Well It looks like I am joining the ranks of the divorced. I saw a lawyer this morning and with me moving to Texas it is better for me to file for divorce to protect myself. I feel totally numb. I want to cry but I can't. I have one last hope I sent H an email asking to talk to him about divorce I told him I didn't want to see him but I wanted to talk to him when she wasn't around. I can't handle him telling me he wants a divorce in person. Of course I have made it easier for him to tell me he does want one. <P>I am ready to move on I can't live the way I have and I feel that there is no hope. I am not even sure that I would take him back even if he asked. He has changed so much and not for the good. He is not the man I love, that man no longer alive. <P>I need your prayers to help me through this.<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Oh SDS,<P>I just wanted to say that I will pray for you to find the strength to do what is best for YOU.<P>You do have to protect yourself, and it's so hard to give up hope isn't it? I too would not be able to stand my H saying those words to me in person, keep doing what you're doing, you sound very strong to me.<P>I am so sorry SDS. I know how hard you've tried. Someone once told me that if my marriage does not work out, that maybe it's God's way of protecting me from pain down the road. Maybe God knows that this man could never be true to me and never love me the way he should and is sheltering me from going through this again.<P>Did you read Mental's post after her divorce? She was just at peace. After all of those months of anguish, she sounded so great. MB had a lot to do with it, because she learned how to work on herself through all of the crap her H was putting her through, and in the end, that's really all we have isn't it? Just ourselves. <P>Do something really nice for yourself today.<P>allison

Thanks allison for your prayers. I just talked to H he is seing a counselor. He said he told the ocunselor he wasn't ready emotionally for a divorce but that there was no chance that he would ever come back. So I told him that I was filing for divorce. He said he would sign the papers and return them quickly so I oculd get the divorce before I left the state.<P>It hurts so bad!!!!!!!!!<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

{{{{{SDS}}}}}<P>I am so sorry for your pain. I am so sorry your marriage didn't turn out the way you wanted it to.<P>You have learned so much in the past few months. You are a stronger person for what you have learned. But I know it still hurts.<P>Hang in there. Life will get better, and you'll make it through.<P>Hugs to you. --HBC

di,<P>Welcome to the hope board.....LOL<P>I know that may be a hard pill to swallow but this is now how I see my pending divorce. Am I crazy??? Probably...<P>What I do know, is that my future is brighter than ever. I have learned to love myself. I am no longer sitting on the pity pot. I am filled with gratitude. I have a tremendous network of men in my life and am sitting in the top of the world.<P>Do I have any regrets??? Only one, I regret Robin didn't even try, but, you know what? That is all on her> I do not have to own her actions. I only have to own mine. I have and I am willing to allow God to remove those defects, and slowly he is.<P>So hang in there it is not all doom and gloom, like some of those we care about here find it. I get out of life what I put into it. Today I see a massive sliver linning in this cloud of gray. In fact I mostly see Carolina blue. Keep a positive outlook and you will shine.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill<P>------------------<P><BR>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited July 10, 2000).]

Thanks HBC<BR>Bill thanks to the help of my counselor I am working on me doing what is right for me. I have stopped waiting around I am getting on with my life. In less then two weeks I will be moving to a new state and very possibly I will be divorced person. I will be started a new teaching position with a new set of students. Everything will be new! So why not make me new also. <P>I too have a regret and that is that Jim never really gave us a chance. BUt It is his lost not mine. He has actually destroyed the love I had for him. Even if he wanted to come back I am not sure I would take him because I feel that I deserve better!.<P>I am excited about my new life and I can't wait to start it. I have plenty to keep me busy I have a lot of packing to do. There is a lot of memories to deal with but I am with the help of Paxil coping!!LOL. <P>So maybe this is the hope board hope for a better life. The hope of finally getting on with our lives and becoming better persons.<P>Love ya!<BR><P>------------------<BR>di<P>

I'm very sorry SDS... I know you can overcome this and be a better person for it. I will pray for your relationship even so - things can seem to be worse than you thought they would ever get... try to hold out for better things!<P>BTW, I am here in TX - don't know where you're moving in the state (this state is enormous LOL), but if you'd like I can drop you my e-mail address. H and I also filed for divorce and we were 45 days into the 60-day waiting period before we decided to reconcile. You just never know.<P>------------------<BR>"I believe... this is heaven to no one else but me - and I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence if I choose to would you try to understand?" - Sarah McLachlan

Welcome to the divorced board. Sorry to hear that yet another friend will join us here instead of recovery.<P>I remember that feeling you have now. It hurts so bad you can't eat or sleep. It is devastating. You just want a few minutes alone with YOUR husband. <P>Its a sad and disappointing process, going through the divorce. Be strong and work hard to keep your priorities straight. You might want to read the book "rebuilding when the relationship ends". This book will explain all the feelings you are going through and it is written for those divorcing. It brought me a lot of strengh.<P>Know that you have been through a lot but one day it will get better. You may not realize it now, but in a few months, you may be much more at peace. <P>What helped me was reading that book, and "true lies" by Dr Pittman, along with "his needs her needs". I also read the bible which I never had done before,but I found a lot of comfort there also. <P>You'll find lots of support here. Sending a prayer your way,<BR>Dana<BR>

diana,<P>I am so very sorry that it has come to this. Surely, there are many of us here who can identify with how you are feeling right now.<P>I am happy that you have such a wonderful counsleor who seems to be doing a great job of keeping you focused on all the new opportunities ahead of you. You have a great new job and a move to some place that will hopefully bring more happiness and contentment into your life. I think of you so often (all the time - when I read from my daily meditation book that you mad eme buy!!!). I pray for you all the time. Actually, i ask God to make us all "whole" again, whether or not the marriages are restored. This horrible expereince makes us "lose" a piece of ourselves. My prayer for you, and each and every person is, is the resotration of self into a better and stronger person who can find a happy life once again.<P>Keep your focus on your move and your new job. Do your best to keep your thoughts on your opportunities. I will continue to keep you in my heart and prayers, Twin.<P>Love ya, Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>