The last month has gone really great, but last night my H went out after work, didn't call to let me know and when he got home I blew up. I apologized later for not handling my hurt in an adult manner, but the only response that I got was sarcasm and mean responses. He said that he is an adult and shouldn't have to answer to me. That I am a babysitter and not a wife (That isn't true; he goes out every weekend without me and the last month he has gone out atleast one night a week). I tried to sit down and calmly talk about respecting each other and their feelings, making phone calls to prevent the other from being worried, etc. He just sat there with a grin, shaking his head and making snide remarks. He then decided that he was going to bed. I thought that the fight (which should not have escalated that far) was resolved and I needed some reassurance and consoling. I asked if he would hold me and he refused. Basically, he was saying that he did nothing wrong and that I was a "bad girl" and I needed to be punished. How do I get it through to him that he doesn't have to agree with everything that I feel and say, but he doesn't have the right to make me feel stupid (which is what his sarcasm does) and he should at least listen to me and try to see my point of view? Most of our arguments are over stupid little things, but when he gets angry and mean, I respond and things escalate. How do we stop this? It hurts so bad. I love him so much, but he always makes things my fault and he never apologizes for anything. Am I the one who is being irrational? I feel like I am losing my mind. Everything is great as long as I keep my mouth shut and don't rock the boat. I feel like I am going to explode. Please help me.

Mari,<p>I don't think you're irrational. It is very hard to bear a spouse who will not be reasonable.<br>I look back and think of the years I did not take some of my wife's complaints seriously. No, I did not try to belittle her or make her feel stupid. But perhaps some things I did, like over criticising, made her feel that way. <br>Now that I understand the errors I've made and just how insensitive and stupid they were I ask myself why I ever did them. I didn't consciously intend to do my wife any harm or contribute to her building up an emotional wall. <br>But when you are caught up in yourself and your concerns so much you can't see what you're doing to those you love the most. It's a shame that it takes losing them, or almost losing them, (sometimes) to wake up.<br>Your husband can't see what he's doing to you. He is able to rationalize it in such a way that you are always at fault. That's what selfishness does for you.<br>All you can do is the best you can and pray that he will see it and acknowledge your value before he loses you and finds out the hard way. I'd like to see somebody do this the easy way for once. I'd just like to know it can be done.