So still lurking as always. I have just returned from my first vacation in like 7 years. I must say that since I have really made the decision to let go that I am not beginning to realize how much of myself I had lost/misplaced/forgotten about.<P>I am not talking about the past year and a half of trying to rescue my marriage...(that was my problem I see now, it wasn't something I could rescue) I had begun to lose myself years ago. In work, school. Living and being the type of wife I thought I should be. <P>I think this is one of those life strategies that Dr. Phil talks about...there is no reality only perception. I perceived things one way and that may not have been reality.<P>It is funny I have begun to learn how people view me and have really started looking at my life. <BR>I kinda like the freedom to reinvent myself and am looking forward to it. I had forgotten how much I love watching movies and how I love to chat with my friends (I used to have a social life before I decided to become focused on my career and H)I used to be a more daring with my clothes and the music I listened to.<P>I think that as we go through what we all have been through on this board it is hard to remember who we are...or were or want to be. <P>I have read over and over on this board how we can not make our spouses want to be with us...begging, pleading nothing will work. I believe this more so now than ever. I still care for my H but it is changing. <P>It has been a real struggle for me to remember myself. But here I am emerging...I just found out that I may be losing my job due to an aquisition. So as if life hasn't thrown me enough curve balls lately. I wonder if it is more like there for awhile I wasn't living my true life so now this is my opportunity to discover what I should really be doing and living.<P>Just being thoughtful today.

You sound like me!<P>I believe that oftentimes when a tragedy or personal trauma occurs it can be an opportunity for growth and transformation. As painful as it is, it seems to be necessary. I imagine it must be traumatic and possilby even painful for a butterfly to enter the coccoon and grow wings. But when it emerges, the painful waiting was well worth the effort, for now she can fly.<P>It is an awesome thing to discover or rediscover things about yourself and to grow yourself in new ways. Scary at first, but very exciting!

I know what you mean CPickle.<P>I have been trying to see myself through the lens of others. It's very interesting, and very enlightening, isn't it?<P>Continue looking, and growing, and finding the you who was lost.<P>Nice post for a thoughtful day.<P>------------------<BR>I just want to sit in the garden in peace~~<P>*Statue*

Hi cpickle,<P>are you me??<P>This is EXACTLY how I have been feeling for the last couple of weeks.<BR>Almost excited about my future. I have no idea what it holds, I don't have anyone special in my life (and I'm not looking) but I'm happy. Happy with my children, my job, my studies, my family and my friends. What a wonderful way to be.<P>What you said about being a wife, and our perceptions of that, are so true. I think I was the wife I thought I should be. I did what I thought I should do. Instead of just being, and doing what made us happy. Both he and I played a role. We did what everyone else did, and what we thought we should do. Instead of being completely ourselves. I did what **society** (for want of a better word) told me I should do, ie, behave/act as a wife and mother. Is this making sense?? I know what I want to say, but the words aren't flowing smoothly this morning.!!!!<P>Anyway, that's over, and I feel free. Free, like you, to re-discover myself. And I'm having fun doing it. I'm enjoying being me, my kids seem to like me, my parents and my sister seem to like me, I'm laughing a lot more, so I think I'm doing ok. I would hazard a guess you are too......<P>thanks for this post. It's great. I read it this morning, and my day, which started great, will be even better.<P>take care of you, and good to see you again<P>Jo

I must concur cpickel, and I thank you for the very "thoughtful" post. I was just talking with my mum, and she said that I really need to find myself again, as I was to busy trying to please my husband and be that perfect little wife. I may have lost a little bit of who I am. It isn't that anything was wrong with what I was doing, in as much, as being a good wife. It is just that soon I will not be someones wife anymore, not my chose, but I've got to be happy with what is left................ME!!!<BR> <BR>

It seems so easy for women to lose themselves to their marriage and family. We get so caught up in trying to be a wife and mother that we forget that we are women. <P>I always wanted to be a wife and mother. I had dreams of the perfect family, ya know, little white house with the picket fence. I completely threw myself into that dream, trying anything to make it happen. I became the model homemaker. Cooking dinner every night, being involved in kids' activities, having his friends over that I didn't really like anyway, etc....<P>I forgot that first and foremost, I'm Mitzi. (Which is easy to do) I forgot to take time to really enjoy doing things that I want, and to just be me. <P>It's amazing how our ideas of who we are and what we can do change when something like this happens to us. It completely changes our whole outlook on life! A friend of mine who has been divorced for several years gave me some good advice. "Don't get so wrapped up in your children that you forget that one day they'll be gone!" When the kids are gone, no matter how much time and energy you've put into being a mother to them, you are still alone. <P>Be good to yourselves ladies! And enjoy just being with YOU!!<P>Mitzi

Wonderful words of wisdom from you all...<BR>I am suppose to be in recovery..but it doesn't FEEL like it..<P>Instead now I am asking myself the s same questions...<BR>Who am I? What do I want from the second half of my life?<BR>What will I do when my younghest is finallyout on his own..( which should be in 5 years) ..<BR>So now I'm trying to focus on the 5 year plan...<BR>I still (at this moment) want my H in my life...yet I also know that IF this should happen again...I cannot be unprepared emotionaly or financially like I was.<P>Lessons learned...the hard way...<BR>So now with trial date less then a month away...I"M trying to decide which direction to go ...<BR>I have come so far...Now I am in the fork in the road....and must chose the path I want to take...<P>I'll keep you posted.<BR>Tyra<BR>

Wow, you sound like me. I've been separated for three years, divorced since last September and its funny to hear my friends say, wow it's great to have the old Sue back. The first few times I heard that, I really thought long and hard about those words.<P>I didn't even realize how much of myself I had lost in trying to keep my marriage together. I lost one of the best things about me, my ability to laugh and see things in the brighter way.<P>I made myself do an exercise that really helped as goofy as it sounds. I put a list up on the bathroom mirror. At the top I wrote, I'm a good person because:<P>Every morning for a month I had to put something in there, whether it was because I had great hair that day or my smile isn't so bad.<P>It was amazing at the end of the month, all of the characteristics of myself that I saw coming back. I'm not totally back yet, but I sure do love myself more than I did a year ago.<P>Stay with it!!