Here it is the day of my 6th wedding anniversary is almost gone...<P>I have been dreading this for 8 months now and it really wasn't a big deal...<P>STBX called about some stuff with D and didn't even mention our anniversary...imagine that...LOL<P>Talking to her today I felt nothing...I have been seething in resentment for the last week or so...I went to a meeting last night and had my resentment put into perspective...<P>Why do I get all caught up in my head thinking about what was and what if and what is??<P>The reality is it is a bunch of wasted emotional draining...God has something in store for me and I have to keep aware for Him to show me...Hating her only hurts me...I can't allow her to have that power over me if I want to heal and have a successful relationship in the future...The bottom line is she really doesn't want to reconcile or doesn't have the faith, humility or the guts to try...her loss, I am a much better person because of her leaving me...How else would I have been forced to get off my [censored] and learn how to have a healthy marriage...My next wife will be one lucky ladie...I know...I know...that's my ego talking...<P>So folks once again I will put my head on my pillow with a clear concience and thank God for this experience...<P>I love you all and I owe you a debt of gratitude for carrying me this far out of the woods...<P>I sencerly thank you...You have been a gift from God...<P>Bill<P>An Irish Blessing<P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.<P>------------------<BR>BB<P><BR>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited June 04, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited June 05, 2000).]

William J,<P>You are right!......we will be/are better people for all of this experience! <P>I hope that you do find someone that will give and show you all the love that you so deserve!<P>I love the Irish Blessing.........it is just one of my all time favorites!.....<P>Hang in there!<P>Gina<BR>

I understand so well... and my anniversary (last month) was one crappy day...seething in resentment here myself...<P>love ya, Sheryl

Bill...<P>My brother...<BR>Sharing even the same anniversary date...<P>I know and hear you!<P>God will take care of us.<P> <P>Jim

Bill,<BR> Bummer.But now it's over with,right?Tomorrow will be a better day.By the way,tomorrow(Monday)is my STBX's B-DAY.It still seems strange not to be buying her anything.Well,maybe I could send her some Pampers for her BoyToy.<BR> You're right,hating is a waste of energy.I don't hate my STBX,just have a feeling of indifference.She's screwed up in the head,so I can't hate her for that.Maybe you should feel that way towards your STBX?<BR> We'll make it through this,right?Take care.<P> --Murph

Gina,<BR>Indeed we will more than survive and find someone better.<P>Sheryl,<BR>We have to start letting the resntment go it will only hold us back in our new indevours.<P>Brother Jim,<BR>My thoughts and prayers are with you. Maybe 6/4 is a bod day to wed. Robins mom and dad were married on 6/4 and 4 years later were divorced (infidelity, mom left dad to pursue another man...i think it is genetic...lol) Let us know how court went.<P>Murph,<BR>Diapers...lol I think a teething ring...lol<BR>I don't even feel indifferent, only this is my daughters mom.<P><P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

((((((((((((((bill)))))))))))))))))<P>her loss...<P>in so very many ways....<P>much much love, my friend....to you....<P>------------------<BR>"The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."<BR>~ A Course in Miracles

Bill ,<P>I know how you feel, up until now, I have had a problem with the "month" anniversaries from xmas day. <P>My anniversary isn't until October, but I am hoping I will be strong enough by then that it won't be so hard. I already had all 3 kids bdays, and those were pretty hard.<P>We will all have those days when we get caught up in "what could have been". But your right, its an emotional waste of energy. <P>What could have been? Well either the affair never happened and we'd live happily ever after (so we thought) and live out our vows, or in another 5 years, an affair still might have happened. You just don't know. <P>What we do know now is that relationships/marriage is hard work that needs constant effort. We're all a lot wiser and can go on to a good life. Chances are probably even better, because we all learn from our mistakes. Ya one day we will have new spouses, possible step kids, who knows what else. Unfortunately, its more common than not, and we have no choice at this point but to move forward.<P>Sending prayers and hugs and SMILE, it will get better!! <P>Dana<BR>

Bill,<P>Sorry you had a lonely anniversary...mine would have been this coming Sunday.<P>Glad you were able to get some perspective on all this. For me, it comes and goes - the struggle between understanding, reasoning and emotionalism. I still battle with the anger and resentment. One day at a time - do your very best each and every day. That is what each and every one of must do. Really that is all we can do.<P>Keep on working at your own happiness, however you have to redefine it!!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

WilliamJ,<P>I am thinking about you. I replied to you on my other thread. <P>------------------<BR>ahhh....vg music has that calm effect....

<B>Bill,</B><P>You have grown so much these past few months, haven't we all?<P>Yes, God has something in store for you, for all of us. It's right before our eyes, all we have to do is open them and reach out.<P>Take care.<P>Alex<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

Bill,<P>Yes its me. I hope you haven't forgot about your old friend. Had to take a time-out from the boards for awhile. <P>You know she did that on purpose. But does it matter? You are right when you say that there awaits something better for you. I don't know what, who, or when it will be. But I truly believe your blessing will come. <BR>Hugs & Prayers to you Always <P><P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Bill,<BR>I know how hard those days can be but it sounds like to me that you did really well and I commend you for that. <P>Sounds like you are doing well and I am glad to hear it. Just remember there are hard days sometimes but you can and are getting through them just fine.<P>I think about you often and I can't help but wonder how things are on the dating aspect of life? lol<P>Take care of yourself and that beautiful daughter of yours.<P>Genie