Okay, I thought this way hilarious... A friend of mine sent this to me and I just had to share! <P>MEN<BR> <BR>Men are like...Laxatives - They irritate the **** out of you.<BR>Men are like...Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are.<BR>Men are like...Vacations - They never seem to be long enough.<BR>Men are like...Bank Machines - Once they withdraw they lose interest.<BR>Men are like...Weather - Nothing can be done to change either one of them.<BR>Men are like...Blenders - You need one, but you're not quite sure why.<BR>Men are like...Cement - After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.<BR>Men are like...Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth and usually head right for the hips.<BR>Men are like...Commercials - You can't believe a word they say.<BR>Men are like...Department Stores - Their clothes should always be half off.<BR>Men are like...Government bonds - They take so long to mature.<BR>Men are like...Horoscopes - They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.<BR>Men are like...Lawn Mowers - If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.<BR>Men are like...Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion.<BR>Men are like...Popcorn - They satisfy you, but only for a little while.<BR>Men are like...Snowstorms - You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how Long he will last.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B>Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...Courage to change the things I can...And the wisdom to know the difference.</B><P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

I call fowl. There's at least one in there that I am not.<BR>Was funny though.

OK, <P>Jayhawk!!!<P>They recruited another one. Now we are way outgunned. I need to resurrect the sports car thread!!!!<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Hey Jamie-Lee!!<P>A popcorn snowstorm!!! LOL LOL LOL <P>Mitzi

Hey!!!! Me thinks we're being picked on again. Careful ladies or we'll have to give you the bird. (Jayhawk? come up with something witty. )

But it's just soooo easy to pick on you guys! And fun, too! <P>Mitzi

Oh, yes...<P>Game on. Where's the "He Man Woman Haters Club" charter members when you need them. <P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again<p>[This message has been edited by c00ker (edited November 10, 2000).]

Woman Haters??? Now why would you be woman haters??? We just having a little harmless fun. Well, at least I am. Seems like I'm the only woman here! <P>Mitzi

Jayhawk to the rescue......<P><BR>I'M GLAD I'M A MAN<P>Everyday I give thanks to God<BR>I was born a man instead of a broad<BR>When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV<BR>I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee<BR>I go to a barber, not a beauty salon<BR>Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on<BR>Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts<BR>I use my turn signal, I understand sports<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man<BR>Tell you the reason I am<BR>I don't go through a faze every 28 days<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man<BR>I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons<BR>Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john<BR>I don't throw a fit when I break a nail<BR>I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale<BR>I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror<BR>I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer<BR>I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass<BR>I don't ask my friends about the size of my [censored]<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man<BR>Tell you the reason I am<BR>I don't face the pain of water-weight gain<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man<BR>Let me tell you ladies<BR>Listen to me ladies<BR>I love those things inside of your blouse<BR>I love your pretty faces<BR>Your warm and soft embraces<BR>But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house<BR>I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date<BR>I don't play with dolls unless they inflate<BR>When someone asks me my age, I never lie<BR>After sex in bed, my spot's always dry<BR>I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines<BR>I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans<BR>I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie<BR>This is the same underwear I wore yesterday<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man<BR>Tell you the reason I am<BR>I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man<BR>Tell you the reason I am<BR>I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin'<BR>Man, I'm glad I'm a man<BR>

Your here alone now, <P>but sooner or later you'll gang up on us again...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Ok, here is my defense:<P>I....<P>-don't draw on my eyebrows<BR>-use my turn signals<BR>-don't buy lots of shoes<BR>-don't apply make-up in rear-view mirror<BR>-drink beer from a bottle<BR>-don't play with dolls<BR>-don't lie about my age<BR>-don't mind in my dates try to get in my jeans!<P>So, there!!<P>Mitzi

Oh wow,<P>hmmmmmm...<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

Oh, WOW!!!<P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain and makes the sun come out again

C'mon guys someone else needs to help me out here. My rep as being one of the 'nice' guys is going to quickly diminish if I am the only one out here insulting our "lady" friends.

What's wrong, Nick? <P>Mitzi

Well, so much for the reputation..........<P>WHY SHEEP ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN<P>Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth <BR>You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear <BR>Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather <BR>Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease <BR>Nuttin' beats mutton <BR>Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel <BR>Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early <BR>Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down <BR>Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them <BR>No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe <BR>Sheep are never concerened about their reputation <BR>Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up <BR>Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time <BR>Sheep never insist on eating out <BR>You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson <BR>Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late <BR>Sheep don't get moody once a month <BR>You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth <BR>A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay <BR>A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed <BR>A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon <BR>A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car <BR>A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains <BR>A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay <BR>A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup <BR>A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy <BR>A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator <BR>A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom <BR>A sheep will never sue you for palimony <BR>A sheep won't care if you screw her sister <BR>A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is <BR>A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing <BR>A sheep won't use you razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can <BR>Sheep never have a headache <BR>A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill <BR>A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom <BR>A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons <BR>Sheep grow their own fur coats <BR>A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football <BR>Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend <BR>A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning <BR>Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex <BR>A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up <BR>A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator <BR>A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style <BR>A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom <BR>Sheep are "ram tough" <BR>A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth <BR>Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on <BR>Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning <BR>Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck <BR>A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it <BR>A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber <p>[This message has been edited by Jayhawk 93 (edited November 10, 2000).]

Ok, time to defend myself again!!<P>-Boots and leather don't scare me<BR>-I can get my own towel<BR>-I don't smell like fish! <BR>-No curlers, no mud pack<BR>-I don't cheat<BR>-I like mirrors!<BR>-Don't like cucumbers!<P>I won't even say anything about the battery statements! LOL<P>Mitzi

DID I WIN????????<P>Mitzi

I don't know if you won, Mitzi, but I did remove the statement regarding tuna. I didn't care for that one either and I skipped right over it. <P>Sorry.<P>Jayhwak bad. <BR>Jayhawk very, very bad

Jayhawk,<P>Hell! It didn't bother me! It was just a joke. Believe me, I've heard worse.<P>Ok, since you're still here...I guess I didn't win. I thought you guys gave up and left! <P>Mitzi <BR>