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Joined: Feb 2000
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db713 Offline OP
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It is still difficult for me to see ex with OW and this past winter she started attending daughters soccer games, and they sat two rows behind me. We have a very small parent turnout, so it would be very conspicuous if I moved way down elsewhere. They have recently become engaged and of course I'm not thrilled by the news. The summer league starts next week, and the games will be on Tues and Thurs. Would it be out of line to propose to my ex that he go one night and I go the other? We could each see one game a week and I wouldn't have to be around him and the OW. I know this should no longer affect me but unfortunately it does.

Joined: Apr 2000
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I think it is worth a shot asking for the alternating days. Of course, it may backfire on you and they may say no and get some satisfaction out of knowing you still care. Don't you hate divorce.<P>Also, as to whether you should be over this by now, don't worry about that. I think it will always be hard to see our x with others, but I do hear it gets easier with time. Don't you love hearing that over and over again?

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I know two personnel situations, one goes one way, one goes the other.<P>The one where the parents can't stand each other, neither can go at the same time. however, the kid is very angry, and is difficult to control.<P>The other one, the ex W goes, but tells the OW not to talk to her and the xH only talk to her about the kids. <P>My feeling is to go, but do not sit nearby, it is NOT required. Do not talk, it is not required, and if it is a small town, people will understand. Noone expects you to sit next to your XW and be cheery.<P>But your daughter wants both of you there.<BR>Your daughter wants you to show unconditional love, not conditional on whether your XW is there or not. You will be supporting your daughter, she wants both parents to see her successes. She wants you to be proud of her, and to see her when she excels.<P>Position yourself so that you will not have to see the X, and encourage your daughter.<BR>If you don't take her home afterwards, be the first to congratulate her, and then leave when it is the X's turn to congratulate her and take her home.<P>Don't let XW provide imaginationitis that you are inferior as her father, daughters need fathers to show them what kind of man they will want to marry. You are the best example for her as you will are her real father. If you don't start now, it iwll just get harder and harder, and then your d will think it is her, and it is not her.<P>Go, just do it, it is hard, but you are not there for anyone else except your d.<BR>Now go!<P>thl

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Don't make your kids feel like you won't go if your Ex is there.. but, I think it is worth a shot to see about the trading off of nights.. I mean if you were still married you might trade off on nights as well so that the other can get work done..or relax. If you have any kind of a decent relationship with your ex, ask him if he wouldn't mind leaving his girl friend out of family events... afterall.. you are at the game for your mutual children's sake.. it should not be a dating night. I bet that she goes to the games because she is insecure about your presence... so take heart.. it could be that you make them feel uncomfortable!

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DB,<P>I am a "betrayed" STBX wife, and my STBX H takes his OW to the soccer games. <P>Unfortunately, the first few games, I got there first and my EX and His OW sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME. It was VERY uncomfortable, because EX talks to me as if it was last year. Before the affair. If I were to get up and move, then I'd be the one to look bad.<P>I never missed a game last year and I don't intend to miss one this year on account of my ex. I go and its hard and I hate it, but I do it for the kids. <P>The next incident, the OW went WITHOUT my ex as he was working. The B**CH had the nerve to walk up next to me and try asking me how the kids were last weekend. Then she sat right next to me. <P>I know a lot of people there and I don't stay in one place, and if she asked me a question, I'd answer it, not nasty, but not like she's my best friend either. I thought I did a good job.<P>Until I got home and my EX called to yell at me for talking about OW while at the game. I had told an aunt that SOMEONE was a B**TCH, but it was not in referrence to OW. We were talking very low, I am surprised OW even heard us. Like I told my ex, I am civil to them in front of the kids, but we ARE NOT friends. I do NOT have to forgive my ex for what he's done and I WILL tell the OW how I feel about her. <P>In the end, this thing seems to have backfired, I have seen either of them at a game since [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Now in my case, it has been 5 months since X left (xmas day) and I have been thru a lot. I can handle two hours of being near them, because its for the kids.<P>I won't lie, sometimes I go home and drink a beer, sometimes I go home and cry, but its only because it hurts. I don't want to go there and have them smile and try to be friends with me. I don't like them. I never will. The story about the OW proves that she really is a trouble maker and now I know it.<P>Do what makes you feel best. Its not all that fair to the kids for you to go every other, if you always went before. I do plan on missing a game because I actually have something I want to do. For once in 11 years, I will do something for me, and its unfortunate it came up on the night of soccer, but I don't think it is all that bad that I miss that one.<P>If you really HATE them, I would suggest, casually show up in the middle of the first quarter, the spots will be all filled in and it will appear you just go take a spot where there's one open (most likely not near your ex). <P>Bring support along. Don't go alone. I actually sit with STBX dad, step mom, his grandpa, his aunt and sometimes one of my friends go with me. (They all hate him) I walk the field to watch my daughter score a goal and I talk to the other mothers. If anything DON'T let them know it hurts. <P>Let me know how it goes. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Good luck , you can do it [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Dana<BR>

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db,<P>I haven't had to deal with that yet. But I told my stbx that he is to NEVER bring the skanky ho to one of my kids functions if I am going to be there. He can come without her, but she is NOT welcome. He has agreed to check with me before going to anything. If I'm going to be there, he won't bring her.<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Joined: Jul 1999
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Hi everyone - I agree that this situation is "uncomfortable". My boy plays ice hockey and stbx usually goes to games without Mia. But sometimes she's there with her son to watch. I used to hate seeing her show up because I felt like she was invading my "territory". I supposed I could have asked that she not attend, but seeing that she is a part of my kids lives now, I don't see how beneficial that would be. I doubt very much that once they are married (if that is the way things turn out) I could stop her from going to any of the kids functions. After all, she will now be his "wife" and therefore legally entitled to attend anything with "her" husband she so desires.

Joined: Jun 1999
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I guess I've been lucky so far as x has not brought om to any games my kids have been in. We don't sit togther and maybe other than making arrangements we don't speak(did manage a hello last night!). I sit with all the other parents and she sits alone not talking to anyone and looking board. She had her dog last night and some kids came over to play with it but that was the only one she talked to for 2 hrs.<P>Last year I had problems with seeing her at events but not this year. I'm not sure what I'll do if/when she brings om.<P>I guess I'm telling you to go. If he sits with you I would move.<P>I have a similar problem coming up that I am posting also.<P>Bob

Joined: May 1999
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Hey Gang,<P>For me this kind of stuff never ends. My oldest son graduated high school last year. I asked him if it was alright if I asked Val, estranged W, to accompany me. He said sure.<P>I figured that it would be a night of celebration and might help to mend our marital problems. You know the family kind of thing.<P>Well, I went to pick up Val who was dressed to the hilt. Nice conversation all the way to the hall. We sat with my younger boy, my Mom and FXW. I should have felt a disturbance in the force.<P>We held hands, kissed, things were going smoothly. [Val, that is] As soon as the affair was over, we all met in the parking lot and XW flipped out that my W was there.<P>This of course brought the end to the night. There was a small party planned and it got even smaller after that. Val was crying and asked to be taken to her parents house. XW went home mad. So, my sons and mother made the best of an otherwise happy night.<P>XW and I have been D for 13 years and it still bothered her to see me with someone else even thou it was my current W. <P>The moral to this story is a W may be temporary [hopefully not] but an X is forever.<P>I would tell you that if it is uncomfortable to sit with them, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Stand by the fence or find another seat then. <P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic


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