!)... but bottom line is that the other couple is still married, and I had a 20 year marriage with the man I met on a blind date and wed within 2 months. Miracles do happen, and not all relationships begin in the conventional fashion.<P>Good luck to all of us!!!!! These days, they are a changin'... but not that much when you think about it!<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited June 06, 2000).]

NB,<BR>My grandparents only knew each other 6 weeks when they got married. They were married till death, about 50-60 yrs. My parents knew each other 6 months, my mom got pregnant with me, and they got married. Been together 36 years. Now ya'll know why my dismal marriage history feels so pathetic to me.

You definitely CAN'T go by how you meet someone or for how long you dated. I've known my stbx since we were 13 years old. Were very good friends. Started dating when we were 17, broke it off for a year and a half. Started dating again when we were 19, go married when we were 20. Had a good 14 years of marriage when the twinkie came along. Now we are divorcing. Just had our 15th anniversary. My H & I were best friends and look what happened to us. When a predator comes along you just never know. I think this is one reason it's been so difficult. My H was one of only 2 people I have ever really trusted. The other one is my sister. It's been quite a blow to my self-esteem. If he could do it to me, anybody could. I know, I know...not all people are like that, but it does leave you jaded.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I was away for the weekend and look what happened!<P>I have a couple of observations. <P>I'm not sure that my children are that big an impediment. The men I've met are not seemingly turned off by them. It seems that I talk a lot about them since they are such a large part of my life. I think it might be strange to hear so much about people but not meet them. (I don't want to introduce them to my dates because, if the children get attached to or even like this person and the relationship ends, the children go through the loss again.) <P>What are other people's opinions on the matter? :confused<P>I liked the comments that we aren't losers, we just haven't found the right person yet.<BR>I like the term "betrayer" for our Xs or STBXs. I needed to be reminded that going out on a date is not the same as walking down the aisle.<P>I have been on my own for long enough that I am not sure that I want to remarry. But I now want companionship. In a big way. But I sure don't want to go through this again. And, even more certainly, I don't want to put my children through this again. (Since their dad left 5 yrs. ago, they've lost a dog, a great-grandmother, a stepgrandfather, and I have to go back to work.)<P>I've heard that most of the time it's the man who destroys a marriage. (Maybe it's a bad choice of words and will get some of you in a serious lather but you just need to cope.) My list of what men may choose from to satisfy their midlife crisis is as follows:<P> Choose one from each category<P>Material choices: motorcycle<BR> sportscar<BR> truck<BR> <BR>Physical choices: Pony tail<BR> earring<BR> goatee<BR> (no tatoos)<P>Acceptance of any of these choices requires that the recipient submit willingly, fully & cooperatively to any psychiatric of psychological evaluations and treatment which might be appropriate. Lack of acceptance requires the same therapeutic assessment and treatment. Only after treatment can choices be made.<P>Sorry to have been so long winded.<P>What do other people do with children and dates who would like to meet them?<BR>

Wow, when I first read this thread, it was only a page long.... now look at it! <P>Well, I'm not sure if I'm ready to "date"... but I would dearly love some companionship. My mom said to get a dog! That was until I told her she would have to puppy-sit for me! <P>I am really enjoying being with myself, and I'm not ready to give up my independance or get into a serious dating relationship.... but I do long for some adult company.... a guy to go to dinner with, or a movie, or to Disneyland, or to the zoo.... anywhere. <P>I don't have any kids, but I am definately not apposed to dating (eventually) someone who does.... I love kids. <P>I'll admit I'm a little <I>frustrated</I> at times (ok, most of the time)... but life goes on, and batteries are not too expensive !!<P>Anyway.... I wouldn't NOT date if an interesting guy came along, but I'm not activly looking either.<P>Did all this jumble make sence to anyone??? :confussed:<P>OK, now I've done my duty by increasing this thread by one post [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/tongue.gif[/img], so I'll shut up now.<P>Love, Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>PS - forgot to mention... was separated for 6+ months (last time) and now divorced for almost 4... lets see.... that makes 10 months on my own.<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited June 06, 2000).]

Don't ya just love this thread!!!<P>I just think that dating, when you are ready, helps to change your focus some. It is a great way to give yourself some diversion from the day to day gruel of being divorced, and helping you establish your new life. <BR>Can we make it to 200????????????????<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Did somebody say they wanted to go to Disneyland? <BR> Let me go find my Mickey ears!!<BR> <BR> --Murph

Hi all,<BR>My neighbor (bless her heart) has been divorced for three years, and just started dating about 6 months ago. She's trying to get me back into it, but I told her I'm not ready.<P>She has an engineer friend who is the same age as me and is dying to meet an engineer chick. Um. I had to explain to her that I'm surrounded by engineers all day, and no offense, but I'm kinda tired of them. "It's a profession, not an obsession." ya know?

TheStudent...I am not an engineer but I work in the engineering department on ISO 9002 and ISO 14001. I can't blame you for not wanting to date another engineer. The ones I work with certainly dance to a different tune! LOL<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

I've signed up with matchmaker.com just to look to see if there is anything interesting. I haven't sent any emails, and probably never will since my match status never has gotten up higer that 50%.<P>its just for fun.<P>but boy, its going on four months just sleeping alone, never mind mediation is in two weeks, and by the time I wait and then get a date, I'll need a cold shower first, middle and end, unless I want to be arrested!<P>thl

I like the idea of just having someone to go places with. Hey I'll go to Disneyland anyday (I have an annual pass.LOL) <BR>My earlier post was unclear I realize. My problem isn't having kids and trying to date...it is that I dearly want to have children and I'm afraid that at 38 there are not that many men who would be interested in starting a family at this age. <BR>But that aside, I do enjoy my independance most of the time. It would be nice to have someone to feel comfortable with again though. <P>I'm leary of the dating services. I know for a fact that there are married people who are posing as single. Heaven knows I wouldn't want to get involved in something like that. <P>

Hi Everybody -<P>Great thread!!!<P>I'll make the contribution to get this to a 200 posts for the year 2000!!!!<P>About the on-line dating thing....<P>There are services on-line (such as Socialnet.com) that not only have "dating" databases but also matches up people in your area for activities such as bike riding, hiking, or just getting together for a movie or card game!!<P>Those may be a better option, being that the sole purpose isn't a "dating" relationship. Quite often we meet compatable people who in turn open up a whole new access avenue to romantic prospects.<P>So, there's my contribution...c'mon people - let's get this to 200!!!<P>BTW - loved the joke about the princess and the toad!!!! LOL!!!!<P>BIG HUGS to all,<P>Sheba

Cinderella,<BR>I agree with you about not pushing new relationship on the kids. Also everything I've read or heard says the same. In fact I read somewhere that the first person you bring home to the kids should be a "throw away" because the kids will almost automatically resent that person and could cause problems for the relationship.<P>A friend of mine told me when he brought home the woman he wanted to marry after dating around the first thing the kids said was boy is she fat, right to her face. He was able to overcome that and they have two children of their own now.<P>I asked my kids how they felt about me dating, and they said they weren't crazy about it but since their mother was, then they guessed it was okay. When I finally did go out I told them I was going. My d never said anything, but my son has asked all kind of questions including her name. We only went out the one time.<P>Last weekend I had a date with a teacher from my son's school. She asked me if I had said anything to the kids about it. I said no, since I didn't know if it would bother them since my son knows her. She said that was okay because my son had told everybody at school about my first date. I don't think she wanted it to get around that she was dating one of the student's (not her student) parents.<P>Murph,<P>I'm going to Disneyland next week !<P>TS ,<P>I too think you are being too hard on yourself. Finish up with your PhD and then see what life has to offer.<P>Its never over until Medic bombs the dead for three years or what ever he says!<P>Bob