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#684526 03/15/01 06:57 PM
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My son got home from school today and I was waiting for him , but he immediately ran upto his room. I said I wanted to talk to him and he said he didn't want to talk to me.<P>I told him what I did was very wrong and that I was very sorry and had appologized to his mother. He was relieved that I did. He asked if she appologized and I said she did and he said that was good.<P>HE then tool the blame saying he should have come down stairs when he first heard us start to argue and got between us. He also appologized to me for throwing the basketball at me(he hit me too!, from about 30') and I told him That it was alright and that I was proud of him that he did right thing in defending someone a woman or someone smaller.<P>The whole time I was talking to him, he was looking out the window and wasn't looking at me. When I was done, he came over and hugged me and we both cried. <P>HE said it seems like I am jealous because x is remarried. I don't think it is that though.<P>Anyway, I think my son and I will be fine. I have an appointment with my counselor tommorrow morning to see what is up with me.<P> <BR>To further complicate things is my d wants to go over to spend the nite at her mothers tonite so she can do her hair and then needs me to pick her up in the morning to take her to school since x leaves way before school starts.<P>I am going to take her over. I guess I will see if x will drop her off on her way to work.<P>Thanks all

#684527 03/15/01 07:23 PM
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great!<P>talk like that more often, i am trying, and it is what Lonleysoul and other encourage, but the kids don't know how to do it yet, and its is adult stuff they are coping with, which they are not yet equipped.<P>I suggest that you have him accompany you at the next opportunity to show him that you can be your normal self back to her and that you don't hold/harbor any resentment.<P>great learning example.

#684528 03/15/01 09:06 PM
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I'm so glad the talk went well! I hope your meeting tomorrow helps too!<P>Take care,<BR>Jen

#684529 03/15/01 09:10 PM
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Bob...<P>Good parenthood is being open to talk with children...<P>With boys, it seems a bit harder!<P>More talk...<BR>More love...<P>You're doing good!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

#684530 03/16/01 12:36 AM
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Hi RWD -<P>Good to see your familiar and friendly name currently posting....I miss you and our peers!! Although I have tried to follow whenever I catch one threading something.<P>Ouch about all that's going on right now. Glad that you realized so much so quickly though....that's very good. Your recovery solutions were excellent also. Good for you for facing head on.<P>What do you think is going on with you? Why did you dismiss what your son said? Couldn't there be a bit of truth there? Jealousy is really a combination of hurt and envy....although that is not the full spectrum of all you may feel - doesn't it fit with those emotions? Hurt - well, that covers pretty much most of what we feel......envy - we all envy their "new" life to some extent, even if it's just that they aren't alone......<P>I did something awhile back that really helped me to recognize whatever patterns I may have.....<P>I went and read through my threads/posts and looked for trends.....like anger periods and what triggered them, how I got out of them, when it would come up anew, etc. It really helped me to see the signs. Have you ever done that? <P>Don't forget that anger is hurt....face what is hurting you and that will lessen the anger coming out. <P>Ever get that punching bag? I was serious about that when I told you about it.....it is a GREAT anger management tool. Gets out the stress and frustration from the forefront of your mind and leaves room to truly see the hurt behind it..<P>You're doing well, Bob....you are not done with all of this yet - is all.<P>BIG HUGS, Prayers & Strength,<P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited March 16, 2001).]

#684531 03/16/01 11:06 AM
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Sheba,<P>Good to hear from you. I don't think I am jealous of her marriage. It is probably more of her care free attitude. She has no responsiblities(in my eyes anyhow. I know she must have some) she works to 7:00 at nite, comes home and what? She can do anything she wants for 5 nites a week. She doesn't ahve to worry about the kids homework, clothes, problems they might have, etc. She can go out to the movies, dinner etc and have a nice night, get home, watch TV, go to bed and get up and do it again all over again. Is this what she does? I don't know and I doubt it. She has become sluggish, and not very energetic(its the anti-deps).<P>I have all the above activities plus household stuff, and my work and me trying to have a social life too. I do feel guilty at times when I do leave the children alone for a few hours so I have that guilt to deal with.<P>I have been fairly active playing bball 2 nites a week. But I do need some more outlet. I spend too much time here! I've started reading again, but need more physical activity.<P>My biggest problem is that I let things build. If you noticed I posted Wed nite about her schedule and knew it would be a problem. That added to the fuel of some things I posted a week or two ago.<P>I tried to address the issuses I had with her last week and she got defensive and pretty much blew me off which didn't help my frame of mind. Then add the scheduling snafu and I ended up blowing a gasket.<P>Its is funny that we had this same scheduling problem in our marriage too. She worked part time and I always fit my schedule ofr travel around her work schedule. Then 2-3 time per year I would have to go out of town and it always conflicted with her work schedule. She would never ask for those days off or trade with anyone and we ended up getting her parents to come in. <P>So some of my anger is probably left over from that.<P>Thanks for posting. I hope you are doing well.<P>Bob


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