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Joined: Dec 2000
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This is the 4th night with her being moved out, and it's lonely.<P>She told me she would call to see how I was doin...no phone call yet.<P>How does one learn to let go, when the love of ones life has left?<BR>I would take her back in a heartbeat if she walked through the door, but I dont think that will be happening anytime soon.<P>I would like to talk to her, to hear her voice.<BR> I'm not going to make that call. Should I? It might bring me a little peace, or it might bring me more heartache.<P>Unrequited love is for the birds. I want her to look at me the way I do her. I would like to be a mere strand of hair, just to be able to brush up against her face.<P>I love that woman after all she has done to me. I would do anything for her. She walked out on a good man. Am I crazy to be holding on so hard. I'm holding out hope that she will not find what she is looking for, that she will find that here is were she would rather be.<P>She told me that she wasnt in love with me anymore....I read on this forum, that it is normal for couples to fall in and out of love with each other throughout a marriage. I printed that out and showed it to her, and she said that she will make her own descions. I wasnt trying to make one for her. I showed her that because I tried explaining it to her before, but I couldnt find the words.<P>Anyway, I'm going to get off here, I have to go to work tonight. I thought that throwing myself in work would be good for me....I have since found out that I think of her there just as much as I do anywhere.<BR>

Joined: Jan 2001
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I'm moving out this week. I feel the same way about my STBX husband as you do about your wife. I ask myself the same questions about letting that love go. I know that my husband will miss me when I'm gone (he can't be entirely heartless!) You are not crazy to be holding on. I posted the other day about a phone conversation I had with the OW. That call gave me insight to many things. Don't call her. Use this time to rely on friends, family, and this forum. I have a hard time giving advise, as I'm going through the same thing, but I am going to heed some of my own advise as well. Hang in there.<BR>

Joined: Dec 2000
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Rejected: I'll try not calling her.<BR>Its hard being in the same county with her. Where ever I go there is a memory.<BR>I cross a bridge and I remember about the canoeing trip we too down it. <BR>I look at the mountains around here, and I remember about the hiking trips we took. <BR>I drive past the park and I remember how we used to walk the dog there.<BR>I look outside at the flower beds I put in for her, and can picture us planting all those flowers and roses.<P>I think it would be easier if I hated her, if I had no feelings left for her, but I dont hate her, and I do have feelings left for her.<P>I do talk to friends, they say time will make it easier.....what do I do while I'm waiting for time.<P>Letting Go <P>Letting go,<BR>closing my eyes<BR>as you fade from<BR>my arms.<P>Stepping back, turning away<BR>feeling tears on my face<BR>wash through my heart<BR>like a winter storm<BR>freezing my world<BR>to ice.<P>The words,<BR>'I LOVE YOU'<BR>frozen in my heart <BR>forever,<BR>never on my lips<BR>or in your ear<BR>again.<P>I shiver<BR>as the pain<BR>reaches my soul,<BR>catching my breath <BR>in ripping<BR>agony, hurry<BR>go...<P>Retreating footsteps<BR>pause..<BR>closing doors<BR>It's done....<P>A quivering sigh,<BR>shoulders back,<BR>head high, clear wet eyes,<BR>mask in place,<BR>I turn to face tomorrow<P>Without you......

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by broken_in_east_TN:<BR><B>Its hard being in the same county with her. Where ever I go there is a memory...<P>I do talk to friends, they say time will make it easier.....what do I do while I'm waiting for time.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I know what you mean about the memories. I thought at first that I would have to move out of town. But it <I>did</I> get easier. Sort of. I've come to treasure those memories.<P>I've gotten used to sleeping alone. I've gotten used to crying. These are things that have just become part of my life.<P>I still think of my wife constantly, and pray for her constantly. I will continue praying for her as long as we both shall live, even if that's all I ever can do for her.<P>The hardest thing for me is not to be able to give her a hug. There was a time when she said that she <I>needed</I> my hugs. I want nothing more than to take her pain away.<P>What do you do while you're waiting for time? You hurt. One day, one hour, one moment at a time. You hope, you pray, and you hurt.<P>Writing is good. Poetry, journaling, whatever works for you. I'm a musician, so for me making music helps. And there are many temporary escapes that can dull the pain.<P>You learn how to cope. You learn not to kick yourself. You dig up old dreams and try to see if they can regain their former luster.<P>But mostly, you hurt.<BR>

Joined: May 2000
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My heart goes out to you - I know that pain that you feel. My wife has left me three times over the last four years - each time it was hard, but each time a little easier than the first. She just left again two weeks ago - and I miss her. I should hate her for what she has done for me, but I don't, I still do love her. Be patient my friend, try not to get too down. Wait a few more days, and if she hasn't called you - just make a quick call to her, ask how she is doing, tell her that you miss her, but don't let the conversation get too long or too emotional - don't beg for her to come back to you. Show her some strength, that you can live without her if you have to - you will look better in her eyes that way. Then leave it at that - maybe she will call back in a few days. Remember, they have to decide if they want us, and they have to want us for it to work. So, we have to be patient, give it some time and see if they miss us and still might want us in their lives. If not, we have to try to move on - and hope for the day that we meet the "right" person that does see all the good that we are and will love us for that.<p>[This message has been edited by rich1959 (edited January 31, 2001).]

Joined: Aug 2000
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broken_in_east_TN & REJECTED,<P>God's strength to you both! Boy I remember those first few days without my wife - so sad, so lonely. Then the triggers that come, places we have been to, things we did, TV shows we watched. I hated hearing this when I was where you are currently at, but it does get easier to deal with.<P>My advice (what seems to have worked for me) is to feel all the emotions you are going to have - don't try to "be strong" or hide them away. Face them as they appear - feel the sadness, accept the lonliness. Once you stop fighting these feelings, you will begin to feel better. Accept all the feelings you have as totally normal - WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE! Everything you feel is normal.<P>It is always good to look back on your marriage and evaluate what went wrong and where, but don't get in the rutt of beating yourself up. It is not all your fault, just as it is not all your spouse's fault.<P>Use this time as a building period - Build on who you are as a person. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally. Work on yourself for a while it will help no matter what the outcome is with your spouses. If you can, exercise.... That did a lot for me - it helped me keep my apetite, it helped me sleep and most importantly it helped me begin to rebuild my self-confidence.<P>Finally, if you have faith in your life, then forge ahead with a relationship with God. Ask for His forgiveness, His strength and His comfort. Ask for His help in healing your marriage. Just keep in mind that His help will come in His time, not ours. And while He can't "make" your spouse come back, He can work on their hearts.<P>Be strong. Finally, remember that this is not something we can ever fix overnight, so resist the urge to look for "fixes". Whatever happens, either good or bad, is probably going to play itself out over a period of weeks and/or months. Prepare yourself for the battle.<P>My prayers are for you.<P>Mike<P>------------------<BR>God always waits for the right time to do the right thing in the right way.

Joined: Dec 2000
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SoTired2000,<P>You know, I have never been a real spiritual person, but in the last 33 days I have done more praying than I have done in my past.<P>I have realized that God or whatever name you want to put on him. Doesnt put more on us than we can handle. I have put alot in my hands for him to take from me, and take from me he has. He has also put more back on me in its place. <P>Becareful what you pray for...you just may get it. I did.....twice I have got what I prayed for.<P>I do want to face what I'm feeling, and I do want to grow from it. It's just that I have never had to go through anything like this. When I was younger and dating I was always the one who did the dumping, so I never had to feel this much, and this kind of pain, hurt, sorrow, lonliness, regret, and now I have another emotion coming to the front.....resentment.<P>


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