First I must say that I can't file because right now I live in this backward a$$ state that won't let you file without being seperated for a year, and with the stipulation of having NO sexual contact for that year; However I'm pregnant so that's out the window. But he's moved to our home state, and can file!!<P>I got so angry last Sunday. My H is starting to really piss me off. Is their such a thing as [censored] Syndrome? If so, his is full blown and I've have enough!! I'm so tired of him telling me how he is not in love, but he cares for me and values me as a person. "Values me as a person!" What the hell is that? Why is it that he has drag this out so long if he doesn't love me or doesn't care? <BR> <BR>I can't take living like this. He says that financially we would be better off, if we stayed married for now. How is this? Our finances has been seperated for almost a year now. Plus I have no debts. I have your normal car, rent, light, phone, cable, ect... type of bills, but no outstnading debts. He doesn't either except for one credit card payment that is his and his alone. Plus being that he is in the military, our daughter and unborn can still remain on his insurance. I can afford my own!!<P>I'm just so sick of this. I need my sanity. I told him to file now. He says, he'll see what he can do? Now what kind of response is that? I don't feel as if he loves me anymore. I don't feel wanted by him. <P>Though I love him with all my heart, I am NOT desperate. I don't need this. I am so drained. I will be just fine with my little girl and unborn baby boy. It's just been to long. I need closure and I need to heal. He said that he never said we weren't meant to be. That he didn't know what the future held. But he is following his heart. Right now he just doesn't have the feeling for me as he should have for a wife. And without those feelings as well as trust, understanding, and communication, he feels that a divorce is the only answer. <BR>What a dumb@$$! Pretty much I told him he could follow his heart without me as his W. It didn't phase him. He didn't ask me to stay his wife, nor did he ask me to join him at his new duty station. All the decisions he's made in the past year has been for him and him only. <BR> <BR>And what if he did say the things that I wanted him to say. DO I really want him after all of this? I have hung in there for so long and now I'm starting to wonder why? What was I fighting for? Why should I fight for a man who doesn't want me? I DESERVE BETTER!! Are these the feeling that you start to feel prior to losing all your love for your spouse?<P>I want CLOSURE. That's all.... Is that so much to ask? Do you know he had the nerve to say..." Jamie, if you have so much faith in this marriage and so much faith in God, why do you let this bother you? " What nerve? He must have balls made of steel to say that to me.<P>What do you make of this? I think I did the right thing?<P><P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

I know that the weekend is slow, so now since it's Monday, maybe I'll get a little insight. <P>Thanks in advance.......<P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

Hey Jamie-lee...<BR>Saw this before, but didn;t respond as I have no insight on this . Still don't, I'm afraid.<P>That "not in-love, but love and care for you" thing is so common. But, it sure seems like your H has been stuck there a long time. I can't blame you for being tired of this.<P>Sounds like he isn't ready to let you go, but not ready to commit to the marriage either...sitting on the fence. Maybe this will wake him up a bit...<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jamie-lee}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>Kathi<BR>

Jamie-Lee,<BR>I'm not sure what to say either. My ex said alot of the same things to me. We were going along alot like you two, in limbo, until my mother got cancer. At that point, it was like, well here is something serious. Either you are my husband or you are not. We are either going to move ahead and start being a team again, or you are free to go your own way. He went his own way, spineless, weak person. <P>At the root of all this (at least for me, and maybe for you) is this idea that you have to be head over heals in love 24-7 or else your marriage is over. I think it is a very harmful myth. Not only that, there is a big myth that "love" doesn't require effort. When people say they are "following their heart", I usually think "ok, that means you're too lazy to do the work now". It is really frustrating to be standing there, with all the tools you know can make a good marriage, and the other person won't even open the tool box, or lift a hammer.

Kathi,<P>Thanks for the hugs and support. I know I rambled a lot and vented. Looking back, this was kind of a hard one to reply to! You're in my prayers, I hope all is well!!<P>TS,<BR>Long time no see! Or should I say, long time no type But as usual you make perfect sense. You hit it on the nail. I think that those myths are indeed to common. There have been days when I didn't feel "in love" with him, but I didn't just back out or leave. Because I knew that our marriage meant much more than that. <P>But anyway, I am tired of just standing around waiting. I think I made the right decision. It's time for closure. Thanks for the response. <P>I read your post about your trip to New Orleans. Seems like you had fun. Hey go for the belly ring!!!!!! I want one too, but after this baby,lol!!<P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com