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Joined: Oct 1999
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Well unless we settle and I haven't heard anything back from my H and he has been gone at the OW's since last Tuesday, we go to court on Thursday. I feel like I have lost the battle of my life and that my H and the OW have won in a sense. I can tell myself that I tried and my H did nothing to try and work on things other than continue to drink to make him feel better and run to the OW to have his ego stroked.<P>I wish there was something I could do to make this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach go away. My whole life has been pulled out from under me and life as I knew it no longer exists. My h is not the man I married and that is the hardest of all to realize. I keep hoping and praying he will "wake up" and see just how awful and mean and cruel he has been to a person that loved him no matter what he had done.<P>And on Thursday it will all be over ten years of marriage thrown away for a bar fly and a bottle. I wish I could just wake up and have it over with. I am dreading going to court like I have done something wrong when I haven't other than loved my H too much I guess.<P>Any words of wisdom or encouragement for the dreaded court date would be much appreciated.

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BC,<P>Is this the final (divorce) court date?<P>I'l be praying for you on that day...<BR>...no matter what.<P>You have really given it your all...<BR>...and had the patience of a saint.<P>It may be time to put all of your focus on you now...<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

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Thank you for your thoughts. I have really tried and I am tired of it but still have feelings for my H however, I do hate what he has done to us. Unless we come to a settlement by Thursday then yes it will be the final court date as I understand it. But then you know lawyers, mine was suppose to call me over the weekend and never did and then today is a holiday for them so I am feeling very nervous right now.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bc:<BR><B>My h is not the man I married and that is the hardest of all to realize.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>BC,<BR> You are right BUT, the man you married IS under all that somewhere!! The power of the "fog" is amazing sometimes isn't it?<BR> My W is already starting to say things like "I said that, TO YOU?!" She said and did HORRIBLE cold things at times. She remembers little.<BR> As for "the" day. I remember it as not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe it's like when your body is really badly injured it goes into shock?<BR> The days after where tough but the day, kind of peaceful really. Like releasing a deep breath.<BR> BUT [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] you never know what God has in store for you guys. Just give it to him and the He will do what's BEST for you, that's his promise. Climb up into God's mighty arms and let him comfort you now and the weight (the feeling in the pit) will be lifted. Whatever is going on between your H and OW CAN'T be as bad as you're imagining. It never is. GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK<BR>P.S. Please pray for us as I'm sure OM will be REALLY pulling out the stops this week. THANKS<BR><P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom and PRAYER is why!!"

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PLEASE HELP:<BR><B> <BR>Whatever is going on between your H and OW CAN'T be as bad as you're imagining. It never is. GOOD LUCK <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Frank, BC isn't imagining anything at all. Her H is an alcoholic who refuses to get help. He is cruel, a financial dead-beat, emotionally abusive, a liar, won't keep a job, etc. etc. etc. The OW is a selfish B##$# who is from the gutter. They are both Bar-Flies.<P>BC & I have been e-mailing each other for months now, so I honestly know what she is going through.<P>He may have been a good husband at one time. But, he no longer is. He's too far out there.<P>I'm sorry that what I wrote wasn't very nice, but BC, I don't want you to think that you are imagining anything.<P>You deserve a better life. Your H is NOT the same man that you married. Unless he gives up the bottle, the "real" him that is hidden somewhere inside, will not emerge out. He will continue to treat you with such disrespect. BC you already know this, so I won't go on.<P>I know that you will find happiness if you move forward.<P><BR>

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Now I just find out from my lawyer that my H is up to games. He got an appraisal for our house that is $25,000 less than the one we had from two years ago. So he can buy me out for less and I can't do a thing about it. The judge is supposedly a jerk and all this time that I have been there keeping the bills paid while he is out with the OW spending our money and this is what I get. I am so mad I could do bodily harm to him right now that is if I knew where he was. He hasn't been home in a week must be hiding out knowing that I will blow a fuse about this. The wonderful law doesn't care about me or what he has done to me. I am soooooo mad I could spit nails right now. We built this house for us and now the OW is going to be in my house. Over my dead body. Why is it that I still am being punished for what I have done? This man is evil and so is the OW.

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bc,<P>Do you have a copy of the appraisal for 2 years ago?<P>I suggest having your OWN appraisal done.<P>Your H sure is manipulative. Keep one step ahead of him BC and you will be fine.

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Yes my lawyer has a copy and so does my h's lawyer. But my lawyer said that the judge would just take the two and go down the middle of the road so that is around $107,000. The appraisal I have is for $120,000. What makes me so mad is that he did all of this behind my back in order to try and keep the house. I still am not sure if he could come up with the money to buy me out but if he has done this then I assume he has something up his sleeve. It just amazes me that all this time was spent for nothing. Probably I shouldn't worry so much seeing he one probably can't get the money and two if he does will he be able to pay all the bills and drink too. I don't trust a thing he says and if I could find him right now I don't know what I would do but it wouldn't be pretty. All that he has put me through and all he worries about is his stupid house.


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