Does anyone know any good books about divorce? We've been separated for 6 months and we have a 5 1/2 year old girl and 1 1/2 year old girl. My H has been around a good bit and on the surface it has been looking better. This has been going on for a year and half now. I ask him if he would come back home so we could work on things, and he told me no. So, I need to prepare my duaghter that her daddy isn't coming home. Help.

Our favorite is "But What About Me: How it Feels to be a Kid in Divorce." I don't have the author, but I got it through Amazon.com so it shouldn't be too hard to find. My 6 yo took it to his therapist and the therapist was so impressed he asked me where I got it.<P>Another I got for him is "It's Not your fault, Koko Bear."<P>Be prepared for questions and a fair bit of tears. I have had to really watch what I read to him. I can't pick books where the mother is the main character, because he starts crying.<P>I am happy to see that you are trying to explain this to them. Good Luck and continue to take care of those babies.<P>Brian

This is a great idea.. and I thank you for opening this thread up.. <P>I have a question though.. Do you think these books are good enough for a 12 yr old.. (almost 13)? <P>I have my daughter going to counceling, but I would love for her to get as many perspectives as she can, that will help her..<P>She is at a very vulnerable age, and I would like her out look on relationships in general to be at it`s best.. as well as to understand our situation a bit better...<P>AV<P>

Brian, what made you start your 6 year old with the therapist? I've been thinking about it. My H and I have been going together and separate some for almost a year. My H is doing the "I love you, just not 'in love' with you thing.<BR>Thanks for the book suggestions. I'll see about ordering both today. (I love Amazon!)<P>Numbheart (how I wish my heart was numb!)<BR>I think if your child is a reader, then books will help. Both my girls would rather have a book in front of them than the television. My 5 year old wants to read everything so bad. She doesn't understand that being able to read at all at her age is wonderful. <BR>One of the books I read recommended these books for preteen/teen kids: How It Feels When Parents Divorce, It's Not The End Of The World (it's supposed to be about a 12 year old girl who realizes that after things settle down, they aren't so bad) and The Divorce Express. I haven't read any of these, since the girls aren't that age, so I can't personally recommed them. Hope it helps.<BR>I, too, want both my girls to have a good out look on marriages and relationships. I don't want them to think this is the "norm". I don't want to be watching my children go thru this in 30 years.<BR>I could ramble on, but I won't. I have to go talk to the lawyer next week. I actually think I might interview with one more before making up my mind. This is so new (and unwanted) to me. Any suggestions? Things I need to remember?........or good books?<BR>Thanks again for the support.

You may want to check out...<BR><A HREF="http://www.divorcesource.com/cgi-bin/webcart/webcart.cgi?CONFIG=mountain&CHANGE=YES&NEXTPAGE=catchildren.htm&CODE=PHOLD" TARGET=_blank>Divorce Source: Books: Children</A><P> <P>Jim

But it IS the norm! All the books on divorce for children that I have seen pretend that people get divorced after much effort has been put into trying to overcome their "differences". They completely ignore the fact that there is almost always an affair, and in the vast majority of cases, there was not only no effort to work on the marriage, but the left behind spouse and the kids had absolutely no idea that there were significant problems in the marriage, because the spouse who had the affair insisted that nothing was wrong. <P>And then the divorce books preach on and on about how the kids will continue to have both parents in their lives. Yeah, right. Most OW's, and even many second wives who weren't OW's, will do everything in their power to minimize the father's involvement in their kids lives. One the non-custodial parent is out of the house, emotionally speaking they are generally out of the kids lives, no matter how much the kids beg him/her to stay in their lives. <P>One of the reasons for the high divorce rate is that many divorce books and so called experts keep proclaiming that divorce really isn't that bad for the kids.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited August 05, 2000).]

I took him to therapy because he was having a lot of trouble with mom leaving. I am a social worker, although I do not do therapy, so I am pre-disposed to look at that as an alternative. Also, our situation is a bit different (check my previous posts for details), so I felt that it would help him.<P>I took him to the same therapist that the stbx and I went to try to work out the marriage problems. He was very good. But then stbx took a demotion and lost the mental health coverage. Thanks for taking the kid's needs into account when you plan your life.

piper,<P>thanks.. I will look into those two books.. and hopfully, my TEENAGER will welcome reading them... <P>Nellie1,<P>You have some valid points, and to add to that, the justice system has no morals or family values any more either.. they THINK they do, but they really don`t.. it is sad, but no one really cares enough about emotional status any more.. it is a matter of finances only now.. thats all the courts want to know.. <P>If some one is driven, (as it happens every day) to temporary insainity!!! it`s just shrugged off on the front page.. and then forgotten, as we all are.. <P>this is just too easy and too excepted now a days.. and it seems, there AIN`T a thing we can do about it..! <P>wish there was.. but NOT!!!<P>AV

Grandpabri2,<BR>As far a my children are concerned, it's not a matter of taking their needs in to account when planning my life.......my children are my life. They are the reason I breathe in the morning. We have so many things in life that drag us down......like the reasons we are all here.....but if you have children, you're so lucky. They give the best hugs and the brightest smiles! They seem to find that last bit of energy that we have in us. I will take the pain of the world as long as I can keep them from feeling it. I guess my biggest concern is the 5 year old feeling like it's her fault or that she has something to be ashamed of.<BR>Don't get me wrong, I'm falling apart inside. I want my marriage and family back together. I'm very hurt and confussed by all of this. Some days I don't know which was I am coming from......but I know exactly where my girls are! Sneak a peak at your youngest when she doesn't know you are looking. Have you ever seen a prettier sight?

Piper, that last was not directed at you, but at my stbx.<P>Sorry for the confusion.<P>Brian

Piper, <BR>I too took my kids to counseling as soon as my x left. My s, 9 yo, only went 2 times. The counselor was impressed because he was able to identify several sources of help if he needed any. The counselor had a book too but he knew all about divorced families. His biggest concern was were was he going to live. When he had that answered, he was satisfied.<P>My d, 13 yo, went to 10 seesions and had 1 additional and has 1 scheduled for this week(she has had trouble sleeping lately and asked to see the counselor). The counselor says d has issues with her mother(won't tell me!) and that they need to work them out.<P>So I do advise counseling. My d's concern was would she have to attend the hearing.<P>I'v tried to open and honest with them all the time in regards to the divorce without running there mother down(too much!).

I honestly didn't think it was directed at me! I just get carried away when I start thinking about how lucky I am to have such great children!<BR>My H is coming over later tonight to talk. There is actually a little bit of hope left. Who knows, God willing I may have to switch back over to the Emotional Support board!

I got a copy of "Dinosaur's Divorce" illustrated and cowritten by Mark Brown who does Arthur books. Was helpful for my daughter who was about 6 when I got it. I recommend checking with the children's librarian at your local public library. My family uses the library often. In fact, when we have time together, that is often the place my children want to go. Forget the movies, mom, let's go to the library - cool, huh?<P>It is really sad that this is so "normal." It takes such a big toll on the children. I really want my children to see a healthy two-parent family. I want them to know how spouses are supposed to love each other. That is the biggest reason - even outweighs my emotional needs - that I could see for remarrying. I want a healthy family for them to model. But it is better for them to see me be healthy and standing up for myself than for me to be with the man to whom I used to be married (their father).<P>Oh well, it's true that adage "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we endeavor to deceive."