My name is mark.<BR>I'm 32, my wife is 31. We have been married for 8 yrs. The thursday before Christmas my wife told me she was not happy. Hasnt been for several months. She is leaving friday morning for 4 days away to have space.<P>She has mentioned divorce, and separation.<BR>Her female friend who is her support is lesbian. My wife told me she has an attraction to her. <P>I guess she is falling in love with her friend. Heck I dont know.<P>I am prepared for divorce.<BR>She said she cant give up her friendship with the other woman.<P>I told her that if we was going to try and work on our marriage, I dont think it would be healthy for her to be seeing the other woman. <P>I dont know what to do. I'm the working poor.<BR>I dont have insurance, and I cant afford a councler. I would really like to try working on our marriage. <P>I wish she would have told me about this long ago. I feel it is too far gone.<BR>I am feeling, and have felt since she told me of this, overwhelmed. I cant function. I cant sleep. I dont have no desire to eat.I need help. I try to stay busy. I quit drinking a while back. Drinking is not the answer I know that.<P>I dont have friends that I call true friends, someone to talk to. I told my mother today. Told her that we was putting up a front Christmas day. The marriage situation was as much a shock to her as it was to me.<P>Mom tried to comfort me. She'll do anything I ask, but I dont know what to do.<P>I feel hopeless and helpless.<BR>I guess the way I feel....I need more help than our marriage. <BR>I feel overwhelmed. I cant make heads or tails of the emotions inside myself.<BR>Please help if possible. I dont know what to do.<P>Any free support groups in knoxville,tn?<P><BR>broken in tennessee<P>

I don't know what resources are available in your area. I do know that through your county mental health agency there should be some resources available. I recommend you check your local telephone book - the county government listings - for more information. There are also, probably, numerous counseling facilities which operate on a sliding scale. Churches often have these. If you do attend services anywhere, the minister of your congregation may be a good person to contact for referrals.

1. Give her all the "space" she wants. Clinging is counterproductive.<P>2. Learn and practice Plan A.<P>3. Keep contact with friends, family, etc. so that you don't go off the deep end into depression. <P>4. If your sobriety is of the "white-knuckle" variety where you are clinging to a cliff and not on solid ground, find an Alcoholics Anonymous chapter.

Mark, first I feel for you and really appreciate your desire to work things out with your wife.<P>1. There are sliding fee scale agencies in most areas of the country that will see people based on income.<P>2. Your local churches may offer asssitance with this issue<P>3. The company you work for may have an EAP - free counseling for employees and family members<P>4. I will pray for you and your wife<P>5. As hard as it is give her space

Hey Mark,<P>Well, you already took the right step by coming to this forum.<P>You are exactly where I was six months ago, when I got the "no longer in love with you speech". Fortunately for you, you know about your W's EA (emotional affair), so you know what you're dealing with. In my case, my W "neglected" to inform me that as part of deciding that there was a problem in our marriage, she was already sleeping with a co-worker...<P>The good news is that this forum is free , and so you can get lots of good advice here without it costing you anything. Believe it or not, most people here have gone through very similar things, and have experienced the pain that you are now feeling (and the no-eating no-sleeping stuff as well). It's of little consolation, but it DOES get easier with time.<P>In the meantime, like others have said, give your wife the space she seems to need.<P>And perhaps most importantly, don't do what everyone seems to want to do initially, which is to try to help your wife see the error of her ways. Don't try to fix her, or to convince her to fall back in love with you.<P>Your best bet is to focus on yourself. As counterintuitive as it sounds, take time away from your W, work on making yourself happy (spend time with friends, kids if you have them, family, pursue hobbies, etc). That way you can show your wife that you are worthy of her love. Also, you need to identify any behaviors you might have had that pushed her away in the past (LB's), and we know we all had some of those. Then learn to eliminate these behaviors.<P>I'd say you should also post on the Emotional Needs or the General Questions forums. <P>It's not easy, but it does work (sometimes).<P>AGG

One of our friends here, NSR, has some really good links he can provide you with. I'll see if I can e-mail him and get him to post them here.

Thanks to everyone for replying so fast. I just got back from dinner with my mother and step-father. Finally a good meal. Now if some good sleep will follow.<P>I am taking a good week off from work. I work at an exotic felion sanctuary. lions, tigers, and leopards. <P>I'm not a handler, I'm on maint. But that still requires me to get close to the cats. In my state of mind it is not to safe to be working right now.<P>She is leaving for her 4 day thing tomorrow.<BR>I called a friend and he said I could come up and spend some time with his family this weekend. I'm going take him up on it.<P>I think I could start writing country music.<P>Man this is hard. I don't know what to do. I do not want to do anything to push her away. <BR>I just wish monday would come so we can talk about what we are going to do. Where we stand with each other. Where I stand with her. Why did it take this for me to come out of my blindness and see how much I value her. <P>My step father said if I talk her into counciling he would loan me 500 dollars. That isnt much. I have checked on prices already. But, it's a start. If she doesnt want to go, than I am. I need to talk to somebody.<P>Did I mention I feel overwhelmed? <BR>I dont think it would be so bad. But she seems extremely happy with her friend. <BR>It seems as if I'm cut out of the picture.<P>I dont know where to start on getting a handle on what I'm feeling. Depressed? Yes.<BR>Heartbroken? Yes. Regretfull? Yes. For my actions or inactions. For what I said or didnt say. For what I have done or didnt do.<P>We screamed, yelled, and cried about this a couple of times. A couple of nights ago we had a civil conversation. Only after I had spent about 8 hours at this website. She dont want to read, talk or do anything till she gets back. I can live with that. but in the meantime this is killing me. It's an effort to put one foot in front of the other. <P>Thank God we have no children.<P>Please keep talking to me people.<P>

Welcome <B>broken_in_east_TN</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Do start on Plan A...<BR>...check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P><B>You are not alone</B>...<BR>...there have been others who have also had the OPs end up being lesbians.<P>Stay here for as much support as you need...<P> <P>Jim

Thanks Jim.<P>I do think I'll need alot of support.<P>I know I'm not alone in having this situation. I have seen some jerry springer shows.lol

I forgot to mention.<P>The OW is coming to pick her up in the morning. My wife has requested I stay in the bedroom, while the pack the car.<P>Is this right?

Well she just left. It was a peaceful parting.<BR>Now I got 4 days to wait.<P>Last night we ahd a talk and she kept bringing up that a divorce was the last option. She said that she has some things about herself that she needs to do. She mentioned several, all of them but one we could grow together on. The other was that if she is out with friends she dont want to worry about what time it is, and having to get home.<P>I think she wants her freedom.<BR>My biggest fear about getting separated is that we will not be able to work on our marriage with that OW in the picture.<P>Got about 2 hours sleep last night. I'm emotionally drained.<P>