Hey Gang,<P> Ok,ok,..so I don't post anymore.Cut me some slack,will'ya?<P> Maybe the topic heading should of said,"thinking of becoming a Newly-wed".<P> So,..now that I have a niece and nephew rapidly approaching THAT age(marrying age!),how about coming up with a list of things to be aware of before jumping into marriage? Kind of a,"10 things you should know before you get married"? Or,perhaps,"10 things WE should have known before WE got married"! <P>Now,I don't want this to sound too bitter or pessimistic("Never,ever,ever trust your spouse!").I was thinking more of common sense,negotiating,give and take,the diff between true love,romantic love,and downright LUST,with some of the MB principals thrown in for good measure.Don't want it to be too preachy,or complicated(wait,..marriage IS complicated!).<P>Just some general guidelines,and a few profound,life-altering concepts.I don't ask for much! <P>I even started one for my nephew,who'll graduate from HS next year.You know,stuff like:<BR>1.Don't try to please a woman,you can't.<BR>2.Don't argue with a woman,you'll lose.<BR>3.If the little woman needs help in the kitchen,set your beer down,and go give her a hand.<P> Sort of like that,...<P><BR> Ok,ok,..so it's a"little"biased. Hey,I'm just trying to help the poor kid out!<BR> Perhaps the women can come up with one for my niece? <P> But seriously(and this is coming from a blond),maybe we can come up with a great list? Hey,maybe I can send it to Dear Abby,and get it put in the papers! What do you think?<BR>Anyone want to give it a shot??<P><BR>~~Murph <P> "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time"(is that profound or what?)

How about:<BR>1. Don't try to please your spouse. Be pleasing to God.<BR>2. Cleave unto your wife. Agree whe you can.<BR>3. When you go to get that beer, once in a while...you make the dinner.<P>You were close...real close. I feel the need to put the barb in too sometimes. (yeah, sometimes.)

OMG!!! I think I'm gonna faint!!! The Yard God is posting again!!!!! <P>WELL....this might require some thought if you only want serious responses! <P>Oh what the hell!<P>1.Pick a man smaller than you! That way you know you'll win the fights! <P>Not what you're looking for??? OOPS! LOL LOL<P>How about this?<P>1.Marriage isn't just fun. It's real work sometimes.<P>2.Really listen to your wedding vows when you say them...and mean them!<P>I know...not the brilliant response you were looking for! But everything that I needed to know was in my vows. Now on the other hand, my ex forgot to listen to them! <P>I still can't believe you started a thread!!!!<P>Mitzi

I recommend <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6060_gift.html" TARGET=_blank>The Four Gifts of Love: Preparing for Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime Gift Edition</A><P>Get the book & a nice frame. Tell them to both read the book & sign the certificate and put it up somewhere they can see it all the time.<P>wfh,<BR><B>2. Cleave unto your wife.</B><BR>I don’t have a cleaver. Will a good butcher knife do? <P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Here is a list I came up for me some time ago. Of course, it relates more to me as a divorced woman vs. a young newlywed. But thought I would send as is.<P>1. God must be at the center of the relationship.<BR>2. Honesty and consistency are a must. Must be trustworthy. <BR>3. Communication is a must. Need to be able to share freely our thoughts and talk rationally about any differences. Must be willing to compromise. <BR>4. Both must have a sense of humor. <BR>5. Both must love kids and agree on how they should be raised and be able to balance time between the kids and each other so everyone’s needs are met. Date nights are a must.<BR>6. Must have chemistry but know that this can fade over time and be willing to do whatever it takes to keep the love alive. Sometimes we need to be loving even when we feel are needs are not being met or do not feel loved in return. Must be commited to the marriage and forever faithful.<BR>7. Must be accepting of each other. <BR>8. Each individual must be able to stand on their own two feet and not be dependent on each other for their happiness. They should be separate individuals that reinforce and complement each other. I think it is important that each individual has some interests outside of the home, i.e. tennis, going out with friends, bible study groups, etc. <BR>9. Common interests, values and goals are important.<BR>10. Must always maintain respect for each other. Once respect goes, the relationship is doomed. <BR>

Nice comments. I would like to add some things that I believe should happen before a marriage is considered. <P>1. Date atleast 2 years so that you know the person.<BR>2. Know that Love is not all there is to a marriage. It takes real work by both party's.<BR>3. Be atleast 24 or 25. (This is from someone who married far too young.)<P><BR>Kate

Quick one:<BR>If there is something that irritates you about the one you love it will irritate you 10 times worse when you are married.

Remember:<P>The only person you can change is yourself.<P>Live one day at a time.<P>Treat your spouse as you would like to be treated.<P>Don't bring children into the world until your marriage is solid (that's from experience)...<P>...and...<P>No matter what anyone else tells you -- SEX IS VERY IMPORTANT IN MARRIAGE.

Holy Cow ... it's Murpy!!! Good to see ya again!<P>Chris beat me to the punch with the "Four Gifts of Marriage" book recomendation... I've given that as a wedding gift ever since I found this site 3+ years ago. I also include a cast iron fryin' pan (or give it as a bridal shower gift). Actually... the book would be a great idea for an engagement gift too... so they can study up before the big day.<P>When you go get your own beer from the fridge (after stopping to make dinner).... bring her one too!<P>Marry your best friend. Make sure you can (and do) talk honestly and openly about anything and everything... communication is extreamly important. <P>Date nights (even if you don't have kids) are a must. (Thanks 711, excellent point).<P>Disagreeing and Arguing are part of marriage... but it shouldn't be a big part. But do it fair and then move on.<P>Show your love in word and deed every day. (Yes Guys, the words are important). <P>And for the ladies... when they get out of hand, it's illigal to shoot them (in most states anyway) . That's why you keep a cast iron fryin' pan handy at all times.<P>See, I haven't given up on finding someone, and possibly getting married again. <P>Smooches,<BR>Busty <P>Oh... one more.... pre-marriage counseling is a good thing.

Something I've learned from my rapidly collapsing marriage:<BR>ask for what you need. Your partner may not be able to provide it, but he/she will never know you need it unless you ask.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dabigtrain:<BR><B>Something I've learned from my rapidly collapsing marriage:<BR>ask for what you need. Your partner may not be able to provide it, but he/she will never know you need it unless you ask.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>and give what you are asked for...<P>Giving is good..<P>Making them happy should be the something that makes you happy too...<BR><P>------------------<BR>nick<P>it's only time that heals the pain <BR>and makes the sun come out again

You will both fall in and out of love many times throughout your marriage, and often not at the same time. Deal with it and don't quit.<P>

Howdy all,<P> Hey,there's some good replies here! <P> Ok,ok,..I'll give my niece that book for her birthday,make sure she marries someone smaller than her,and give her a cleaver and a cast iron fryin'pan for a wedding present.<P> How does THAT sound? <P> She is only 16,but they grow up so fast nowadays.She's already had a few BF's.I had the pleasure of grilling one of them:<BR> "Well,son,..what do you plan to do with your life? What makes you think YOU'RE good enough for my niece? Don't just stand there eyeballin'me,boy,..ANSWER ME!!" <P>Maybe I WAS a little hard on him,..he is only 17. <P>But I fiqure,hey,..ya gotta get rid of the losers right at the starting gate!!<P><BR>~~Murph <P>

Men don't change and women always do!

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><BR> - Be yourself at the beginning of a relationship. It saves trouble later.<BR> - There are two ways to learn about someone. One is how they act when they are in an argument and are right. The other is how they act when they are in an argument and are wrong. <BR> - Have a good look at her mother before you decide anything.<BR> - Men and women are wired differently. This is part of the fascination and most of the trouble between them.<BR> - Find someone who enables you to become better.<BR> - Most arguments are about money, sex, children, and in-laws. You might want to discuss these things ahead of time, therefore. <BR> - Being the right person is as important as finding the right person.<BR> - True love isn't something that happens to you. It's something you do.<BR></UL><P>Regards,<BR>rs0522

Hey Murph,<BR>You may want to give your neice the fryin' pan now... they work well on boyfriends too! (Especially the "over anxious" ones ). <P>Dawnetta

This is very interesting...<BR>I would defenitely say:<BR>>>Marry your best friend... the one person you can talk <BR> to about anything and everything.<BR>>>Communicate, never expect your other to know you like or<BR> dislike something. Vocalize it as simple and dumb as it <BR> might seem.<BR>>>Love the person for who she/he is, if you are expecting <BR> it to change you only love your reflection on this other <BR> person.<BR>>>Be courtious at all times... Golden words, please and<BR> thank you<BR>>>Give each other enough room to miss each other often.<BR>>>Never stop dating... even after you marry. Always find <BR> things to compliment each other about.<BR>>>And last but not least, NEVER take each other for <BR> granted. Appreciate, trust and respect each other always.<P>Not too bad for someone who is struggling in marriage right now uh???

More good replies!!<P> This is what I'm looking for. <P> Well,I THOUGHT I married my best friend,but I guess I didn't take a good look at her mother!!LOL <P> She turned into her mother! <P> Hey,Busty,..ya tryin'to get me into trouble with my sis??<BR>That's all I need,..going to jail for giving her daughter a loaded fryin'pan! <P> Anymore thoughts?? Dear Abby's a-waitin'!!<P><BR>~~Murph