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#686192 04/04/01 08:18 AM
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Yes = No.<BR>No = Yes.<BR>Maybe = No.<BR>I'm sorry = You'll be sorry.<BR>We need = I want. <BR>It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now. <BR>Do what you want = You'll pay for this later. <BR>We need to talk = I need to complain. <BR>Sure go ahead = I don't want you to. <BR>I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron. <BR>You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. <BR>Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. <BR>This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. <BR>I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper. <BR>I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. <BR>Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive. <BR>How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate. <BR>I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on<BR>TV. <BR>You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me. <BR>Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.] <P><BR> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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Now, if that woman happens to be a mother:<P>No = No, not now, not ever, and don't bring it up again or you'll be sorry

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Is that the male version handbook or the WS version?<P>L.

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This Guide is bogus. A <I>real</I> Guide to Female English would not use '=' signs. It would assign multiple possible equivalents to each statement, with statistical percentages assigned to each equivalent. For example,<P>"No" means { "No" (47%), "Yes" (19%), "Not now" (32%), "Maybe" (2%) }, or something like that.<P>The actual meaning in any particular case is determined randomly.<BR>

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CJ,<P>Thanks for posting the language translations. I am forever in your debt. That isn't just funny, it is the story of my life and my attempts to understand the feminine mystique. Somehow, I always manage get it wrong.<P>I already figured out that when she gives me the "You don't have to get me anything for my birthday." story, I'm already in deep trouble. I can only escape a fate worse than death by making trips to the jewelers, the florist, the card store, the bakery, and by making reservations for dinner at a four star restaurant. And my secretary cannot participate in anyway in this process, including reminding me of her birth date. I have to remember than all by myself.<P>I know that if she asks what I'm thinking about, I better say that I'm thinking about her, and pretend that I didn't even notice the sultry waitress with the hauntingly beautiful eyes and the killer acoutrements.<P>Now, can someone tell me what the correct answer is when she asks me if her bottom is too big?<P>What is the right answer when she wants to know if her shoes go with her outfit?<P>Help!! At this rate, I'm going to grow old alone!<P>Bumper

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The answer to: Is my bottom too big?<P>absolutely not, you are so beautiful!!<BR>Can you tell, I am starved for attention?<P>Regarding which shoes go with what outfit, normally we can decide on that one by ourselves, and any advise you'd give would be fine and would not cause any problems.<BR>My shoe collection has grown considerably through my ordeal!<P><BR>

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As Rejected said, you CAN come up with a saving answer to : "Is my butt too big?"<P>The killer question is: "Does my butt look big in these pants/this dress?"<P>Only an idiot would say "yes", so we won't go there. But there's no good way to say "no" either, that she won't twist around to something like: "Oh, but it looks big in all my other pants, right?"<P>Boys, when you hear the question, you're already dead.

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Well, Hmmmmm, Yesss, that's kinda what I suspected all along.

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I heard of one man who's reply to "Do I look fat?" was, "No. Do I look bald?" when, of course, he knew that he was progressing in that direction.

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Bumper!<P>You make me laugh. The answer to "Don't get me anything for my birthday" is, "If you say that, I really won't get you anything. Is that really what you want?" and then we she says yes, what she means is that she wants something inexpensive (because she's worried about money) but thoughtful--so make her a scrapbook of sentimental old pictures of "This is OUR life". (Sigh...)<P>The answer to "Does my butt look big in these pants/this dress" is tricky. Let's work under the assumption that her butt DOES look big in the outfit. First you must determine if this is an outfit that she is trying on in a store or if this is an outfit that she already owns. If she is trying it on in a store, what she is trying to determine is: "Does this compliment my looks enough for me to buy it?" If her butt DOES look big in the outfit and it would be a disaster for her to buy it, she will look down on you if you tell her it looks okay, so the answer would be, "I'm not sure (put finger on chin). But that other pair you tried on really made your butt look cute (Big smile with raised eyebrows)!" OTOH, if she already owns the outfit, she is trying to determine if she should wear this one or that one, if she should throw it away or keep it, or if she should buy something new. Thus, if her butt DOES look big in the outfit and it would be a disaster for her to wear it, the answer would be, "Hmmm. I really like that red dress on you better--it makes you look so lively and sexy." <P>Both ways, she gets out of the outfit that makes her butt look big, she's not embarrassed because she's wearing something that doesn't look good on her, and she gets a compliment because you tell her something that DOES look good on her or that you like the way it looks--thus, she feels pretty.<P>You men! Is there anything else that you need translated? I may have to start a translation service--haha [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

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I bow to you, you wise woman. I am not worthy to be in your presence - or even on the same thread as you. <P>(Princess curtsies again and leaves the hall without turning.)

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Your royal highness! Do not leave us! Grace us again with your presence, as I am but your humble and lowly servant!<P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>CJ<P>------------------<BR>Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.


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