I hardly know where to begin. I know that the trite Christian answers are really getting to me. "Just trust God and all your need will be met." Where is that magic? I prayed and counseled and prayed and counseled. I did everything God asked of me and more. And still here I am, with my guilt and anger over the situation.<P>I have been reading about courtship vs. dating, etc. It is translating into more guilt with me. I was 28 before I met my xh. I prayed and sought God for my marriage. Was this what He wanted? I thought yes. I did not get contrary advice. Some people now say that I would not have listened anyway. Well, I will never know, because they did not say anything then!!! Still, despite the result, I do not believe that my marriage was a mistake! <P>I believe I sought God. I believe that He did not deceive me or allow me to be deceived. My husband chose a path of sin. That was not God's perfect plan. But it also was not my fault. It was not my fault for choosing poorly, it was not my fault in driving him to it. It is my husband's responsibility.<P>Still, I am upset with God. In these ways,<BR>Firstly, I worked to be the best wife I could be once the emotional affairs became evident. Still, God did not protect me from the pain of the physical affair and now divorce. Sounds inconsistent, huh?<P>Secondly, I fear getting too close to God now, in that I fear that He will require me to keep trying. I am done in! I cannot bear that any further!<P>I feel that I am not even expressing this properly! But I am keeping my distance from God these days. That is for sure. Is it guilt -- legitimate or otherwise -- that is keeping me from Him? And the fear that God will just let me walk through this again?<P>I guess I am feeling the pain that many people in crisis do. If God loves me, why would he let this happen to me? Is He in control or not? <P>"God is the Blessed Controller of all things." I had that posted in my doorway to remind me. When I moved, the plaque did not come with me.................

From all I have observed, God will not protect us from pain, because it is through pain that we grow. But he will hold our hands as we go through it.<P>I beleive that God knows your heart and that he knows how hard you ahve tried. Trust that he will walk with you through the pain. The pain will someday end and you will have a new beginning. In that way, I think we all go through many re-births in a lifetime. And the birthing process is apainful one. but it is not permanently painful. The pain does end. Have faith in that.<BR>

Amen to what <B>Truthseeker</B> has said.<P><B>Nora</B>,<P>I am so sorry for your pain. There's are tons of books about just this subject. I remember 'When Bad Things Happen to Good People' and others like it. You <B>did</B> do your best, and you can look in the mirror and love the woman you are because of it. You have honor and integrity. You fought the good fight.<P>It's okay to step back and take a break from all of it.<P>

It is diffucult at best to decipher what the will of God is when we can't see the trees through the forest. I believe that there are many who have & will continue to suffer for seemingly no good reason. Why do children die, why do people subdue & torture the innocents, why are the weak beaten down even further - WHY do we only turn to God when we are beaten down or in pain. And how do you turn to God in surrender or in wordly expectations that may have little or "no" meaning in Gods plan for us. <P>Its hard to feel the pain & suffering that you are in now, but don't compound it by blaming God because he didn't jump right in. A parent wants nothing more than to be able to protect their child from any & all of lifes troubles big or small - but in the end sometimes a parent has to just let go & let their child burn their small hand on that hot stove. God wants so bad to jump in & protect you as He loves you like His own child (& you are) - but that will not happen untill you are ready to accept His lesson in this situation.<P>Nora we all have these painfull questions & many of them have to do with free will as in the choices you can make in your life, good or bad. I have always taken much comfort in "Footprints" as in just when you think where is God you find it is not He that got lost but you. You however, are not lost you are asking questions because the answers still matter to you as Christian. <P>I tried not to be trite, I hope for you I have suceeded.<P>God Blessed You,<BR>Tim

Well Nora, I know I have been where you are at!<P>I'll share with you my own thoughts and hope that you will find something to help. As always, take what you like, and leave the rest!!<P>I used to believe that little cliche: "God will never give you something you can't handle."<P>Well that worked for me until I hit a real crisis in my life and I started really thinking about what exactly did that mean? Did it mean that abused children could "handle" their abuse? Did it mean that all kinds of unspeakable crisis could be "handled" by the victims?<P>Then I started wondering...what kind of God would do that? What kind of God would "give" these kinds of sufferings to any human being? Not the kind, loving, merciful God that I had been raised to believe in?<P>It took me a while in a strong Al-Anon program to begin to grasp God's role in my life and in the world around me.<P>As I learned to "let go" and "detach" from my alcoholic husband with love, I began to understand that love, real love, is freely given. It is not controlled or manipulated.<P>God is pure and perfect Love. He created us human beings - and rather than turn us into perfect robots that did "His Will" - he acted with Love and set us free - so that we could return His love. We can love lots of things, pets, places, things....but there is nothing that can compare to the beauty of love, freely chosen and given, between 2 rational souls. <P>But for that type of Love between us and God to exist, there has to be freedom and free will. I honestly don't believe that God interferes by punishing or rewarding us. He created us, and set us free to choose His Way, or another way.<P>If God were to "protect" us from the pain and suffering inflicted by others...He would have to remove free will and choice from individuals. And of course, then the beauty of His creation is lessened.<P>But because it is God's creation, He has His plan, His will and His designs. When we seek out His will, and try to follow His design, according to His Plan...then our lives will become happy, joyous and free - regardless of the hardship that we encounter in life. That is the very nature of His creation! We are free to choose otherwise, and to live by self-will - and again, we suffer the consequences of those choices - if not in this life, in the next life. But honestly, I doubt that anyone who has lived a life of self-will is living a content, peaceful life.<P>I don't believe that God has every detail of our lives planned out for us. Obviously, being outside of time, and omniscent, He has a better idea than we do of what our lives will be like....but I don't feel that God acts that way. Again, it boils down to freedom, and the spirit in which we choose to live our lives.<P>As I can see it, Nora, you did the best you could at the time when choosing your H. Your H has chosen to pursue a different path now. There's nothing you did wrong. If God were to have intervened and stopped you from marrying this man....would you have your free will? And honestly....in my marriage, there were plenty of signs. I chose to ignore those signs and married my H anyway. No one said anything to me either...but you know what? They were right, I wouldn't have listened, because I was determined that this was what I wanted, and so I rationalized it to God's will in my mind. I was a fool, living out self-will.<P>Now, I'm not saying that you did the same thing - that's just what happened to me. It took me 8 years before I recognized my folly.<P>Not getting close to God because His will is not yours???<P>See what I mean about self-will? It makes you miserable everytime!!!<P>This may come off harsh, and I don't want it to be, but Nora, you are not choosing God or a life of goodness if you are refusing closeness to God because of what you may be asked to do!!<P>God is in control - He's just not controlling it the way you, Nora, see fit!!<P>I know the feeling well. When I discovered my H's affair, I asked him to move out of the house. But the month before this happened, I spent trying to do my very best to be a good wife, and to just love my H without conditions or strings. This translated into a lot of sex. Guess what??<P>2 weeks after he moved out, I discovered I was pregnant. We had managed for 7 years without birth control to avoid pregnancy (because of our marital problems). And my kids were getting older, and I was, until I became pregnant, confident that I would be able to get a job and support myself and the kids while they were in school. But now, it seemed like a cruel joke by God, to give me this new incredible burden, just as my life was falling apart.<P>Well, as my sponsor put it so aptly: "BR, you chose to have sex, and this is the consequence." <P>I didn't want to hear that. I was furious at God for not taking care of me and for asking too much of me. Believe me, I literally shook my fist at God, and screamed at him for doing it to me.<P>I tried my whole life to be good Nora. It didn't seem fair that I, the wholesome good moral BR, should be dumped by an alcoholic husband for some orange haired hussy while I struggled through a difficult pregnancy. To add salt to my wounds...guess what? <P>A brother, and a sister of mine, who had both visited me over the years, and watched my life slowly disentegrate....both announced that seeing what alcoholism did to my family had scared them....and that they realized that THEY were alcoholics, and that they were joining AA before they destroyed their own families like mine.<P>So my suffering translated into happiness for THEM and THEIR KIDS and THEIR FAMILIES!!!<P>Oh boy did I get resentful over that!!!<P>But you know....I am not angry at God anymore. It took some time for me to come to terms with the fact that love can not exist if God was constantly interferring in our lives the way we expect him to do so.<P>And that it is our false expectations of God that causes our anger. For a long time, I kept turning my life over to God, and then giving God an exact instruction sheet on how to manage my life for me. And when God didn't listen, I yanked it back, and grew more angry, more resentful, and more hurt.<P>The key is to let go of self-will. And Nora, it sounds to me that is exactly what you are struggling with. God's plan is not coinciding with what YOU designed, and so its God's fault!!<P>Until you disengage from a battle of wills with God, you will continue to be hurt, angry and suffering. Trust in God does not mean expecting God to fix it the way you instructed Him to do so, it means literally making that leap of blind faith and realizing that no matter what Gods design is, that the design is good and beautiful, and that you have the ability to make your own choices.<P>You are not a victim of God, or your H. <P>I hope this helps even a small bit.<P>((((((((((hugs))))))))))<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

There is a christian song that plays on a christian radio station that says "I'll go though the valley if you want me to." When I first heard this song, it broke my heart. To think that my God would WANT me to feel this pain. As the months have gone by I now understand that by going through the valley's - I have grown stronger and closer to God. I still don't understand why all of these things have happened or WHY God would let these bad things happen to anyone, but they do happen. I think the turning point for me was during a sermon that my pastor gave - he stated that WE cannot see the big picture - we only get small bits and pieces of it. But God knows all things from the beginning to the end. He can see where we have been, where we are, and where we are going. He has seen the blessings that we have had, the blessings that we now have and the blessings that are to come. He allows us to go through the valley's so that we can - one day- get to the mountain top. The valley's are HELL, I can't wait to get to the mountain top. As in the previous post above me - <BR>"A brother, and a sister of mine, who had both visited me over the years, and watched my life slowly disentegrate....both announced that seeing what alcoholism did to my family had scared them....and that they realized that THEY were alcoholics, and that they were joining AA before they destroyed their own families like mine." It sounds to me like God was working through you to help your family. You were the one that had to suffer, but look what good came out of it. You helped - hopefully - to save other families. Here is a poem that means alot to me and has helped me to see the coming glory that I hope to have. I hope it gives you some comfort!!<P>IN THE VALLEYS<P>Sometimes life seems hard to bear,<BR>Full of sorrow, trouble and woe<BR>It's then I have to remember<BR>That it's in the valleys I grow.<BR>If I always stayed on the mountain top<BR>And never experienced pain,<BR>I would never appreciate God's love<BR>And would be living in vain.<BR>I have so much to learn<BR>And my growth is very slow,<BR>Sometimes I need the mountan tops,<BR>But it's in the valleys I grow.<BR>I do not always understand<BR>Why things happen as they do,<BR>But I am very sure of one thing.<BR>My Lord will see me through.<BR>My little valleys are nothing<BR>When I picture Christ on the CROSS<BR>He went through the valley of death:<BR>His victory was satan's LOSS<BR>Forgive me Lord, for complaining<BR>When I'm feeling so very low.<BR>Just give me a gentle reminder<BR>That it's in the valleys I grow.<BR>Continue to strengthen me, Lord<BR>And use my life each day<BR>To share your love with others<BR>And help them find their way.<BR>Thank you for valleys, Lord<BR>For this one thing I know<BR>The mountain tops are glorious<BR>But it's in the valleys I grow!<P>God Bless and Keep you,<BR>Tina

<B>BR</B>,<BR>Very insightful post, and obviously heartfelt.<P><B>Nora</B>,<BR>There have been times in my life when I was angry at God also, and expressed it. You said,<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>But I am keeping my distance from God these days. That is for sure.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I don't really recommend a person shaking their fist in God's face in an arrogant manner, but maybe talking to Him about your hurt and anger would be a start toward the answers for you. He knows how you feel anyway.<P>Take care,<P>Steve<BR>

I'm sorry I'm so late entering this discussion.<P>I do believe that God is everpresent. Omniscient. Omnipotent. And I spent a lot of time very mad at Him. <B>VERY </B> mad at Him. I would yell at Him until my throat was sore for days afterward. I couldn't go to church without crying. And my favorite scriptures were the ones about God's anger and the heaping of vengenance upon the ungodly.<P>Then I realized that God does not always rescue us. <P>God does not plan for babies to be killed by drunk drivers. God will not zap away that baby's parents' pain. But He will be there through their pain. His heart breaks too. <P>Because he has given us the gift of choice, we can make bad choices. And He will let us do that. Knowing that we make bad choices, He will step out of our way and leave us to our own devices and let us suffer the consequences. <P>This means, ultimately, that God does not always get His own way.<P>And lots of times, when He is absent in my life, it is because I choose to ignore Him. Or am so full of pain that I can't feel his presence. But He's there. He is just silent right then.<P>In fact I read a good book on the concept of God's seeming absence in our lives. I can't remember the title. I want to say it was something like "Listening for God" or "Waiting for God" written by a black female minister and divinity instructor by the name of Renita (?) something-or other. And she talks about the periods when she felt she lost her faith but had to maintain her ministry.<P>It was so good to hear someone else talk about their long absence from God's seeming presence.

Well, I did express this poorly, because most of your answers have nothing to do with how I am feeling.<P>As I said, I know that God blessed my wedding and marriage. My xh and I counseled with the pastor before the wedding. He was forthright about the problems he thought we would face, but he did not say -- wait nor did he say don't marry.<P>I know that we grow through pain, but do not judge me. I also grow at the mountain top. I have not found myself turning away from God when things are good. On the contrary, I find those times a refreshing time to focus on Him without the distractions of worldly concerns. You cannot know the nearness to God I treasured and cultivated when God gave us our home debt-free -- because you did not know me then! You only see me now, broken and hurt, and say "This is your time to grow." Is that really the time when plants grow best? I think they grow best with nutrients and water, fresh and available! None of my plants grew outdoors this winter! They waited for the warmth of the sun and the refreshing spring rains. (Although I acknowledge how good those winter snows become when they melt and release their nutrients to the waiting seeds.)<P>I am aware that this pain I am experiencing is NOT God's fault. I must not have made that clear. My husband sinned against me and God. God has blessed me through this! It is not God's perfect will for me to suffer like this -- but it is His permissive will because of the free will he gave to my xh.<P>When I said it sounds inconsistant -- I meant me not God. On the one hand I trust him so completely about my choice to marry and on the other hand I do not trust what he is doing with and through me now! I really did not mean that God was inconsistant. <P>I am mostly confused and probably confusing you people with my nonsense. Oh and I have been talking to God about this. My anger is not the screaming, fist in your face type of thing, but it is a kind of depressed, brooding sort of thing.<P>Do you really believe that cinderella? That God does not get his own way? I don't. I just believe that God is more concerned with the eternal than the temporal. In His Grand Design, it is more important to turn my husband back to Himself than for me to be in happy circumstances. Just think, I am going to be in heaven and be eternally well emotionally and physically! So what is this little piece of sand in the hour glass of eternity? The best thing that could happen as a result of my pain is for my husband to turn his life back over to God whether we ever remarry or not!!!! Because I know that this pain is NOT just mine, but he (my xh) is in pain as well. And if he turns his face back to God -- what an eternal blessing for the whole family despite the divorce.<P>OK, now that everyone is thouroughly confused about me, it is time to go! Someone else needs this computer for awhile, and I will mull over the things that you have said. But before I go, I will tell you what I was hoping for through this post with a scripture.<P>2 Corinthians 1:3-7 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."<P>Can you share with me the comfort with which God has comforted you? Or only more platitudes about how much I will grow through this experience and how I have to continue to deny myself? What is your evidence of the "Footprints" of God, when He was carrying you and you did not even know it? I feel His judgement, and I feel his displeasure. I feel like the wounded lamb who wandered away from the fold, and now all the sheep are watching me bleed and explaining the blood, instead of telling me how the Shepherd will come and care for me despite my wounds and the scars which will be there forever.<BR>

Nora, I'm sorry that you feel that we responded with platitudes. I wrote to you from my heart - I'm sorry that it sounded trite to you.<P>I have a saying taped to my fridge:<P>"If God and I are separated...who moved?"<P>And I still think, even after reading your latest post...that you are angry that God's design does not match yours.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Secondly, I fear getting too close to God now, in that I fear that He will require me to keep trying. I am done in! I cannot bear that any further!<P>I feel that I am not even expressing this properly! But I am keeping my distance from God these days. That is for sure. Is it guilt -- legitimate or otherwise -- that is keeping me from Him? And the fear that God will just let me walk through this again?<P>I guess I am feeling the pain that many people in crisis do. If God loves me, why would he let this happen to me? Is He in control or not? <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Perhaps you see our words as platitudes because the message is not one that you want to hear ....

And for me, it took hitting rock bottom before I listened to God. If my life had been pleasant, I would not have changed.<P>"Change occurs when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change."<P>For many people...it takes crisis before we grow.<P>I like to think of myself as a diamond - forged under heat and pressure!!

Yes, It's me again, just who you wanted to hear from right? <duck><P>I was just reading this and thought maybe you would find something of benefit - I don't know who the author is.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>GOD ALWAYS HAS A BLESSING FOR ME, AND I AM READY TO RECEIVE ONE NOW.<P>A rush of serenity flows through me when I release a problem to God for a divine solution. I have ceased thinking that I have total responsibility for the outcome of a challenge, and I have opened my mind and my life to God<BR>and a divine solution.<P>Along with the act of letting go and letting God, I have made a commitment to be a spiritually alert and active participant in helping bring about positive results. I am working in partnership with God.<P>God is my creator, healer, guide, friend, and more. I trust God as the source of all the wisdom, life, and love that I need to overcome whatever is challenging me and to achieve my heart's desire. God is always with me, ready to bless me. I am ready to receive.<P><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I><p>[This message has been edited by BrambleRose (edited May 14, 2001).]

OK... I won't come back in this post. Thanks any BR... I guess your "conviction" is too much for me.<P>Has God brought you no comfort in these dark days? Only MORE work to be done, more things to be tried? More and more requirements and NOT doing it right?<P>I am sorry that you have to hit rock bottom to change BR, but that is not me. I see things I am doing and I respond to God at many times, not just when I am hurt and needy. <P>And when you say I am angry in my second post (first of all I CONFESS that) but you quote my first post. I do not feel that you understand me BR or that you know what I am going through. I feel you have found your way and you are using it to preach to me.<P>I think of myself as a flower not a diamond. A flower in the desert. Do you know what the desert can be like? Well, it can be like this:<P>lifeless. there is nothing there. a few branches that look as though there is only death. no creatures stirring. parched land. And then........ and then.........<P>Then comes the rain, and the desert comes alive! A stream grows where there was none and draws animals to it! The plants drink from the rain, and begin to grow, even blossom under the nourishment they receive. And when the rains have gone, the stream continues to be fed by the mountain rains, and gives continual life to the desert. <P>I came here as the desert. I begged for some of you who are on the mountain to send down some of your life-giving water. But first you say , BR, that I need more sun. That I have not yet been parched enough. That I need to do more, to be more, to become worthy maybe of that life-giving water?<P>Well, I will never be worthy. I am in the dust and part of the dust. But God's rain falls on the evil and the good, so I know that eventually, that rain will fall on me too. I guess I just need to look elsewhere.<P>Christians lives can be so ironic!!! They love to kick their own when they are down!

Hi NoraP,<P>I hope I haven't been one to give you trite answers or responses, because I know exactly where you are coming from.<P>I will share with you the comfort I have received from the Lord thru the last year and a half of the ruination of my marriage.<P>Let me just say a few things first:<P>1) I didn't feel God at all during this time, even tho people told me to "draw night"....<P>2) I didn't see Him acting in a way to bring about restoration to my marriage or repentance to my H. If He has such "strict" rules regarding the marriage vow and against divorce, you would think He would act to prevent this. And what about my H? Why wasn't God acting in his life?<P>3) I didn't see answers to my prayers...at all. <P>4) I felt tremendous "guilt" (or something like that) that maybe I HAD made a mistake marrying my H 12 years ago. At the time, my pastor, my family, and other Christian friends thought it was the will of God, as did I. I had never married, was a 31 year old virgin and was waiting for the right man. How could it be His will if this is all it came to? And if it was His will, why the heck wasn't He fixing it??<P>5) I felt like God cheated me because I DID follow His ways and did obey His commands. No, I wasn't perfect in my marriage. But my motive towards my H was love, even when I fell short. All my life, I've been the "good girl" and I felt ripped off.<P>So anyway....having said that, I began to see the following, which did bring comfort:<P>1) God WAS with me even when I didn't feel it. I believe that now (note: I said believe not see).<P>2) God's ways aren't mine. No, my marriage isn't restored and my H is still not repentant. But I have come to understand that God's ways and timing aren't mine. God has a plan for my life and even tho it may have been temporarily de-railed by the actions of my spouse, of which I am feeling the consequences, God still has a plan for my life.<P>3) Although I didn't see answers to my prayers, I do believe that God has given me everything I've needed to make it thru this time and will continue to supply my needs, even when I don't feel like it or see it. And it's not easy....esp. when the money runs out. <P>4) I am convinced and know full-well in my heart, that my marriage was of God. It was my H and his free-will that destroyed that. He broke his vow. God wanted our marriage to succeed. And while nothing is impossible with God, He <I>limits Himself voluntarily </I> by giving us free will. Yes, He can overpower that. But He wants us to choose to follow Him and His ways, not be forced to.<P>5) I now understand that God did not cheat me. If I really would get what I deserve, I would get death. We all would. It's by the grace of God that I don't.<P>The thing is....there may not be any "evidence" that God is with us....that's what faith is all about....KNOWING without seeing. Believing without feeling.<P>None of us want to hear that we are in a desert and that there might not be any way out right now. But that's where we are. You don't give people in the desert flowers....when they want water. You don't give them cotton-candy....when they want meat. So I understand how "trite" answers feel. <P>But if the desire of our heart is to be like God, the answers are sometime too hard for us to swallow. They're irritating!!<P>We pray to be like God...patient, submissive, unselfish, humble, faithful, loving....and He puts us thru tribulation, suffering, sacrifice, torment, financial burdens and un-lovable people!! What a "weird" God!! <P>But there in only one way to be like Him and that's to walk His path....be willing to go thru all that He did. It is the ONLY way to get patient, humility, etc.<P>I don't know if that helps or not. But that is what helped me. I have also been going to a web site everyday for my morning devotional....<BR> <A HREF="http://www.backtothebible.org/devotions/classics/streams" TARGET=_blank>http://www.backtothebible.org/devotions/classics/streams</A> <P>...and it has really helped me alot. It's from the book "Streams in the Desert" and is full of just enough "meat and drink" to get me thru one more day. <P>I hope nothing I wrote could be considered trite. I pray that God will make His comfort known to you somehow....in some way....so that you will begin to see...really see...a way out of the desert.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P>PS You posted your post right as I was typing....so I find it interesting that you said you are in the desert. <P>Anyway, NoraP, you really don't have to DO anything....just trust...TRUST...that God still knows all about your situation. You couldn't do anything even if you wanted to, to make Him love you more. <P>Let yourself be exactly where you are. Be mad if you must. Be comforted it you can. Allow God to do His work in you....not you doing the work.<P>God bless.<P>PPS Yes, Christians like everyone else, can be weird!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited May 14, 2001).]

I am truly sorry if I offended. That wasn't my intention. I'll refrain from further comments.<P>------------------<BR><I>Pain is a given, misery is optional.</I>

I too did not mean for my poem and reply to be trite or offensive. I am only telling you what has helped me. I think that we EACH must struggle to find comfort and peace in our terrible situatons. I am by no means on a mountain top all the time and yes I thirst for answers and peace also. I just try to take each day as it comes and wait for God to direct me. Some days are better than others. <P>This scripture was shown to me by my counselor. Psalms 27: 12-14<BR>I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. The Book of Psalms has been of great comfort to me. There are verses of praise as well as verses of crying out to God in pain and with questions. I believe God desires that we question and search for answers in his word. <P>I am not sure from your post what you are looking for. It seems to me that all the comments that were given were not of condemnation or oppression, but comments of love, support and hope. No one knows EXACTLY what you are looking for and no one can know the exact feelings that you are having. We do know that you are in pain and need support and are looking for answers. We are here for you.<P>I believe also that my marriage was blessed by God. I believe that God brought us together to be one. I also believe as you that if this situation brings my STBXH back to Christ, then whether we are together again or not, it is the best thing for him and for our family. I do not savor the idea of this, but I have turned him and our situation over to God. I know at this point that it is out of my hands and in God's wonderful hands. No matter what the outcome - I will TRUST in God. <P>I hope these comments are of help to you and not a hinderance. You are loved!! God Bless you.<BR>