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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 2
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 2
I have been married for 2 1/2 years to a very different guy than I fell in love with. My husband works evenings 4 - 12 and I work day 8:30 - 5. We rarely get to see each other and when we are together all my husband does is watch tv. I tried to talk to him and usually I'm just competing with whatever he's watching. This happened from pretty much day 1 of marriage. We can't really afford to go out often so I've tried doing nice dinners at home etc. usually he gets mad if he has to eat at the table instead of in front of the tv. I've been feeling very lonely and neglected for quite a while and have tried to get my husband to talk about our marriage and to let me know how he feels. He just says there's no problem. The last straw came Thur. he told me his sister would be coming to stay with us (due to some family problems) and if I had a problem with it and wanted to leave that he understood. But his sister/family was his first priority! I told him I thought I was his family but he wouldn't even respond to that. This just sort of confirmed to me how I've felt the entire marriage I am not one of his top priorities. His first is his job, then his family (mom, dad, sister) and then his tv programs maybe I'm in there after that. I got so angry after Thur. that I left and went to my parents for the weekend he didn't call but once and acted like there was no problem. He is very hard to talk to about any thing thats wrong because he gets so ANGRY he yells and cusses and sometimes scares me, but has never hit me. I just don't know what else to do. I've pretty much given up but am scared to go out on my own and think if I could just get some help maybe we could work it out. He will not go to counseling though.<br>I know this is a lot of stuff but someone please help!!

Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
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Joined: Dec 1969
Posts: 6,937
Meredith;<p>I'd suggest marriage counseling for you, even if your husband won't go. You're dealing with a lot, and the guidance of a qualifed counselor would help tremendously.<p>I don't know if your husband would be willing to read relationship books, but I'd suggest that you order "Give and Take" from this website. There's a lot of practical advice in there for helping a troubled marriage.<p>You need to follow the four 'rules' for a successful marriage: the rule of protection (eliminate lovebusters), the rule of care (meet your spouse's important emotional needs), the rule of honesty(complete), and the rule of time (15 hours/week). Getting there is going to be difficult, but once you do, you can have a great marriage.<p>I think that you would benefit from a 'real' counselor; the books, this website, and this forum can help, but your situation sounds pretty serious. <p>Good luck.

Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 104
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Joined: Jan 1999
Posts: 104
You may not be able to change him, but you can change yourself. Husbands and wives are mirrors of eachother. He might actually be reflecting less time needed toward you because he feels you don't spend quality time with him. Ask him to seek counsel with you after you have already setup an appointment. Seek more advice from books and counselors on your own if he doesn't want to participate. And try getting interested in 1 show he watches and watch it with him. Marriage is work. Work at it.


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