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#672019 10/18/00 12:02 AM
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Dana, I just read your post in Bill's thread- sorry, I didn't remember that H left on X-mas Day. But you know what? Send out those cards! Remember all your growth this year and take it as gift from God (or Santa if you wish). Don't let those memories put you down in December (in my case it's not as difficult: although X-mas was the worst ever betrayal day happened on -Mexican- Postman Day).

Alex

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Live fully and always learn


#672020 10/19/00 12:02 AM
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Dear ALex,

Thank you for the reply. I am starting to get really "leary" about the holidays. I knew last year it would happen. I even sense some fear or grief in my ex's voice.

I am going to try something new this year. Go cut down a tree. Something I always wanted to do as a family. Instead I had some huge 8 foot monster tree that took up my whole room!

I am not taking out any ornaments from last year , I am starting over. I don't really want any presents, just doing the holiday for the girls this year.

I can only imagine my card. It would start out like, well its been an eventful year since you last received my card. R left on Xmas day. He waited long enough to open AND TAKE his presents and EAT and he couldn't rush on out of here quick enough. I got a lovely romantic roasting pan for xmas. The day before I almost lost my index finger while making 250 hors deurves for HIS family and the paramedics had to saw a decorator tip off my finger. He yelled and said I was a stupid idiot. Then on New Years, he spent it with his girlfriend whom I later found out was around longer than he admitted. I got served Divorce papers for valentine's day, (and I thought I was getting flowers), and then I battled in court for the next 7 months of which I barely remember anything about life from that time. All in all, we got divorced and I received my papers a few days before his but he received his on our wedding anniversary. As you get this letter please remember that visiting hours at the hospital are from 6-8pm and I can't have shoe laces or any sharp objects.

OK that was just me venting. Seriously, my daughter kept getting sick and I prayed for me to have something instead of her. How dumb was that?? Well guess what , prayers can come true, be careful what you wish for!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the reply Alex and I'm glad to hear your doing well. I think the first year is the hardest for us all. LIfe is truly a challenge isn't it???

And to think I am out here starting over again,what on earth am I thinking???

Prayers and hugs,
Dana


#672021 10/18/00 11:25 PM
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quote:
… I am starting to get really "leary" about the holidays. I knew last year it would happen. I even sense some fear or grief in my ex's voice.

…my card... would start out like… its been an eventful year… R left on Xmas day. He waited… to open AND TAKE his presents and EAT… I got a lovely romantic roasting pan for xmas…. I almost lost my index finger while making… hors deurves for HIS family… paramedics… saw(ed) a decorator tip off my finger…. He yelled and said I was a stupid idiot…. New Years, he spent it with his girlfriend… I got served Divorce papers for valentine's day, (and I thought I was getting flowers)… I battled in court for… 7 months of which I barely remember anything about life…. we got divorced and I received my papers a few days before his but he received his on our wedding anniversary….visiting hours at the hospital are from 6-8pm and I can't have shoe laces or any sharp objects.



Dana, were you really venting or are you feeling sorry for yourself? You MUST get over this and start moving on. By his reaction when you cut your finger it sounds like there was nothing there to rescue (am I wrong?).
quote:
I am going to try something new this year. Go cut down a tree. Something I always wanted to do as a family. Instead I had some huge 8 foot monster tree that took up my whole room!

That’s the spirit!! Something different- I like your idea about new ornaments that I’ll try it myself.
quote:
I am not taking out any ornaments from last year , I am starting over. I don't really want any presents, just doing the holiday for the girls this year.


Why? What kind of celebration will be if it’s not for you too? Some experts say that it takes around 2 years to heal, but I wonder if that is what it takes to hide the pain, to bury it so deep that we don’t feel anymore; real healing may take much more, or probably less than that but it depends on how serious we are about learning from the experience and about moving on.

Jesus! I sound like a teacher or like some who “has made it” but today it wasn’t a good day at all re: my relationship with the ex… Last night I asked her for advise about what I consider an abusive behavior of my cousin and his girlfriend (show up unexpectedly and eat up everything from the fridge, drop their laundry for my maid to wash –of course using my electricity, water, soap, etc.-). She agreed with me and gave me what I though was a very good opinion as how to handle them; well today she began to give instructions to the maid, yelled at my cousin and later to me over the telephone and basically tried to run my life; I yelled back at her and asked her to back off. BUT the anger I felt made me realize that I am not that well off after all, but also confirmed that whatever it is that we had is really, I mean REALLY gone (this was the god part).

And now I am back to my decision to move on: TRY IT, the first step is forgiveness, forgive him and also forgive yourself for whatever you feel (not think, but feel) that you did wrong; do it for the children and for yourself: you’ll see too that sickness will disappear from your household and that true love –in any possible form- does exist, it’ll just show up but you must be ready.

quote:
And to think I am out here starting over again,what on earth am I thinking???

You are probably thinking that you are a valuable, strong, capable woman, mother, human being who deserves better. You do but you have to be ready to receive.

Alex

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Live fully and always learn


#672022 10/19/00 12:04 AM
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Dana,

After reading through your timeline of events, I can't beleive what an insensitive A - - you X seems to be. I'm not trying to make light of your situation, but have you ever considered writing a screen-play about this? All of these things happening on holidays just seems surreal. You might as well try to capitalize on this if you can

BTW, thanks for your kind words on some past posts. They have really helped to pick me up.

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JH93


#672023 10/19/00 01:57 AM
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Dana,

I hate to tell you this but it's time to start some new traditions. Your life has changed as has mine.

I really hope that you are doing well. I couldn't be better!

Time for some new decorations, lights, and ornaments. Time for Dana and the girls.

You can't help that your H is a bung hole and that he can't see what he is losing.

We all here can see it. Who is really losing out?

Please, stay strong!

Wishing us all the Best.

Zippy


#672024 10/19/00 06:34 AM
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Dana,

I'm going back to basics this X-Mas, baking cookies while listening to X-Mas albums I listened to as a boy in the 1960's, train to NYC and the tree in Rockefeller Center, simple little things, walks in the snow (hopefully we'll have some), all the lovely smells of cooking.

Our sense of smell is the most primitive of our senses. The smell of cookies baking, a turkey roasting, the smell of fresh pine conjure up my earliest memories and make the connection to a sense of "home" for me. I will impart these on my daughter and she will always remember them.

These are the things I want her to make the connection with, not a bunch of earthly objects and commercial hype. Ofcourse she will receive a lot of practical, educational type things from Santa as well as 1 or 2 things that 4 year olds love.

It worked for me, it can work for her.

I hope that you too will find the true spirit in lieu of the hype that is rammed down our throats.

Thank you for the support you have always offered up to me and many others.

Jay


#672025 10/19/00 07:38 AM
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WOW, when I read all these replies, I had tears in my eyes. Everyone on here is SO sweet. I really didn't expect any other replies on this thread but thank you.

Alex- I know what you mean about one day you think you are doing well then the next day you really aren't as good as you thought. Its tough. I try to get as much strength and confidence and good feelings when I'm up. That way when I'm down I don't stay down long. I have been staying down less and less though thats for sure.

Jay - actually I started writing a book when this all happened. Believe it, I really did! Then I had a hacker on aol and lost everything!! I showed what I started to 2 people and they really liked it. Of course, it had a lot of pain in the beginning, but I have thought about rewriting it. I'd have to send everyone on MB an autographed copy when it came out!!!!!!!!! You could come to my book signing. It would be on the Lifetime Channel. THen I'd go on Today show, and meet Matt and Katie. I can see it now!

Tim/Zippy/Medic (I thought I had a lot of names) BUNG HOLE, LMAO, I have been laughing hard over "blows goats" for months and months now from one of your old posts. Thank you for the reply, I hope you are doing well right now, you don't post much unless its on another side of MB that I don't go to anymore??

Catamount/Jay - What you described is exactly how I always felt about xmas before this happened. You are correct about the sense of smell (and now I'm craving turkey, thank you), but yes, I love candles and the "smell" of the holidays. I did have a huge tree, but only for the lights and I like to decorate. Xmas has so much more meaning than presents, but it is still wonderful to see the magical look in your children's eyes when they get that one toy from Santa that they really wanted. (even if 2 weeks later its under the bed). I always had the basics, so now I don't know what to do. I don't know for sure if I can listen to the xmas music since music and lyrics mean so much to me, but I am going to try. last year I got the time life xmas collection after 5 years of wanting it!!!

I can't imagine what xmas is going to be like, but I really am scared. Its hard enough to go thru all this, but I was always so big on holidays, I can't imagine what I'll do now.

Hugs and Prayers to you all,
Dana


#672026 10/19/00 07:59 AM
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Dana,

Surround yourself with friends and family for the holidays! (I plan on being here alot! LOL)

Hey!! Maybe we can collaborate on a book about this mess!! We'd have to think of a good title. And maybe throw in a little sarcasm. (Ok, a lot of sarcasm!)

I don't know how Christmas will be for me. I still have those "family" ornaments...ya know..the ones with "The Hartman's 1999" and stuff like that engraved on it! I thought of decorating a small tree with all of those and then having a small but healing fire!! Or maybe sending them to A*S and The Thing to use on "their" tree! Hmmmmm...decisions, decisions!!

Big (((((HUGS)))))
Mitzi


#672027 10/19/00 08:22 AM
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Dana,

I know what you mean about writing a book...the OWs husband and I talked about that at great length...the whole deal about star crossed internet lovers, both leaving their families for each other!! But somehow, we would have to put a tragic ending in there....perhaps OW would tell my xthat she never really cared for him, it was all a fantasy...(hey, wait, thats' what happened!!)

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Susan


#672028 10/19/00 08:21 PM
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{{{{{{{{{{{{MITZI}}}}}}}}}} Long time no see girl, where on earth have you been!!!!!!!!!! I can't make it over to your monster threads, I'm too far behind on everything, so I try to stick to saying hi to someone new and keeping up with my friends on here when their down.

{{{{{{{{SUE}}}}}}}} How are you? I sent you an email too a few days ago. I hope you are doing ok and email me back when you get some time. I will be changing my email address soon, but I'll let you know when it happens.

I love the idea about the tree. I have those engraved things too, dating back to 1990. {sigh} A healing fire, thats an idea. I'd like to light it on fire and drive by and toss it thru his window, but that wouldn't go over well . I guess I'll resort to dealing with it some other year. This one has been torturous enough.

Prayers and hugs,
Dana



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