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Hey Gang,<P>I know what your'e thinking. Oh, great. It's another post from the village idiot. What the hell is he doing over here? What is it this time? Stupid or starting a fist fight thread? HA, got ya! I feel it's going to be both!<P>I have been awake for approximately 40 or so hours pretty much straight. Part of it is because Val signed the final papers last week after a verbal altercation and the other is a dear friend of mine is in the same predicament and I chatted with her last night until dawn. Don't start with the marrital problem stuff with a member of the oposite sex. She has been there for me for the last 14 years. It is my turn. Dont take that the wrong way. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Please forgive the typos. The keyboard, screen and brain are fuzzy.<P>Anyway, what I was thinking. All I have to do is sign one more little thing. Val isn't here in the home living and probably won't be for our anniversary in July. Why fight it? Why do I put such effort and time into trying to stop it? It's a piece of paper and doesn't mean much right now. What about those lost 15 months? Will I get them back on a gift certificate? We have been separated almost as long as together in the M.<P>It just came across to me as beating a dead horse, sure it's fun for awhile but after a bit your arms get tired.<P>Sorry, starting to ramble. This just hit me while laying awake in bed tonight. It was either this or one of the cats did something nasty to me. I'll go check.<P>Any one else feel, think this way?<P>Comments, suggestions?<P>Good sleeping aids? <P>Felt compelled to post this now or I would never remember in the morning.<P>Zippy the Pinhead.

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Zip,<BR> What's going on with you and this old girlfriend of yours? Sheryl should be along shortly to chew you out [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com].<BR> I've thought about this,too.I try not to lose sleep over it.But I guess if somebody wants a divorce that bad,they must of been thinking about it for a while.There's probably no stopping it.Would you want to?My stbx said it was just a piece of paper,too.I lost a lot of respect for her for that,because I believe marriage is much more than that.If(a big IF),I ever get married again,it'll be to someone who truly believes in marriage.<BR> <BR>Try some Nyquil to help you sleep.<BR> <BR>Leave those poor cats alone,they've been through enough.<P> --Murph<P>

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I wish I knew the answer to that. I've also been feeling like I'm beating a dead horse. I'm fighting against my upcoming divorce. Even if I win in court, what will that get me? I still have no control over my H or his imaginary girlfriend. I cannot force him to want to be my H. So I guess that the piece of paper means nothing. There is no piece of paper to bind my H and the OW, but binded they are just like crazy glue. Just my thoughts, nancy<P>

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Tim,<P>Maybe it's because we know what mariage should be...<BR>What vows mean...<BR>The insignificance of a marriage/divorce paper...<BR>and the significance of commitment/covenant...<BR>The importance of family unity...<BR>...even if it's just two.<P>Oh.....<BR>...you picked a bad day for me to think...<BR>...on telephone standby for D trial... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I'll be OK...<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MEDIC238:<BR><B>Why fight it? Why do I put such effort and time into trying to stop it? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Because it's something you believed in. Because it's a symbol of your love and commitment for each other, and as such, is hard to throw away. Because you have the ability to hope for the feeling that brought you both together to be alive again. Because marriage and "til death do us part" means something to you. Because your covenant to God wasn't just a meaningless piece of paper. Because it's hard for us to accept that the person we invested our lives and future in ended up being unworthy. If they are of poor character, then we are poor judges of character, and we don't want to look bad in our own eyes either. Because we love them and want to share our goodness with them.

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Tim,<P>We put effort into it because we believed in our vows. We all made mistakes, but this sure is a harsh way to learn about them. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I can't offer specific advice, because I don't have the opportunity to sign papers yet, but in my heart I am not married anymore. <P>Get some rest, these things always feel worse when your tired and drained. (40 hours is A LONG TIME!)<P>I can only imagine what it feels like to sign the papers, and I'm sure I'll be posting about it by the end of summer.<P>Good luck and keep posting [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>Dana<BR>

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Me again,<P>Well I got some sleep last night. I had the weirdest dream that we renewed our wedding vows. It was so real. I felt her, smelled her the works. I woke up with the hope that this whole affair/divorce thing was a bad nightmare. No such luck. I was hugging her pillow. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Hi Murph,<P>The XGF and I are still friends. We don't go out socially anymore by a mutual decision. I felt I was holding her back. This was 6 months ago. She most recently moved in with new BF and I wish her well.<P>If that "other" piece of paper couldn't stop our S from starting an affair. What's the big deal about another piece of paper that says the first one is invalid.<P>I finally fell asleep due to shear exaustion. The cats were very happy.<P>Hey Nancy,<P>That's what got me thinking too. I guess I'm not the only one.<P>Hello Jim,<P>We lived together for 6 years before entering into the marriage. We were man and woman with a firm commitment to each other before the "official" cerimony. Well, that's how I felt. <P>Val believes she forced me into the wedding. She couldn't be more wrong. <P>Sorry to hear of your impending court appearance Tuesday. We were down your way on Saturday. T2 and I went to Seaside Heights. I thought about you along the way on 78. T2 said we should stop and visit. That's all you need now. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Prayers coming your way Buddy!<P>Popeye,<P>And you were having second thoughts not so long ago. Wow, great response. I can feel the power you have inside of you. Wanna share some? Thanks. <P>Hi Dana,<P>Iv'e said this before and I'll say it again. I am glad this happened to me. I was a rotten H and needed a wake up call. I have turned into a better father and son as well. <P>Signing those papers was the worst. Hope you never have to experience that. <P><BR>Well now for an update. Val called me today. She wondered if I still wanted to talk to her about the final paper I must sign. She thought I didn't want to talk to her since I didn't answer the phone on Friday. I didn't hear from her the entire weekend, so I thought she didn't want to talk to me about it. We are such total and complete idiots.<P>We had a nice 20 minute chat. She is afraid that the separation has gone on for too long. Did not disagree, it has been a very long 15 months for me. I said "I love You" She said "you know I Love You, too". I told her that we still have very strong feelings for each other and it is absolutely insane for two people that care so much to D.<P>We have a "date" on Friday to continue our discussion. I can only hope and pray.<P>Thanks to all.<P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

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Medic: Hey bud! The sand pounding is gone and all that is left is a big mess. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] or [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] depends on how you look at it huh?<P>As far as the D goes, 'What God hath joined, let no man put asunder' A piece of paper is a piece of paper. You made your vows to yourselves and God. If your hearts are right with one another then the papers and D doesn't seem as important anymore.<P>What would we rather have...the love of our life, together and in love, but not married with a piece of paper...or the piece of paper and conflict, pain, and anger. Sounds obvious doesn't it? I wonder why it's not?<P>Good Luck and God Bless<P>------------------<BR>1Co:2:4: And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:<BR>1Co:2:5: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.

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Medic,<P>Hey just wanted to say that I was going to respond and I saw that Popeye said pretty much exactly what I feel about marriage/relationships! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I hope this week-end goes well for you!<P>I will say a couple of prayers for you!<P>Keep your chin up! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Gina<P>

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Tim,<P>I am sending you prayers and best wishes for the next meeting with Val.<BR>Dana<P>

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I forgot to mention, I know I became a better person thru this too. I don't think I was a horrible witch either, but I know I am smarter and stronger now. Good luck

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Ya know what Zippy??? I understand what you're saying..."why beat a dead horse"... but I felt it before divorce was decided... it was my <B>marriage</B> that felt futile. Once David had the last affair, I just couldn't go on anymore. So, I filed for the divorce, and I'm not fighting anything... however, David is not signing the papers. He wants to give it time. He is still seeing OW#4, had another interest in his 26 yr. old neighbor, but isn't interested anymore... in the meantime, I've met someone new. I have no desire to fight this. <waves to Murph, see... no flames from this corner [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]>. <P>But to answer your question... we fight for as long as we can because WE WANT TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE! We want to know WE DID EVERYTHING to save the marriage. That's why we fight. Sometimes, like for most of us here... it doesn't work, that's all. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>OH! and best wishes on the date with Val!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>You guys DO love each other!!!<p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited June 05, 2000).]

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Hey Medic,<BR>I don't know how you do it, staying friends with an X. A couple of months after my divorce, I dated a guy down the street for a little while. I realized pretty quickly that it was too soon for me, and I broke it off. Still, we hung out now and then, did stuff with the dogs. He moved a week or so ago, and said he wanted to stay in touch. I told him I didn't. It was kind of a hard decision for me, but I'm relieved. Hanging out with ex-s (even short-term ones) just reminds me of my failures, so my time with them is not very enjoyable. Then there is the meeting the new girlfriend thing that I've never had to do (because I always cut it off) and don't ever want to. <P>

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Hi Guys,<P>PAUL!!!!!!<BR>Holy Poop on a stick! How the heck are you? The Sand Man cometh. <P>She is not going to get that piece of paper. You can't get rid of me that easy. Hey, you guys know that!<P>Hope things are going well for you, Buddy!<P>Gina,<P>Thanks for the prayers. They are appreciated. Popeye really did say a mouthfull, huh?<P>Dana,<P>Thanks for the best wishes as well. We have all become better people because of our situations. It's kind of like putting you hand on a hot stove. You learn not to do that anymore after 3 or 4 times. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>NB,<P>Sometimes I fear I put too much thought into things. I'm very analytical. Some may say anal. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>These random thought patterns scare me sometimes. I know they have drugs out there that could probable help me. NAH, I gotta be me.<P>Sorry about what's going on with you and David. It's not over till we say it's over.<P>Thanks for the kind thoughts. I hate to admit it but I still really do love my W.<P>TS,<P>I'm not sure how or why I can still be friends with all of the girls I went out with. Most are nurses and they call my ambulance service. I run into a lot of them on a weekly basis. We never broke up on bad circumstances. Hey it just wasn't there for the long run. It was fun while it lasted.<P>I have been wronged many times in the past by rival ambulance corps. I hold no grudge towards anyone. It takes away from my being. AND YES, I have had my head examined. It's where it's supposed to be. Super glued to my neck.<P>You shouldn't consider yourself a failure because of some dating experiences that may have fallen short of your expectations.<P>I don't know you very well, but, from what I have read you seem very nice and extremely knowledgeble. Some posts I can see your anger and frustration. Hey, me too, just look how I started this one. <P>I hope you do find happiness in the near future. I saw you responses to the dating thread. As Triumph sings "Somebodys out there, somewhere waiting for someone" <P>Thanks to all!<P>Gotta get ready for Friday. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<p>[This message has been edited by MEDIC238 (edited June 05, 2000).]

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Hi Medic,<P>I posted something to you on the "anger,resentment,friends" thread.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by popeye:<BR><B> Because it's something you believed in. Because it's a symbol of your love and commitment for each other, and as such, is hard to throw away. Because you have the ability to hope for the feeling that brought you both together to be alive again. Because marriage and "til death do us part" means something to you. Because your covenant to God wasn't just a meaningless piece of paper. Because it's hard for us to accept that the person we invested our lives and future in ended up being unworthy. If they are of poor character, then we are poor judges of character, and we don't want to look bad in our own eyes either. Because we love them and want to share our goodness with them.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Unbelievably touching!<BR>I just sent it to my STBX.<P>thl

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Medic,<BR>It was beautiful what Popeye said. She really knows how to put it. Good luck to you and Val.....it has to be even harder to go through something like this when the WS still tells you that she loves you. Hope she wakes up.....has she always been a sleep walker? LOL I still can't understand what the hold up for her is.<P>Praying for you<P>Nancy

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Tim,<P>Don't know what else to say as everybody has covered the subject pretty well. <P>Wishing the best for you and Val.<P>Bob


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