My spouse (of 10 years, friend of 25 years) has experienced moderate to severe depression most of his life. Although he is currently being treated biochemically, and has been for years, he is only now finally "talking" of getting treatment that might include support groups, psychotherapy and social skill building. He talks about it but doesn't seem able to do it...<BR> He remains completely "obsessed" by events of his past, claiming that they "crowd his consciousness" making him incapable of contributing to family life (we have 3 children) or his marriage. We have been separated for 6 months in an effort to give him the time and "peace" to work on his issues (no high drama here, just run-of-the mill life stresses he has to come to terms with). <BR> During our separation he had an affair (with his ex-wife, who ended it after only 2 months), has acted and spoken cruelly and disrespectfully towards me with our friends, his family and in front of our children. <BR> I am growing weary. Although I am completely committed to my marriage, I am participating in a marriage of one. I've presented him with oodles of "information" and suggestions both to treat his depression and to encourage his willful participation in "life", our lives... He remains uncommitted and forever feeling sorry for himself.<BR> When is enough, enough?

KK:<P>I'm sorry you've had such a difficult time with your H's depression. My wife has been clinically depressed for about 5 years, although it hasn't manifested itself like your H's. My wife takes Prozac, which at least seems to keep her from thoughts like: "Things would be better off if I were dead."<P>My W also has chronic severe back pain. That, coupled with the depression, has often made her withdraw, give up hope, etc. I can relate to your frustration in living with a person who seems to be giving up. How do you follow the Policy of Joint Agreement when your spouse isn't enthusiastic about ANYTHING, eh?<P>It wears you down, little by little, day by day. 2 months ago, my doc started me on Wellbutrin 'cause I told him "One of us has to stay above water, here."<P>As far as getting him into support groups, etc: you might have to do the arranging for him, so that he only has to 'show up'. Even then, you might have to twist his arm. I've found that often, if there was to be any forward progress, like in medical treatments, I had to 'force' it.<P>Well, I just wanted to give you a little empathy, even if I don't have any brilliant solutions.<P>When is enough enough? I'll have to let you know when/if I ever get there. (I hope I don't!)