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Joined: May 1999
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I want to thank you also, Pilar, for informing us about your sister. She is very special to me.....<P>I'm not around here much anymore and one of the many wonderful people here was kind enough to email me to inform me of your thread. I just couldn't bring myself to write on it until now.....sorry I am late.<P>I want to say so much, yet don't quite have the right words....ya know?<P>Of course, I begin by extending my sympathies to your family and hers. I cannot imagine the emotional upheaval of this sudden loss. <P>I was here throughout Tired Lady's membership and know her situation very well. Conversed with her, as well as her ex, quite a bit. I tried to offer encouragement and support when I could and just listened and cyber-hugged when I couldn't. <P>I wanted to share with you how TL (as I have affectionately referred to her) effected my life....<P>Throughout my MB existance, I have been very blessed to have had certain people come across my path that teach me something valuable and necessary to my growth throughout this marriage/divorce trauma. Not that everyone doesn't affect you in some way.....just that a person comes up with something in such a way and at such a time that allows you one of the treasured "AHA!!!" moments - when you really "get" what is needed to be learned and/or acknowledged.<P>I call these people "my Specials".....<P>TL became "a Special" when she showed me how honest a person could and should be when evaluating their own behaviors and thoughts. She showed me that honestly acknowledging one's negative behavior as well as the positives is the first step to truly clear the way to being able to figure out why you behaved that way to begin with. Without knowing why....we cannot change it.<P>TL became "a Special" for a second time, when she and her exH (EM) taught me that<BR>it is possible for civility to be a goal for couples who are splitting - especially if there are children involved. And that it is achieved through honest acknowledgement of one's behaviors and emotional processing.<P>I do not know how far they got towards that goal......but I do know that at the very least - the honesty of self examination helped them on their way.<P>This was very important for me because so many situations.....my own included...are left without a redefined relationship definition. Are we friends? Are we enemies? Are we invisible?......<P>TL and EM at least addressed the fact that the possibility exists to create a newly defined relationship - a possibility that unfortunately is not to prevalent nowadays. Seeing this coming from TL, who was in so much pain still......just reinforced what a wonderful character she had. <P>I wish I had known her better....I wish I had known so much more......<P>I am sure that she could have kept giving me reasons to make her another "special" in my life.<P>Love Ya TL.....Be at Peace!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P>(PS - Please extend my best to her Ex if you are in contact and if you or he need to talk or anything, please email me **edit*

Last edited by MBLBanker; 05/06/12 03:54 AM. Reason: Removed email
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tired Lady:<BR><B>One other thing to MikeC - I have reconsidered printing these things out. I will do it and keep them for myself, but as I'm sure many of you are aware, Tanya was very creative, and perhaps a bit overzealous in her wanting to hurt her ex back for their marital breakup. I think showing these things to her children, no matter their age, would be a great dis-service to her memory. Nor would I wish to alienate their relationship with their father. I hope you all can understand that.</B><P>I understand....I haven't read all of TL's posts, and I hadn't seen the behavior you reference, but I certainly wouldn't advise showing anything like that to anyone. But there are many touching posts that show her inner thoughts, and pain, that may give her children some insight into their mother, at some future appropriate time.<P>How are her children and her ex handling this difficult time?<P>

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Pilar,<P>I am another one who read this a couple of days ago and was unable to reply until now. <P>I have a few things to say about your sister's actions, she was very hurt with the things that happened in her marriage. ALL of us here know what that is like. I don't care who you are, these situations we deal with here are enough to make anyone lose it. I hope no one ever judges her actions harshly. When your world is turned upside down (no matter how bad that world may seem) it is a horrible thing to endure. Anything she said or did should be looked at with her emotional state at the time in mind. Those who love deeply are usually the most destroyed by these things.<P>I couldn't help but be reminded of the old George Jones song, "He stopped loving her today" (with the genders switched of course) when I read your post.<P>For yourself, the rest of her family and her children most of all I pray that you all find peace and remember the loving woman she was to you. <P> [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Deb

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This is a terrible thing to hear. My condolences.

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Pilar,<P>I didn't follow your sister's situation, but I'm in awe at the affections of everyone responding to you. <P>I would like to add to the growing support here in extending my deepest condolances!<P>God's Blessings!<P><P>------------------<BR><B><I>RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAX</I></B><P>By Eleanor Roosevelt ~~<BR><UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR><LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <P><LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission."<BR></UL>

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Pilar & Tanya's Family,<P>I cannot begin to express my saddness at this news. I've been on this board for over 3 years now, and I've seen a lot of people come and go... thank you for letting us know.<P>Tanya was a great sorce of strength and companionship for a lot of us. Even if we wern't posting directly to each other, it alway helped to read and know we were not alone. <P>My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Keep her memory in your heart and she will be with you always.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Dawnetta<BR><P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel

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