Dear friends who have taken time out to reply to me these past few months, my sincere thanks. Last night I poured my heart out to her asking her to come home if she at all wanted our marriage. I left her at her parent's house at 12am with the answer she was coming today but was scared.<BR>Today, she told me she was not coming, she wanted a divorce. Said she had nothing left to give and no desire to continue trying. Told me to go find someone else. HOW???<BR>She had lied to me repeatedly over the last 8 years, had 3 affairs, and still I love her so deeply. What the heck has happened to her feelings for me? How to I just move on and accept she is history and my son is part-time? HOW??<BR>LHC2

{{{{{LHC}}}}}<P>My heart goes out to you. I remember when my STBX h left (on xmas) I cried my eyes out. I was devastated. Sure we didn't have the perfect marriage, yet who really does??? <P>A month later, January 26, he told me he was coming home to save the marriage. He was going after work to OW house and getting his things and coming home. <P>Well he never came. He said those same things. I have not followed your post, but in my case it was due to an affair.<P>I didn't know what to do, or how to go on. A few weeks later, on Valentine's Day I got served Divorce papers. I was really crushed, at how quick this was moving.<P>Ultimately he dropped the divorce and I countersued. Unfortunately my papers are being delayed and I fear I will get them on my birthday that is coming quickly. This is my biggest fear right now.<P>I remember feeling helpless, like you do now. Its hard to accept that your spouse doesn't want you or the marriage anymore.<P>You can still Plan A if you choose to do so. No matter what you decide to do though, you will find support here and make friends.<P>Good luck, I know you don't want to hear this right now, because I surely wanted to choke someone but honestly, it does get easier down the road, I am saying this to you 8 months after I felt the way you do today.<P>Good luck.<BR>Prayers, Dana<BR>PS We were together 11 years also<BR><p>[This message has been edited by DanaB (edited August 08, 2000).]

LHC, <BR>We all understand here..it is a terrible thing when they are so willing to give up...what is the saddest is that often they feel someone else will be "better", and had they only given us the chance, we could have been the somone else!!<BR>If you can follow some of the principles in this site, you may still have a chance at saving your marriage. It is not easy, but many here have done it..<BR>I would strongly suggest you counsel with the Harleys and see what can be done. I wish you well...<P>------------------<BR>Susan

She says she feels she is searching for something she is missing. I know it is the feeling of love. I know she does not love me anymore, but I wanted the chance to make her do so again. She said she found that feeling in her last affair(we all know what that was) and does not want to continue with me searching. So, I guess she has to search alone. Her father tells me to stall a little longer. He thinks she cannot find this happiness elsewhere either. His own words to her was that he did not feel any man could ever love her more than I. I must move on. If she comes to her senses, maybe I will be here, maybe not. I just cant chase her anymore. Honestly, tonight, I feel somewhat relieved. I don't know if it is because of the ending or simply because she finally gave me a direction to go. Up to now, all her answers were "I don't know if I want our marriage and I don't know if I'm coming home and Yes, I want to see you but not right now--let's go slow" We slowly died.<BR>I'll miss her, hope she does find what she is searching for, but will never understand why it was not here with me. I gave her my all and have plenty of scares and bills to show for it, just not a wife.<BR>LHC2

hey brother i feel your pain. W and i have been married 12.5 yrs and she just ups and walks out(see my post for the story) all i can say is be strong and pray.

Are you sure that we were not married to the same woman. My wife said the same thing. Of course, now she has found her soulmate and plans to marry him as soon as she divorces me.<P>I hope losing her marriage and her children are worth it.<P>Listen to Dana. It does get easier.<P>IMHO, people like this will not find happiness. My stbx thinks that love is that queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. She believes that other people make you happy, when happiness comes from within.<P>I'm still sad and mad, but mostly I feel sorry for her.

LHC2,<BR>My x left after 16 yrs of marriage and said pretty much the same thing.<P>Only thing you can do now is sit back and Plan A her, Plan B if you must and just work on improving yourself for whomever comes down the road, whether it be your w or someone else. You want to be the best LHC2 you can be for the person.<P>Let her file for the divorce if that is what she wants. You can stall, but don't fight her about it.<P>Hang in there and God Bless,<P>Bob

Why are all these stories so interchangable?<P>I too heard the same thing from my stbxW of 16 years... I don't love you anymore... etc, etc, etc... it's an old story for me at this point because...<P>She filed 2 weeks ago... 16 years of marriage, 3 kids, wonderful in-laws on both sides of the marriage... just gone - like _that_... and everybody I know, that knows me _at_ all, can't believe she's divorcing me...<P>I know I've made mistakes in our relationship, that she sees a side of me that these other people don't see. And for the first time, I have actually taken an ownership of my role in this thing... but there is a deeper problem...<P>And it doesn't have anything to do with me...<BR>She's not happy with herself... and she's looking outside herself for something that will make her happy...<P>And she'll never find it there...<P>Life can hold you down<BR>When you're not looking up<BR>Can't you hear the sound?<BR>Hearts beating out loud<BR>Although the names change<BR>Inside we're all the same<BR>Why can't we tear down these walls?<BR>To show the scars we're covering<BR>There's a peace<BR>There's a peace inside us all<BR>Let it be Oh, can't it be your friend?<P>Lyrics from a Creed song that pretty well sum it up for me... and I'm at peace...<BR><p>[This message has been edited by bwilling (edited August 10, 2000).]

My heart goes out to you. I can tell you this from everything that she is doing to you, you deserve someone better. I can tell you still love her. It is possible you can work it out. If I can give you some advice. You might want to talk to Steve. I had two counselling sessions with him. He is an excellent counsellor. He will tell you about plan A and plan B. There are some books here on the internet that you can order. It tells you more about plan A and plan B. There is one called Surviving an Affair. I think it is worth reading. Either way it is better to work on yourself. Be the best person you can be. It will strengthen your children's relationship because they need you now. It might even get you your wife back. Also prays do work to. Pray for God to intervene in your situation. Leave it up to his hands. I know that God believes in marriage and is on your side. The power of prayer really works. Join a pray group. They will also give you support. Counselling for you and your kids is a good idea also. Everyone here that is hurt can get some help from a professional. Good luck and hang in there. May God give you strength, confidence and inner peace.<BR>I also believe that your wife is not happy with herself and is looking for someone to fill that void. She must find happiness with in. God can only give you that through lots of prays. I am full prove to that he has been helping my through my situation. I have been married for 2 years and 3 months. My husband left me 1 year and 7 months into our marriage. We dated for almost 8 years before we got married. I am still trying to work on our marriage. I will not give up hope and will always continue to pray. My husband is also a very unhappy person right now. He <BR>wants a divorce. I hope that God will intervene and save this marriage.